catholic girl in a dilemma?

Question

i've been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years. for our 2 year anniversary, i would really love to do someting very special for him, physically. we've not had sex as i'm catholic and he's been extremely supportive of that (he is agnostic). he's also a bit older than me (he's 28 ; i'm 22). i feel like we wont be married any time soon cuz i'm still living at home and finishing college plus there are a ton of other circumstances etc... so there is no way to shorten the waiting period on the actual sex.

however, it baffles me why oral sex should be wrong. we haven't done it yet but this is mostly due to my upbringing and the fear of it as such. so i was thinking, for the 2nd anniversary, why not do it...? to other catholics out there, why is it a sin in a loving meaningful relationship with a future? why is it even SEX if there is no penetration? my boyfriend is wonderful but he is also just a man. i want so bad to please him.

any openminded non judging people, feel free to comment&help

Answer 1

Oral sex in any way is wrong according to Catholics (I don't know about other forms of Christianity.) I think you should go for it, it is your life and you should do what you want. However, if you want to wait until marriage and your boyfriend is for it then you can wait.

And you don't need sex to please him. If you are not COMPLETELY comfortable then WAIT. If he truly loves you, he will wait too.

Answer 2

"any openminded non judging people, feel free to comment&help"

I see from the segment quoted above, you are not really looking for an honest Catholic answer. You're hoping to find affirmation of your own personal judgement.

What if that judgement was wrong? A truly open-minded person can't just walk away without making some attempt to correct the situation.

The point is, I think I am about to tell you something you don't really want to see - but you need to because you are about to make a huge mistake on you and your's second anniversary.

Whether you and yours have straight sex or oral sex, masturbation, - whatever, it is morally wrong.

You must remain chaste until you are married, period.

I want to recommend a book, a MUST read for someone in your situation. "The Good News about Sex and Marriage", by Chris West. Most of it is written in a Q&A format. You best read the whole thing, but you could go through it looking for answers to your question(s). I've read it, the answers to your questions ARE in there.

Answer 3

You don't know me, but trust me on this one...a 2-year anniversary is no reason to put your moral decisions into a tizzy. And trust me on this one, too. Pleasing your boyfriend shouldn't depend on sex. Of any type. If he's still around after 2 years, he's probably already pleased. My boyfriend and I find a good day of laughing our heads off a lot more fun than sex. THAT'S what keeps us together. I can have sex with anyone but can't enjoy the company of everyone. If this "decison" is stessing you out enough to ask Yahoo! then you are not really wanting to make the decision right now.

Answer 4

You will probably feel bad if you do it just to "please him." If you decide to go to the next level physically, it should be becuase you BOTH really want to, for your own pleasure and not just beacuse you think he expects it. And two years is not that long in the greater scheme of things, especially if you do not foresee marriage in the near future. A lot can happen and think of how you will feel if you do this with him and then you break up later.

There are plenty of other ways to do something special for him that do not involve sex.

Answer 5

It's a slippery slope for sure. I can't tell you what to do since as an atheist I don't believe in sin. But I'd talk it over with him at least so he knows that you care about his well being. Compassion is a very wonderful thing and expressing it to him will do you both good.

Answer 6

If you are a strict catholic, you better abide by the rules (even though many priests don't...neither do nuns, and believe me I have events to back that up!) Anyway, either be catholic or don't and do what you want. Be controlled or take control. Up to you.

Answer 7

a few points to think about:
1. Is he a virgin too, at 28? If not, you should be aware that many STD's that can be passed into the vagina can also be passed into the mouth. Some of them, such as chlamydia and gonorrhea, can live in the male reproductive tract for a long time without symptoms - so he could give you a nasty throat infection without meaning to. HIV or hepatitis, of course, can live in either gender for a long time without symptoms. There is a possibility either could be passed on via oral sex. Hopefully if he has herpes, he would have already told you, but if not that is another bug that would be happy to take up (permanent) residence in a mouth.
2. OK, so maybe you think none of this matters because he told you he is a virgin too. A 28 year old agnostic male virgin? Just a rarity? Or a liar? or gay? Very strange that a 28 year old (non-religious) man is willing to wait sexually for a 22 year old woman who has shared with him that she is not planning on marrying him anytime soon. I am in no position to judge, just asking if you want to do something this intimate with someone about whom a number of obvious questions pop up, and whether you would bet his virtue against a case of oral herpes. A lot of times females are naive about male sex drive; no matter what his level of integrity a normal male would at least be impatient to marry.
3. No offense to your faith, but I have noticed a lot of Catholics are very faithful to the rules and rituals of their religion without studying much Bible or really taking the time to understand the spirit and principles behind their religious practices. You should really take the time to think: Why is premarital sex forbidden? What is God's purpose of setting up this boundary? What is your personal purpose for being celibate until marriage? What is God's purpose for sex within marriage? How would these factors dovetail with a decision to have oral sex with a man to whom you are not married? Many people who advocate celibacy until marriage believe that God created sex to bring married people closer together, and that this is a sacred thing that is cheapened if it is shared with an unmarried partner. Many people who are celibate until marriage feel they are giving their future spouse a precious gift, and sharing a level of intimacy with their spouse that should be shared with no one else prior. Oral sex is a very intimate sexual act. You should clarify your own values as well as the requirements of your religion on this matter. You might want to speak to a priest or other church authority to discover the latter.
4. Generally a good principal is not to do something of which you would be ashamed. Would you be mortified if you practiced premarital oral sex and your Priest or parents found out? What about if your future husband finding out, if he turns out to be someone other than your current boyfriend? What if 20 years from now your daughter is struggling with the same question and asks about your past?
5.Be honest with yourself, none of this stuff about, "why is it a sin in a meaningful relationship with a future?" You could say the same thing about vaginal sex. The boundary God made for sex is not love, or a theoretical 'future', the boundary is marriage. You either believe that God's boundaries mean something, or you believe something is only a sin if it should be a sin in your opinion. So which do you believe? Decide and then act decisively.

Personally I believe the point of whether you can have oral but not vaginal premarital sex is pretty much a useless debate to have, because the oral is going to inevitably lead to the vaginal. You do not maintain premarital celibacy by spending hours alone together performing intimate sexual acts; you maintain it by enjoying a dating relationship and intimate friendship in public settings with limited private / alone time. So, you really should clarify your values about premarital sex of any kind and go from there. Because if you do the one, you are on the slippery slope toward doing the other.
Another comment - circumstances or no, at 22 and 28 if this is your future life partner you should not sin, nor torture yourselves with endless celibacy, you should marry. You do not have to have all the stars aligned, all your education done, and a big bankroll in your pocket to marry. My husband and I married right out of high school, lived desperately poor for awhile, and by the time we were in our 30's we were worlds ahead of our peers in so many ways - because marriage builds wealth, health, and happiness. All your resources would be pooled, you would have 2 incomes and only one residence to maintain, and you would get all the newlywed emotional angst out of the way while still young and able to tolerate that type of drama. Traditional sexual values do not mix well with the modern trend of marrying late - no wonder you are frustrated and, really trying to justify a way to 'cheat' on your moral upbringing.

Answer 8

According to Christianity all sex should be in marriage and should be done only for the pupose of procreation...... obviously this rules out oral sex and all foreplay unless it actually leads to full intercourse (obviously within marriage).

Hey its your religion....

Answer 9

Bless you for your commitment
This concerns love for the sake of the beloved. What does true love desire?
The highest and best thing for the sake of the belove
What is the highest and best thing? Heaven!
Do it Gods way it always works!

Answer 10

Why can't you find a Catholic man why do you want a non Catholic for dump that egnostic loser! babosa