is this normal?

Question

my bf and i decided to break up and remain friends since he was distant with me and later i found out that our different religions were on his mind, and he didn't want to go against his parents and religion by being with me. I am aware of the rules in his religion and so agreed to remain friends as i want him in my life regardless.

I met him for the first time yesterday since the split 3 weeks ago. We just spent the day together and had fun. No awkwardness or anything. We spoke of random things. He's as he was before just without the physical contact.

I like the way it was, and he wants to meet up again in a couple of days. He's in the area for a couple of weeks - it's was a long distance relationship. After that i don't know what will happen.

I'm not sure what to think?.. is this normal?? can it all be this easy to break up and act like best friends so soon after? is this situation going to end up hurting me? i'm very confused and don't want to make a mistake!

the only thing he said yesterday about us was that how his feelings are still the same for me but he has no choice but to not have a relationship with me.

I replied by saying that my feelings are the same too but if i don't control them then someone will get hurt. He didn't know what to say after that but it was all said so casually. We were both relaxed. A little too relaxed do u think?

Answer 1

He likes you as a person, but will not have a relationship with you or marry you. He already told you what will happen- nothing. What's confusing about that? In his mind, you're not worthy of being his girlfriend, much less his wife.
I think you need to make some better friends.

Answer 2

It sounds like the distance made you just friends anyway--so yes, this could work itself into a nice friendship. You should stay away from the physical contact so you don't confuse things, but if things get a little confused, so be it.

Adults usually don't jump into a committed relationship--most start out casually like you did, and decide whether to be friends or lovers later--after a couple kisses and some time to get to know each other. I really don't think you'll get hurt by this friendship, even if there are more feelings there--you'll meet a lot of people you have feelings for, but will only pursue relationships with a few of them.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are still clinging to hopes of getting back with him. Unless he makes a clearcut decision to go against the pressure over your different religions then there is no hope for a happy ending. You will just keep tormenting yourselves and each other by wanting something you cannot have. Since he has had time away from you it's only natural that he should miss you, but if you started seing each other again the problems would only re-occur eventually. It might seem like the hardest thing now, but you really need to cut out seing him completely, and accept the fact that things will never change. If a relationship splits, it is always for a reason, and although you might not think it now, eventually you will find someone who is more suited to you, and be allot happier. If you keep lingering you will never move past it.

Answer 4

I was with my ex for 5 years, we lived together and then travelled the world together for a year. When we came back things weren't the same. He finished it but I was adamant that we should remain friends becasue I needed him in my life. Things were fine until he started dating someone else. I thought I was over him but it broke my heart. He finished with her and we tried again but it didnt work. We are still friends now but I dont think its healthy. Being mates straight after a break up doesnt work even if it seems ok at the time. Have a decent amount of space from each other and then see how you feel. It probably best to cut ties with each other so you can move on. You are both fooling yourselves that everything is fine. At least one of you will be hurting.

I like having my ex as a friend but neither of us has properly moved on and its been over a year now. Its definately not normal. I am regretting my decsion to stay friends now but its much harder to end a friendship than a relationship.

Hope this helps and everything works out for you.

Answer 5

Hi Anna, I hope you are okay. Look listen to me babe, he is trying to have the best of both worlds by meeting up with you when he wants and having a good time but
without the stress and guilt of having a girlfriend. He's going to hurt you in the end. I know you still have feeling for him, and okay say you meet up a occasionally, but WHAT are you going to do when one day he tells he's getting an arranged marriage. Trust me! Tell him it's all or nothing, you're not going to be messed around. Having him as a Friend is damaging to you as you'll never be able to move on and get him out of your system. Good luck!

Answer 6

Stop talking you dated each other for reason, you stopped for neither one of you not getting along of meshing well together which means you still feel a relationship would work so it will always be on both your minds and with that you can never begin searching for someone new because you will still have each other in your lives or if one leaves THEN you will have the remorse of the break up and it will be even worse because you didn't see it coming and dragged it out. Talking might be fine but you have to start edging away.

Answer 7

I think he really did the right thing by you. You deserve a man with whom you're going to come first - over his religion, and over his family. He's a good guy, and was honest enough to let you know that that's not him.

Be however you feel like being - relaxed is perfectly okay. But if it hurts too much to be around him, don't worry about taking a break, either. That's perfectly okay as well.

Answer 8

Religions have come between young people for a very long time. It sounds like he likes you but will not go against his parents and his religion. You should start looking for someone else because if his parents meet someone they want him to marry I can assure you he will do what they want. You will end up getting hurt, and that is not fair to you. So keep your options open, tell him he is right that it is better to just be friends and you are sure your feelings will subside with time. (This is for YOU THINK what it would be like if you married him and you did not agree with his parents. WHO do you think he would back up or believe, YOU? I DO NOT THINK SO!!) It is better for you to just be friends. Good Luck & Aloha

Answer 9

I am not sure what "normal" is...it may be possible that the concept of normalcy is just an illusory ideal. At any rate, this is most likely a defining moment in your development as a human being. You may be pioneering territory in which conventional rules don't apply...that's fine too, as that's how we evolve. Let your conscience be your guide, and best of luck to you as you navigate this course.

Answer 10

I couldn't do it. I tried. Being friends with someone who you have feelings for is hard. If you can be friends, but never wonder if "just maybe" it'll happen, you guys stand a chance. But I think that most people in your situation are just going to get hurt. Good luck.