What should i do?

Question

Lets start with my brother. He is a freeloader and doesn't give a care about anyone but himself. He has no respect for the women in the household. He picks fights with me, and gets aggressive if he doesn't get his way. I don't fight back but he just knocks me down and hits me. So a bully is what i would describe him as. I always ignore him its working...in a way. My dad is very sterotypical and a bit of a sexist. For an example. When i wanted to do Tae Kwon Do, he did not support me at all, and he had spasisms on the floor and said that would be me if i fought anyone- Since i was a girl. He does not stand up for his wife when my brother insults my mom behind her back. He and my brother complain about EVERYTHING and don't take action to do what they complain about. They expect my mom to clean everything. My dad cares about me, but doesn't treat me and my brother like equals. Its really starting to bug me, thats why i asked what i should do.

Answer 1

My brothers a free-loader too and yep he only cares about himself as well and no respect for women at all household or otherwise. How old is your brother? Wow your life sounds just like how mine is.

As for your brother my brother is 24 and he still acts like that. I really think there is no hope for him.. in fact he seems to get worse. He plays girls off each other to get his way. He bounces from girl's house to girl's house - relationship to relationship treating each girl worse then the girl before. I've tried to talk to him and so has my mom but nothing seems to help. Its best just to live your life and let him live his. He will eventually be nice to you cause hes to busy being mean to every other girl out there.

Your Dad... Oh your Dad... how did his mom treat him? Was she one of those "Do Everything" Moms? If so there is no hope there either. My grandma did everything for my Grandma and my dad and his brothers so now he thinks that's the women's role... cook clean ect. ect. He is still stuck in that time, he doesn't realize its 2007 and women have rights and such.

I wish I had better advice but I'll be checking back to see what others have given you for advice cause I'm curious.

Answer 2

Your brother hits you, and knocks you on the floor? I would probably punch his sexist behind in the face, and kick some serious booty...it will teach him a lesson and show your dad that even though you're a girl, you can do stuff!

Your dad needs to live in the 21st century...a man needs to help his wife out around the house unless he has a job and she doesn't. Talk to your dad, and maybe tell him it hurts your mom when he doesn't help out, and let him know that you are just as able as your brother...probably moreso, considering his attitude.

As for your brother, ff he is hitting you, you need to see a social worker, and put in a complaint. Tell them the situation, and tel them you are being physically abused. That's the only sure-fire way to get him to stop.
If you don't want to do that...next time he wants you to do something, and you won't give him his way, don't get angry, just calmly say, "No." If he gets fussy or whatever, say, "I said no. That's my answer." If he continues, tell him that being immature isn't helping his case. Be calm, but firm. If he hits you, say, very VERY firmly, "I do not deserve to be hit, I am your sister, and I have done nothing wrong. You will NOT do that again." If he does it again, walk away...leave the house. If he follows you, and hits you again, hit him hard, right in the throat...its very vulnerable, and this will hurt very badly, and teach him a lesson. Even if your parents get upset, you've probably taught your brother that he shouldn't hit you, or you will strike back.
I strongly advise to go to a social worker, though. No one deserves this...violence is never the only answer, but sometimes it's the most effective. I think your brother needs the crap beat out of him...have any really strong guy friends?

Stay close to your mom and try to avoid the violence...steer clear of your brother because of the physical abuse, and your father because of the emotional abuse. Help out your mom, and just make friends with her...it sounds like the two of you really need each other right now. Try not to resort to the hitting that I mentioned...only use it if you're in a desperate situation.

I hope it gets better for you...

Answer 3

Check with your local police department. Many give self-defense programs for free. If not, find a friend with some knowledge of defense and ask for some help. You need to be able to defend yourself from brother asshole.

The situation you describe is not okay. Dad's not helping out, or disciplining his son, complaining is the order of the day, and insulting Mom is okay (Never! You never insult Mama!) I don't know why Mom hasn't left. Talk to her about the future of this family and tell her you're leaving as soon as you can. Ask her to come with you. Together you may struggle, you'll have a better life.

Answer 4

If your brother gets aggressive and knocks you down, he should be told by someone that it is inappropriate behavior - and at a certain age, it will be considered criminal behavior. That is the problem you can focus on and change. Go first to your mother, then to your father, then to both of them together with your brother. If there is no agreement that violence is forbidden, then move on up the solution chain and go to your church pastor for counseling, then to the town for social services and protection. Make it clear to your parents that there are other people who will become involved if physical violence continues - and that includes threats from your brother too.
The rest - well, it won't be easy and it may be impossible to change your father's sexist attitudes. He has them towards all women, not just you and your mother. You may never be treated like an equal with your brother but people get older and as everyone in your family ages, your dad might start appreciating you as the smarter one of his offspring.
Just deal with the aggressive violence from your brother. He could go to jail for it and if he continues, he will.

Answer 5

In addition to what everyone else is saying I'd like to add this advice:

When you're dating someone, take a goooood long look at how they treat you and if it in any way reminds you of your dad or your brother, dump them and SEEK COUNSELING. Seriously, your home life sounds like a perfect place to get some really crappy self-esteem. Don't buy into it: whoever you are, you deserve better than that.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Sneak up behind your brother, bend your knees into the back of his and it'll knock him flat on the floor. Then jump on top of him and tell him hit you again and next time you'll kick him in the balls. Then tell your dad does he care to throw himself on the floor and mock your brother?

Answer 8

Stay close to your mom. Like the buddy system she can support you in times of need and you can support her. This way you will have benifiet of protection from the "men" in your family

Answer 9

Help your mom out as best you can...sounds like she needs it. Then count the days until you can move out and leave those losers behind!

Answer 10

Have u tried to talk to your dad? if you havent because hes not really of a talker then Im not sure what you can do.