what can you say to you 24 yr. daughter when you see she is making a bad decision ?

Question

well she is dating a lot of diffrent men and not focusing on her son anymore, she's inlove with the baby daddy and he has someone else and I think she is hurt and acting out but she gets angry when I say anything to her. I love her but just don't know what to say to her without upsetting her.

Answer 1

So very sad, I feel for you. I guess you can just drop settle hints, about not focusing so much on her personal life, and redirecting that attention to her son.

Personally It's my thought that if a parent (mom or dad) divorce, they should NOT remarry until that child reaches their 18th birthday (minimum). They can date while the child is w/the ex. but no bringing them home.

Good Luck

Answer 2

I too am 24 so lets see if I can help you from our point of view. I am not sure how your relationship is but I am very close with my mom. If she was to think I was making a bad choice and she told me then I would listen although I may not go by her advice all the time. Sit your daughter down and in a calm and very polite manner bring it up. Let her know that you know she is very much an adult and you respect all her choices. However you feel this particular choice may not be in her best interest. Then explain why you feel this way. Also tell her that in the end this is her decision but you should wanted her to know how you felt. Good luck.

Answer 3

I have a 22 year old and a 27 year old. Both sons.
And I have found in my experience, the more you tell them what they are doing wrong, the less they will do right.
I know that is hard for a parent to hear. But, it's the truth.
The more we say, the more they turn away from us and put distance between them and us.
In my experience, the trick has been to be supportive when they ask, keep my mouth shut when they don't. And just smile and bite my tongue.
When they do ask, I try to voice my opinion in a way that does not sound judgemental.
I try to see their side of things. And try to remember that it's their life, not mine. And that sometimes people only learn from their own mistakes, no matter how much we talk and try to tell them.
If you really must say something, then just make it short and sweet, and DO NOT go on and on about it. Just make a short quick statement of your opinion, and then leave it. But, make sure at the end of your proclaiming your opinion, you also say something to effect that you love them and will always be there for them.
Also, let them know that you trust them to make good decisions for themselves. Even if you don't. Saying things like, " I know that you have a good head on your shoulders, and you will make the choice that will only give you positive results in your life." Something like that.
This tells them that you think they are intelligent and make good decisions and this will give them positive reinforcement to really consider their decision more. Kindof like reverse psychology. Sometimes, even adult children will decide whatever it is we oppose just because we do.
And coming from a family where I am also on the "Child" end of this thing, I know how it is to be an adult and have your Mom tell you what to do still. (I am 45 and married for 27 years. In a great, happy, successful marriage.)
So I know how it can make you feel on both ends of this issue.
Most of all though, just let her know that you love her and that you only have her best interests in mind. And then all you can do is leave it alone. And don't bring it up again.
Let her come to you if she wants to talk about it.
Otherwise, she will feel like you are overbearing, and she will not want to talk to you or see you. And will even resort to avoiding you. So don't create that kind of tension between you.
Just say it once and then let her decide what she wants.
Pretty much, at 24, she is going to do whatever she wants regardless of what you say anyhow. So why stress yourself over it.
Just love her and hope the best for her.
Good luck.............

Answer 4

Well I'm 22 and my mom and I are very close we talk about everything. So if my mom thinks something that I'm doing is right she will tell me" I know your an adult but your still my daughter and I know your gonna do what you want but here's my opinion on the situation....." and I tell her the same thing. I don't always listen to her and she doesn't always listen to me but its good to have her at least tell me what she thinks.
I don't know if you and your daughter have an open relationship like but if you do then let her know how you feel about her decision. If not then I would still let her know how you feel just try not to come off as if you were trying to tell her what to do and make sure you listen to her when she tells you how she feels about the situation.
Hope it helps some coming from someone around her age.
Good luck

Answer 5

Although you can try and talk to her about her decision there is no way that you can really make her do what you want. Some people may take your advice but some will not. She may do the opposite of what you suggest just because she may feel that she doesnt have to listen to you.

Unfortunately for many they just have to learn a lesson from making a mistake.

Good Luck

You could ask her how she came to that decision. You could also ask her how she may feel about that decision tomorrow in one year and in ten. It may give her something to think about. Telling her directly may backfire on you. Making her think about her decision may achieve more.

Answer 6

My oldest daughter just turned 21 and isn't that great when it comes to make good decisions. I ask her simply "Can i offer you a suggestion about the decision youre about to make?" which she knows means "Mom doesn't agree with what I'm about to do." Sometimes she'll say yes, sometime's she'll say no. I offer my opinion only when it's wanted. She's in her early 20s and has to make decisions on her own and face the out come, whether it be good or bad. I make sure though that I'm always there if she needs me.
Best wishes

Answer 7

She's already made the bad descision, she just keeps making more from what it looks like. As her mother you can't tell her what to do or even offer unwanted advice. You can let her know of your disapproval of putting all these men over her son but ultimately people need to learn on their own. Hopefully she will be one who will learn from her mistakes and not keep making the same one over and over again. Unfortunately it's the children who suffer most for their parents bad descisions. You just be the best grandmother you can for this little one.

Answer 8

At the age of 24, not much. You can let her know you don't approve of the decision she's making, but if you don't let her know that you'll still love her be there for her, you'll push her away. Trust me on this, I'm on the daughters side of that relationship with my dad. He told me I was making a bad decision, and I made them anyway. 6 years later, we aren't talking.

Answer 9

You say, "Honey, while I appreciate that you're an adult and can make your own decisions, I can't agree with this one. If I were in your shoes, I would do _____ instead."

Or alternately, "Wow, I'm surprised that you have made that decision. Can you walk me through your thought process?" That might also give her the opportunity to think through it again, with a fresh perspective.

Answer 10

Other than discussing her decissions with her, she is a grown woman and has to learn from her mistakes. I know it's painful to watch her make mistakes but as a parent, you just have to be there for her shoulder to cry on and try to give her the best alternatives without being pushy. Good luck!