Anyone notice that the mother in laws that have issues with there daughter in laws don't have a great marriage. Why is it that the daughter in laws get along with there father in laws? Do you think it's becasue the fil do not meddle in the marriage and blame the dil for there son not wanting to be around them like the mil do? What are your thoughts?
2007-06-13 09:36:37 · 5 answers · asked by Kat G 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Lindy:
This ? was not directed at you personally. It's easy to blame your dil but the truth is no wife can stop there husband from having a relationship with a family member. Your son is not tied to her 24/7. The truth is he prefers to be with his wife. When he speaks with you I am sure she becomes the topic of the conversation and he like most men is not interested in hearing it. I don't understand what you mean by dil today. As this issue between dil and mil has been going on for years. Both need to respect eachother not 1 sided.
2007-06-14 03:26:09 · update #1
You know what you are right. Now that i think of it.. My mother in law i don't care for her and she don't care for me. But it has been like that since day one. her son her only child so that is something within it self. But you are right though she isn't married at all. and she meddle all the time starting stuff try to tell me one thing and then turn around and tell my husband to do the opposite of what she suggested to me. To start an argument i guess but i don't listen to her at all. I wish she would just go somehere. My father in law is cool. he left the mother in law years ago married someone else.. he doesn't meddle in fact he advised me and my husband to stay away from the drama says that is the reason he and the mother in law are married today cause HER mother use to meddle in their business. SO i have to agree with you though that the ones that meddle don't have good marriages. I will go a step further and say this...
I was married once before that mother in law was on CRACK and i didn't have problems with her meddling or trying to control my house from the outside. the most she did was wanted to borrow money for drugs and might i add she did pay the money back and she was married too soooooooo i think kind of proves your theory.
2007-06-13 09:49:06 · answer #1 · answered by NOONTIME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really see that correlation. I think it's more of a Control Issue. This can apply to father-in-laws too, but it's more common with the mothers. If they are not emotionally ready to "pass the baton" to their family's next generation, they will see the daughter-in-law as a threat to their control. This is a tough one to resolve because it requires the mother-in-law to grow emotionally and accept change, where if they had the ability to do that, you wouldn't have this problem in the first place. Wait them out.
Also, a lot of women gauge their sense of self worth on their family raising abilities. If everyone moves out of their house, then this ability is devalued, and is seen by them as transferring to the new person (daughter-in-law) in charge of the family.
In this situation, their resentment is an almost instinctive reaction to a perceived threat to their family This situation is fairly benign, and can be worked thru over time by helping them re-establish their sense of worth.
2007-06-13 09:55:26 · answer #2 · answered by righteousjohnson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not noticed this at all. I've been married for over 30 years and my DIL has had many issues with our family. It appears to me that to many DIL's seem to think their husbands become their "property" and don't want to share them and let them continue having loving healthy relationships with their family. And before you start bashing me she has been welcomed into our family with open loving arms. They have always been treated as a couple and she has never been excluded from anything.
I think DIL's in this generation have a lack of respect and are jealous of their husbands mom. They place no blame on themselves for the conflicts. They simply expect to get married and transplant their husbands out of their old lives and place them in their life with no though to his feelings.
All I keep thinking is after reading all these MIL bashing posts is what a perfect group of MIL's we are going to be having.
2007-06-13 10:02:44 · answer #3 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If the mother-in -law is from Hell do you really think the father-in -law can possibly exert himself enough to be anything but a worm under her control? As far as it being on both sides .... of course that can happen. Most times it is only the one side though.
2016-05-19 03:40:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure this is the case in every situation, but us, as females tend to be the "more emotional" gender. Mothers tend to be very "protective" of their offspring, and tend to be more judgemental and testy of the woman that's going to take her son away from her. I'm lucky - I have a wonderful soon-to-be-mother in law, but I do see it in others sometime. But fathers tend to be more open minded to the daughter in law. But you can reverse it, when you think about it - alot of us are "daddy's girls" (Yes - I'm guilty) so our fathers tend to be harder to please for the future son-in-laws while the mothers are easier going. So now that I've confused even myself - I hope this made sense!
2007-06-13 09:43:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋