refusing to poo in toilet?

Question

i'm having alot of trouble trying to get my 3 year old daughter to poo in the toilet.she doesnt wear nappies anymore and has no problem using the toilet to pee, also have very few accidents at night but when it come to poo's she'll just refuse to go.she holds it in for days so i'll get worried it'll harm her..put a nappy on and she'll be dirty within half an hour either that or she'll do it in her pants. it's now made her constipated as its coming out like little pellets but i'm at a loss what to do.i dont want to force her to do it in the toilet as i feel pressuring her will make it worse but i'm scared of the damage it may cause if she keeps holding it in.anyone got any advice? thanks in advance x

Answer 1

Try to determine why she won't poo in the toilet. I've actually heard of kids who felt like when they poop in the toilet, they lose a part of themselves (like they would have lost a body part or internal organ), and the idea of losing it in the toilet and flushing it away to the great unknown scares them.

She could be uncomfortable trying to poo in the potty. If she's kind of precariously perched on the toilet seat with no leverage, it can be uncomfy. Get her two stepping stools or something, about half as tall as the potty, and encourage her to put her feet on them. That will allow her to bend a little at the waist, giving her some leverage to get the poo out.

In the meantime, when she does poo in the nappy, take it to the potty and empty it out, having her flush and wash her hands as she would if she were using the potty.

This doesn't work with most kids, and I wouldn't recommend it if your kids do pretty much anything "normal" (mine do not), but fear, in some ways, is a good motivator. My youngest son eventually started pooing in the potty because once when he made a big mess, my husband stripped him down and put him in the shower to clean him off, and the shower freaked him out. He now poos in the potty because he doesn't want a shower.

Answer 2

Just had this problem with my son, finally he's going 90% ok. We tried everything, rewards for going, no pants/ underwear at home (held it in, just like yours), showed him the "potty video" every night. Finally he is going - he just had to get used to it.

I'd say don't give in and put the nappie on her, she is now used to the idea that if she holds it in mommy will eventually give in. I really don't think this can hurt her (may want to run it by a doctor to make sure) and she may have a few accidents but if that embarresses her she will quickly start using the toilet.

Some other things we did (with only moderate success).

-Potty toy box, get some $1 toys put them into a box and tell her she can pick one out the first few times she goes poo in the toilet.
-Stickers for going poo in toilet (or even trying)
-Get and show her the potty video. Talk to her about how this is what big girls do, and how its nothing to be scared about.
-Even when she goes poo in a nappie, or has an accident, pick up the poo with toilet paper and take it with her to the toilet and flush it with her to show her this is where poo goes.

Good luck.

Answer 3

My daughter was the exact same way. When she soils in her diaper or her pants be sure to show her that you will dispose of it in the toilet and that is where it is suppose to go. Getting angry didn't help, trying not to care did not help. It just takes time. Make sure that you are using a seat insert so that she is comfortable sitting on there for a longer period of time. When she has to go pee it is usually very quick and she may be uncomfortable sitting for longer time. I also used the sticker chart with a small reward after a predetermined number of times for using the potty correctly. My daughter also enjoyed the books regarding this subject and they did seem to help. There was one that went into some detail regarding anatomy and where things come from and where they need to go. It's called Once upon a potty by Alona Frankel.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Hi, just had the same problem with my son. You have to throw away the nappies. And encourage at every opportunity. Explain she is a big girl and keep the potty in the toilet at all times so she gets used to being in there, stay with her, slowly progress to toilet let her sit on it for a few minutes at a time, read a book together while she is on it and thats all, it will help her build her confidence of sitting on the toilet its ok if she doesnt do anything in it. Eventually she will want to do it herself hopefully. Maybe once she is used to just sitting on it take her out and buy her some Kandoo Wipes and Handwash let her choose which colour she likes best and make sure she doesnt use them at all unless she poos in the toilet. My son still has accidents but I dont scold him just remind him he is a big boy and he has to use the toilet. Took a while to work but is worth it. Just have a plan and stick to it. Dont give in to her. Good luck!!

Answer 5

A very real problem - I have a three year old boy and have exactly the same problem - so jumped on this question in the hope of receiving some sensible solution.

My boy happily stands to pee and we purchased a very nice soft seat that fits over the adult seat which fits him perfectly and he is happy to sit there for ages ,but to no avail.

The idea to put some paper down first to stop splashing sounds interesting - if we can get him to do a poo onto the paper in the first place.

Answer 6

My son did the same thing. Perfect control at age 3, used the toilet to pee, but asked for a diaper when he needed to poop. For a year I gave it to him. Around the time he turned 4 we started having some serious discussions. (It goes plop! You'll like the sound! Don't hold it in, you'll hurt yourself! Oops, we're out of diapers!) I think I overdid it and scared him, and made myself more upset than I should have. Stick to gentle encouragement. Don't make it an emotional battle. My son, all of a sudden, at 4 years and 3 months, used the toilet without complaint, and continued to. Think of it this way: when she's 18 and graduating from high school, are you going to care if she first pooped in the toilet at 3 or at 4?

Answer 7

Wow, that is a tuff one...well, some boys aren't fully potty trained until around 4 so maybe you could just get her some pull-ups or something and put her in those everyday for like a few hours (unless of course she poops)...maybe that will gently ease her out of being scared and in the mean time show her it's okay to use the big girl potty.
Just a thought..it has to better than her holding it in.

BTW: her holding it in CAN cause problems...I noticed someone above mentioned to "not give-in"..that isn't the appropriate thing to do...try this website..it gives oyu some ideas..
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/8/T086100.asp

Answer 8

Can't offer too much help, but have you got one of those toilet seats? My daughter wouldn't go on the toilet for a poo for ages because she was scared of falling down it.
The only other thing that you could try is a potty. I know it's not ideal, but my daughter (3½) still uses both for both and I find it takes the stress off her a bit.
Good luck with this one because it sounds like a tricky one!

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Just give her time she will do it when shes good and ready. i work with fifty two 2 and 3 yr olds and most of them are like this too. Try doin her a star chart or giving her a treat when she does go. Sit on the floor next to her when she's on the toilet ( doesnt sound too good but its helped in the past) Dont worry too much and just persevere with her :)