Maid Of Honor?

Question

I have two very close friends. The three of us were at one point in time, unseperatable. The first girl, is acutally my cousin. We have been close since childhood. The second is someone I've known for 7 years. I orginally meet her through my cousin, but we have developed out own relationship.

Well, my cousin has been making some poor choices in the past 2 years. My family is very aware of this. They have tried to help her, as have I and our friend. No one can get through to her. She's in her early 20's, no job, no car, dropped out of school, she smokes pot and she has stoled money from me and our friend.

Now, it's time for my wedding. As kids, I promised to make her my maid of honor, b/c she is the closet I have ever had to a sister. However, I don't want to do it anymore. Her behavior is out of control, I know she will not be able to afford the expenses and I'm afarid she will not be reliable. I'm doing lots of DIY, I need my bridal party go give me a

hand. As MOH, I'm a afarid she won't be able to stay organized and help me.

My other friend, the one I've been talking about, is my second choice. She's reliable and can afford her dress/shoes, etc.

I really want to give her the job. But, I'm afaird my family; my mother, cousin and aunt will object.

My family is super close and believe, "blood is thicker than water"

What should I do?

I don't want to hurt anyone feeling, but my cousin is having problems right now. We've tried to help her, but she refuses. At this point, she has to want to be helped and she doesn't.

Her behavior is actually becoming an embarrassment to our tradition Catholic family. No other cousins at like this. All are productive.

I only want one maid of honor. I like to keep things traditional.

Answer 1

She doesn't sound like a good choice to stand up for you at your wedding. You can't be expected to keep a promise you made as a child when the person becomes an out of control loser.
It's called maid of HONOR for a reason.

Answer 2

I was in this same situation. Fact of the matter is, it's YOUR wedding! If you don't want your cousin to be your MOH now and are just doing it to 'satisfy' your family your going to regret it after the wedding. This should be something memorable for you and your fiance. It's not about your cousin-- it's not about your family... it's about you two getting married! Your family should be understanding about it being that they've tried to help her thru her problems as well. Blood is thicker than water, but you shouldn't feel obligated to make a decision that your not going to be happy with. Plus, its not about what your 'status' is in someone else's wedding, either way it's an honor to be asked to take part in it!

Answer 3

Blood IS thicker than water - that's why your cousin will get over not being your Maid of Honor. My sister wanted her best friend to be her MOH, and at first I was very upset. But I got over it. And I saved a lot of money when it came to the bachelorette party planning (which the MOH was more than happy to handle herself). Break it down to your cousin. You mentioned the money aspect of being somebody's MOH - that's good. So many girls only think of being somebody's bridesmaid/MOH as a 'best friend competition', and they don't stop to think of how much money they'll be dishing out for the affair. See if you can come up with a dollar amount (shoes, dress, splitting a limo, etc...) and present it to your cousin. She might just bail and save you the trouble.

Answer 4

First of all, like I did when I got married three years ago, I had to choose who I thought would help me out the best when it came to the stress of planning a wedding. I ended up choosing my best friend over BOTH of my sisters. It hurt them, but in the long run we are all O.K. and my best friend was there for me alot more than either one of my sisters could have EVER been!! Second, I went to a wedding once where there were 2 MOH. Both the bride's sisters and it was really great, both of them made speeches, and I think the bride was happiest that way. Just a few ideas I hope help you with this very stressful time of planning a wedding. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!

Answer 5

Go with your gut- it sounds like you cousin just doesn't have it together to honor her committment. Childhood promises are based on things that may no longer be valid. Your mother and other family members likely know she is not reliable, but are afraid if she feels abandoned she may drift even further away.... so give the MOH duties to your more dependable friend, and keep your wayward cousin in mind for lesser chores that can easily be delegated to someone else at the drop of a hat if she cannot cope. Good luck.

Answer 6

Pick your friend, dont open the can of headaches that would be asking your cousin to do it. Honestly, you rely on your MOH so much, she has to be completely up to the job.

I doubt highly if your family will object, they obvously know the way your cousin is and there is nothing wrong in citing the many reasons that you have chosen someone else over her.

If she gives you crap, which, if she is self aware of the things she has done to you, she wont have the nerve, then just tell her that you need to be able to count on your MOH and you dont feel that she is in the position to be a good support system for you since she cant even support herself. I know thats blunt and harsh sounding, but it may very well take the removal of the kid gloves to get her to wake up.

Answer 7

Go with the friend. Weddings are stressful enough without having to worry about your bridal party getting their act together. If your family is also upset with her behaviour won't they understand your decision? Present them with the idea and get it resolved so you don't have to stress about it. As you read through these answers you will be gauging how they match up with your true feelings. If they are all saying the friend but it feels so wrong then you probably want the cousin deep down. If they are all saying go with the friend and you breathe a sigh of relief it is probably the way you feel too. Good luck with the wedding.

Answer 8

Oh Girl....
Reguardless of family ( who its obvious you care for) and your choice between MOH..YOU are the only one that matters. Its your day..not your Moms or cousins or anyone else for that matter. You know who you want to be your MOH..You know who can be all the things that a MOH is made of. So no matter what anyone else says its your wedding,(and your Fiance')..you have the final curtain call and its eyes on you..not the wedding party. You can always have 2 MOH...(I did) who cares what the "right way is". You do it your way. You be happy

Answer 9

I would just explain to your cousin that because of the choices she has made in her life you don't want to have to worry if the things you ask your moh to do are getting done. Let her know you love her as you always have, just you think it would be a wiser choice to have your other friend as the moh. I would still let her be a maid though

Answer 10

Even though you'll risk hurt feelings, I'd still choose your friend over your cousin, given the way you feel about things. You want your wedding (and planning) to go as smoothly as possible, and that can't happen when you don't trust your maid of honor. Go with your gut on this one. If your cousin's behavior is out of control, explain this to her if she objects to not being your maid of honor. Good luck!