I've been divorced for about 11 years now. My son lived with me for the first 5, then he went to live with his mom and her new husband and their 2 new kids. His mom and I do not have a good relationship at all. She has been telling me for a few years now that my son wants to change his last name so that he has the same name as his half bros. She also said that then I will not have to pay support. I feel she has done as much as she can to keep him from me and if I do this (which involves giving up my parental rights) I'll never get to see him or talk to him again. I love my son very much and want him in my life but don't know how to explain to my son so he will understand (he is 12 now). I feel his mother has manipulated him throughout the years into thinking that i'm not that important in his life and that it is no big deal to change the name. Also she makes him think that if I do this that we will still be able to visit and talk to each other.
2007-06-13 08:09:51 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It clearly sounds like you do not want to relinquish your rights to your son. Your ex is being selfish and manipulative and as usual, the child is caught between. And you're probably right --once his name changes, she will most likely not let him near you. Sounds like she is trying to get you to let her ex adopt her son... don't do it.
At 12, he is old enough to understand the ramifications of changing his last name and you no longer being his father, getting to see him, etc. Let him know that it's much more than just changing his name. Tell him that he shares more with his brothers than a name, he shares their blood.
Good luck with this.
2007-06-13 08:19:37 · answer #1 · answered by Yogi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT DO IT! My biological father gave up his parental rights when I was only 2 years old. My mother in turn remarried and that man adopted me and I took on his name. I was raised by a wonderful man...............However, I have always wished I had my biological fathers last name. That was my heritage and who I am and where I came from. Our relationship today is strange on his part because he feels ashamed for writing off his rights. It doesn't bother me because I had such a great man in my life but..............................my biological father has struggled for over 30 years of quilt now. Do not do it! This is your son, pay the child support and be a part of his life.
2007-06-13 08:25:03 · answer #2 · answered by aintlifegrand 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay. well this is quite a doozey here. half of me wants to tell you that you should let your kid do what he wants and the other half tells me that you shouldnt have to do what ur ex tells you or your son. Talk to your son. See if you can keep it the way it is for a while longer. Because, right now, you don't get to spend much time with him and you two sharing the same last name is all you have left.
~Good Luck!~
2007-06-13 08:22:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If there was a reason for changing his name I would allow it. Insurance, other kids making fun of him, etc. Other than that NO, he's your child, he should have your name.
Her legally changing his name will not change the fact of paternity and will not lessen your responsibility or child support payment. Any state would still force you to pay child support.
You should definately talk to your son and see what his reasoning is for this. If your son does not want to talk to you about it, then you should definately say no, so that you can make sure its not something that his mother is pushing on him.
2007-06-13 08:14:36 · answer #4 · answered by sweet tourettes 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He can always change it back later im sure. Continue to ba a part of his life, and enjoy not having to pay support. If you have a good relationship later, he may be more interested in carrying your legacy than his stepdads'. And he wont have to explain all the time growing up why his brother has a different last name. Just be a good dad, thats all that matters, and work to keep him in your life, as long as you are healthy for him.
2007-06-13 08:16:26 · answer #5 · answered by Gregg L (JPA) 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its time to go to family court and request joint custody and/or visitation rights and yes continue to support him financially and physcially. If your son wants to change his name let him wait until he is of age. Usually a child doesnt ask for change their name unless its he being munipulated by someone. Get involved in your son life and do something now.
2007-06-13 09:23:50 · answer #6 · answered by beliz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will regret it in the long run. My bf gave up his rights due to child support issues and he regrets it every day. That is your son and if you love him you won't do it. He'll understand when hes older why you didnt let him change his name.
2007-06-13 08:26:25 · answer #7 · answered by Rin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him when he is 18 he can do whatever he wants. Do not let him do this at 12. At that age kids are so unsure of themselves, the last thing they need is a lack of stability. Tell him he has to wait. Don't tell him no. Tell him wait. It'll be okay.
2007-06-13 08:13:29 · answer #8 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never give your parental rights away. It sounds like she is trying to have her new husband adopt your son. I wouldn't stand for it. I'd take her to court. I'd also make sure your son understands what is going on.
2007-06-13 08:16:49 · answer #9 · answered by tender loving dyke 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live in the U.S…
If she’s leading you to believe that by allowing Son to change his last name, that relieves you of child support, she’s lying to you (changing his name does not terminate your parental rights or responsibilities). The only way you will be relieved of child support is if her hubby ADOPTS Son.
2007-06-13 08:18:56 · answer #10 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋