What is your secret strategy for getting exactly what you want from your relationship?

Question

I am an author and inspirational speaker and was recently involved with the global bestseller ‘The Secret’.

As an expert in the field of relationships I have spent much of my life studying the reasons why romances do or don’t work out and I am keen to know what your experiences are when it comes to getting what you want from your partner!

To see my Answers video click here: http://au.blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-txN._0woRKfpYuTJw9rObY.WmgiUW5xm?p=1400

Answer 1

My secret is not really a secret. When I want something I ask for it. I have learned that with him I have to be clear, no hidden words in between, he needs to know in black and white exactly what I need, or what I want, and if he can he provides. I do the same with him.
WHAT DO YOU NEED ?, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
Magic words that really work for us.
I wish you success with your book! Sincerely , Dolphin Girl

Answer 2

i can honestly say coming from a near 12 yr relationship that honesty comes in at the very beginning. When we realised that we were becoming serious we sat down with each other and told each other what we wanted from the relationship and what we don't want. We made personal packs that if were broken (we always find out sooner or later) we were allowed to deal with it in certain ways ( painfully ). We also don't have to much in common which is great in conversation and disputes . Life would be boring if we had to much in common and we really do trust each other. How can people be with a partner that they don't trust. We have learnt allot about relationships by watching others . If it didn't work for some it may not work for us. When we ask each other a question we can not get angry if the answer upsets us because we expect honesty from each other ( who better to tell you the truth then the ones you love) .

Answer 3

Is there an eve in every woman? Is it true that a woman entices and a man succumbs? Or does a man play an equi role; in which case its not about eve giving the apple but man wanting it! Make sense? In this day of women's lib and actually man needing liberation, relationships have new meanings. Is it about going forth to multiply and love the bridge between sexes? Or is it about having someone wioth whom to share deep inner thoughts? Then whats procreation got to do with it? Funny how we make a big deal of something which nature takes so naturally! If an animal or bird were to speak, what would the lifetime mate for life albatross have to say......or the lion with his various lionnesses.....or the bird which inspired the word cooing and billing, the pigeon, say? How would you inspire a person to get into a "relationship"..whatever that may be defined as?
Valentino Nuruvey may have something set aside for the world, so also Solomon. What about the Buddha who shun all desires and wants? .....Goes to show that relationships have some inner factor that nothing can uncover except the persons in it! Thats it the "inner factor" HOWs this for an answer. And please dont write a book called "The Inner Factor".....!!!!

Answer 4

I think it is all about balance. You only can expect what you put into the relationship. I am studying psychology and I love this subject and think what you are doing is awesome... To get what you want out of the relationship, you have to be able to sacrifice to give what your partner wants out of the relationship. It is a game whether we admit it or not, and you have to play your cards right. You have to constantly think of what the other person wants, and notice how they react to things you do. If you understand the way the other person works, and you are in tune to their needs, they will usually either appreciate it, and give you what you need, or they will not appreciate it (or not understand) and the relationship will fail. If someone feels like they are putting more into the relationship than they get, they will be unhappy. At the same time, if one doesn't feel like they have to give much into the relationship, but the other does, they will feel crowded and also unhappy. All about the balance... You are pushy, they pull away. You back off, they come back. That is how it works every time.

Also ... there are some keys. Men want their space, sex, and food. Give them that without complaints and they will be yours. Women wanna feel needed, pampered and secure in the relationship. Give them that, and they will be yours.

Answer 5

Honesty respect and communication are a must for a healthy relationship. If you cant be truthful in your relationship , then how can you be true to yourself? Putting special time aside for each other is also important with no interuptions. Perhaps a romantic candlelit dinner for two that you have prepared together with a nice bottle of wine to help unwind from all the pressures of life, that we all do endure is a sure way to relax and let the coversation flow. Be honest with each other look into each others eyes, hold hands across the table and lean in for a romantic kiss, its all good. You both have to be willing to put in your 50% piece of the relationship and accept your 50%, if something in the relationship needs to change you can only change your 50%. By changing your 50% you are infact instigating change that is usually for the better. You also have to remember one little fact and that is always treat others how you would like to be treated if you can remember this at all times success for a fantastic relationship, one that you have always dreamed of will come true. And yes I am speaking from experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

The only way to get what you want out of relationships is to ask for it. If your relationship is an equal one then it shouldn't be an issue. If the relationship isn't equal then you need to work on what your combined needs are. A relationship is made up of 2 people, it has to be a joint venture, not just about one person.

Romances don't work because people don't have the energy to put everything they have into saving it. We're really not taught how to maintain a solid relationship. Besides there's too much abuse in alot of relationships these days making romance that much more of a chore.

Answer 7

I don't try to "get what I want", from my partner. I try to understand him so that I can give him what he wants. Obviously, he is the one that I want to be with or I would not go through the grief of miscommunications, trials and tribulations that all relationships go through as we are different individuals that are not ever going to be literally joined at the hip. We do not have super abilities to know what the other one is thinking or always know what the other one is thinking.
I think that if you get through phase one, the attraction phase, then on to phase two, the understanding phase, that you could probably spend a lifetime learning about this phase. It is interesting enough to keep your attention, frustrating enough to keep your blood pumping and deffinently a subject that could never become boring if you are interested enough to pay attention to what is important to the other and in what honestly makes that person tick.
I think that sex can be wonderful with the right mate. Never boring, always exciting and satisfying if he is truely interested in satisfying you and vice versa. However, once that is accomplished there is the other 9/10's of your life. What does he love to eat? What music makes him move? What experiences make him sad and what did he experience before to make him feel that way? Why does he react negatively to some things that I do that seem like nothing to me? Why does he delight in looking at me when I sleep? What things should I allow him just enough of to satisfy him and when he is he stepping a little over the edge? I've raised many children. This is my second relationship. He is much younger than I. I am completely in love with him and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. Once that was established it has become apparent to me that this could be more difficult, more time consuming, more interesting, more intense, more all encompassing than my experiences with raising a child. He is my mate. I want him to be happy. He makes me happy. So it's all worth while.

Answer 8

What I want most from a relationship is respect and support.

I truly believe that the only way a relationship can really work is for both partners to concentrate more on their responsibilities within the relationship than on their rights.

I don't mean become a martyr, just that there's no place in a relationship for expecting the other person to attend to your needs - physical or emotional - without being prepared to be available for them to at least the same degree. To make this happen, you both have to communicate needs in a clear way without any anger or blame, and negotiate where there is a conflict of interests, each person acting out of respect as well as love.

A couple is made stronger by co-operatively depending on each other (not the traditional concept of co-dependence); working together, listening and talking to the best of their ability. It won't be perfect; it isn't meant to be. To give just as much leeway to your partner as you expect from them in your own imperfection is the most fundamental way to show respect and care.

Answer 9

I do not always get what I want from my partner and thats fine by me.
When I do get what I want I really show him how much I appreciate what he has done or given me.If I dont get what I want I dont scream and yell and act all spoilt I ask him quietly why he is reacting the way he his.I find that a better approach.
We have been married for 13 years and it is getting better.
I am still the bubbly,happy,true person he married and it is because of him I am still the same.We are very happily married with 2 beautiful children and I would not have it any other way.Also we are not materialistic.I think that can get you in trouble in marraige.We have each other,2 kids and a wonderful family on both sides ,thats all that matters.
LOVE!!!!!

Answer 10

Wow, a secret strategy for getting exactly what you want from your relationship? That's exactly what makes relationships fail. In a good relationship, people care about the other person equally as much as they care about themselves. This does not mean they should be a door mat and not have their needs met. nor does it mean that their needs are the only thing that matter. Going into a relationship with a "strategy for getting what you want" does not sound like love to me. I am still shaking my head in disbelief as I reread what you wrote.

Relationships take work. Relationships take time. Relationships evolve. I would sure not want to be "in a relationship" with someone who has a strategy to get something from me. Likewise, I would not be please with myself if I set out to get something from someone else and that I had a strategy to do it.

You are looking for why romances do or don't work. There is the problem. Look at how the Greeks had different words for love-eros, philios, agape. Erotic love and romantic love will fade over time. If there is no substance, an agape kind of love, then the romance will end.

It's not about getting. It's about mutual care and respect. It's not 50/50 it's 100/100.

So exactly what makes you an expert anyway?

Answer 11

I loved The SECRET!! In my relationship my boyfriend changed a lot and I let him know that I still loved him and I always communicated with him and guess what I used The Secret and thought posistive. He is starting to be himself again and I'm lovin it! I just never gave up on him and I guess he realized that I really loved him like I said I did so now he is back to the guy I fell in love with. I think it's because he's been hurt before and we were really falling for each other and he was testing me to see if I was going to stick by him, I passed!! We have been together now for 3 1/2 yrs so I think we'll be getting married soon and then the rugrats will be coming. lol... N-E way keep up the good work!!