My daughter is 12 and doesn't communicate with me. What to do?

Question

My daughter is 12 and doesn't communicate with me. She goes to school every morning, comes home, and close the door to her room and wouldn't come out until dinner. After dinner, she goes to her room again and close the door. She spends all her time doing homework, watching tv, using computer, playing video games, and talking on the phone. She wouldn't say anything to me unless she have to. When I want to talk to her, she would try to move away. The last thing she want to do is talk to family. She doesn't even say hi to me anymore. She doesn't even join family reunions or activities. I don't want to be too hard because she is a good girl and doesn't disrespect or get in trouble. This is happening even since she started junior high school. I don't know why or or what to do. I love her and want to have a good childhood relationship with her but it is not working. I am a hard working parent and want to spend time with her but she doesn't appreciate it.

Answer 1

Leave her alone. If you dont let her come to you, she will resent you forever. She will come out of this eventually, but trying to speed up the process will actually slow it down.

Answer 2

Junior high was the worst years of my school education. It is very difficult, can you remember how you felt at that time?
Give her the space she is obviously needing. TELL her that you love her and are there if she needs to talk, but don't push. Make sure and tell her again and again. If you just tell her once, she won't believe you.

Also, why does she have so many things in her room? computer, tv, video games, etc. Why does she need a cell phone? It just makes her easier to escape from life, and sometimes a person needs that, but not most of the time. So, if you can find a way to get so many distractions out of her bedroom, then do so, but not in a way where she thinks that she is being punished and/or will get very angry. Think it through very carefully. And make sure to let her keep her privacy. If you are tempted to snoop-DON'T!!! If she has never given you a reason to distrust her, then don't start giving her a reason to distrust you.
Also, invite her to join family times. When she says no, then leave it at that and ask her again another time. Set up some mother-daughter times, such as a shopping trip, but don't be upset when she doesn't want to go. talk to her as she is walking through the same room, even if she does not answer. Say hello even when she doesn't respond. She needs your patience and understanding more then you need her to say hello to you, because the next teen years are going to become more and more difficult for her.

Answer 3

It is normal for a teen to distance themselves from their parents a little but you are enabling it by putting everything she could ever want in her room, add a fridge and a bathroom and she would never need to come out. Try putting the tv, video games, and computer in the family room. That will get her out of her room a bit. Require her to spend time with the family. Maybe set a specific night for family night each week. Get the entire family together to decide what you will do for family night. You could go bowling, skating, play board games, video games, watch movies, play a game of backyard volleyball, anything that your family could enjoy together. Also make time for her, one on one, take her to a coffee house one morning or an afternoon at the mall, dinner out just the two of you. The more you spend time with her the better your relationship will get.

Answer 4

Parents are stupid for putting TVsets and computers in the kids rooms.Entertainment and the internet have become their lives. You want communications. Take those things and start spending time with her. You do NOT know what kind of things she may plan with her friends or what she looks at on the net.If she EVER locks the door then you are in trouble.

Answer 5

Just every now and then ask her if she is O.k. and how things are don't get up in her face or anything, just ask from a distance. If she wants help she'll ask for it, it will probably be something that she thinks is silly or that only she can deal with it. Don't roll your eyes or do any disrespectful signs in her direction if she catches you that will make it worse.

She might just need some space for a while.

Answer 6

OK I'm 14 and i sometimes feel that my mom doesn't even notice me especially when you're living with three other siblings. But, a way to get into her is do something she likes (music,games,sports,shopping etc.) anything and if you two gradually build up a strong relationship. So let her be and don't try to push her into it. Also, try not to embarrass her or make her feel uncomfortable.

Answer 7

I used to do this to my parents, I think the best thing to do is to leave her alone. When my parents tried to talk to me before I found them REALLY annoying and thats why i tried my best to avoid conversations with them. The thing is i think it is really hard for any parents to communicate with their kids because of the age difference there is probably nothing you like that she does and if you try to talk about things she likes than she'll just think your a poser. I think the best you can do is just tell her that you love her and you're there for her and than leave her alone and soon enough when she matures more she will appreciate you more.

Answer 8

She sounds like every 12 yr old I ever knew. Our daughter was like that. All the other parents said the same things about their 12 yr olds. We just let her know that we loved her and were there for her. Later in life she told us that her prob was that she had no self confidence, and very low self image. Other girls were smarter, better looking, better at sports, developing boobs faster, had boy friends, etc etc. She never saw that many girls were dumber, not as good looking, not as good at sports, and totally flat chested, and had no boyfriends. She only looked up, not down. She finally hit her stride in science, soccer and developed boobs. She got a boyfriend and her confidence soared. She knew she wasn't a looser. It just took time.

Answer 9

she is 12, she starting to find herself and when you are doing that you dont want to talk to your parents. I did that when was her age and it was more of a thing of this is my indepence i am was going to show my parents that i had it. You will have a normal relationship with. Its just hard to be 12 and growing up.