Wedding ,, Wedding men and women need advice,, disaster?

Question

HI GUYS, I was planning on having my wedding right!! in January. well I had 54 guest and me and my fiance look over the guest list,, He took too people ooff the guest list,, which so happens to be my male friend and his sister. we have been friends for years and years. since elementry. My fiance told me I cant'n have my friends there because it is going to be a small wedding and family only. But the problem is this my friends are family they are family to the point where they dont'n address my parents or grandparent's by mr. or mrs. they address them by mom,, granny, papa, and so on I do his family that also but not his mom because she past 2 1/2 years ago.Even though I havent'n seen them in a while,, bout a year are so because of hurricane katrina,, They go see my family everyday and even sometimes sleep over there. My fiance dont have any male friends at all . And i'm starting too think he dont want them too come because he has no friends and that is not my fault,,

he isolates himself form soceity and works at home at an internet company and just do everything at home pay for everything from home even his bills ,, my frineds were already notify that they were in invited and now he wants me to uninvite them,, this means so much too me because my friends and I ahve always kept in touch and been there for each other.. I been knowing my fiance going on two yrs in oct,, and it just ist'n fair

he isolates himself form soceity and works at home at an internet company and just do everything at home pay for everything from home even his bills ,, my frineds were already notify that they were in invited and now he wants me to uninvite them,, this means so much too me because my friends and I ahve always kept in touch and been there for each other.. I been knowing my fiance going on two yrs in oct,, and it just ist'n fair

I want my friends to see me get married to the man of my life,, what advice can you guys give me,, sorry about the typo's,, but he say's it is only immedate family only but my friends is family and he just dosen't understand our family culture or how we were raise,,he comes fromalabama and I come from lousiana. How should I address it to him , we fought and fuss about this for three days but he still insist that they cannot come.
what am I supposed to do my family say's that is wrong for my fiancee to do that,, but he really dosen't care for them like that no way,, what could you guys tell me about him and his behavior, adding my friends to the guest list will be 54 guest but taking them away will be 52 , I dont think it's right and just because he dont have no friends,dosent mean i have to be like him,, i mean god!! it's only two of my friends,, and i only have them,, they are more like my brother and sister.

he told me if they showed up at the wedding he had a surprise for me,,,!!! guess what that is ??? he not going to marry me in front of those people,,, meaning he is threatening me with this marriage ,,,
am I being stubborn for just wanting two of my best friends there? and I being selfish,,

I want to be happy on my wedding day not upset,, and i most certainly will if they cannot come.
really upset and might cry.
he is paying for the wedding so like most people say it's all about the bride and brides get what they want,, dosen't works in this case.

I mean guys this ist'n just any friendship ,, this is really a seriously friendship. when they mom die my mom was there to take care of them they are family,, my only true friends I ever had,, through all my up and downs in life they were there for me ,,, they never backstab me in the end,, and i called them friends,, no he dont have any friends but his game buddies.

Answer 1

Well, to be honest, I have my doubts as to whether the two of you will be able to pull off a successful marriage (notice I said nothing about a successful wedding). This whole issue strikes me as petty and if the two of you can't make the decision about who should or should not be at your wedding without throwing some low blows about "It's not my fault he doesn't have any friends", then I don't think you have what it takes to spend your life with someone, trying to make decisions that are actually best for you as a family instead of you as an individual. At the moment, the two of you are playing at being grown up instead of actually being grown up about the whole situation.

And I just can't figure out why people (you, apparently, included) feel like "it's all about what the bride wants" because you know, it's his wedding day too. I mean, in my opinion, ANY bride who takes that attitude about how their wedding should be, based solely on what they want, is in the wrong, because it's starting out your life together as husband and wife on the wrong foot. I don't think he's right here, but I think the whole "I should get what I want in all regards because today is about ME" attitude brides have flatly contradicts the way a person in a caring marriage should behave.

Just my own personal opinion.

If your fiance can't handle "Because they're my family of friends, and they mean a great deal to me, and it would mean a lot to me to have them there" as a good enough reason to let those two people come to the wedding, then you two (yes, both of you) have issues, and should work them out before you spend a lot of money walking down the aisle. It costs a lot less to postpone a wedding than it does to pay for a divorce.

Answer 2

I read your question (and the multiple follow-ups twice) and still have no idea what you're really asking?! If it's about who is going to be present at your wedding, you need to speak to your future husband about that. From what I gather, he already made a sacrifice by taking his sister off the guest list. Maybe I'm getting the wrong impression, but I think you're being very selfish. Maybe you haven't noticed yet, but weddings are VERY expensive. If you want your friends to come, work some overtime or find another job in order to pay for the extra guests meals, drinks, place settings etc. It sounds like your fiancee has his hands full. You're not even married yet and you're already complaining about things as trivial him paying the bills online. Think about why you're marrying him... And ask yourself if you were in his shoes, would you willingly tell members of your immediate family to not attend so that his college buddies to come to the wedding? Cut the guy some slack. You've got far from a disaster. You don't push this guy away before you can even say your "I Do's". Talk it over. That's what makes a successful marriage last a lifetime. Good luck.

Answer 3

Are any of his friends invited? If so then it's definitely unfair. If not, a compromise needs to be found. Either he can have a couple close friends at the wedding, or you have to cut a few out. I understand friends being like family, but in the end... they aren't, since most people define family as actual relatives.
Have you already sent out invitations? If so, "uninviting" these people would be extremely tacky.
It sounds like you both have some issues to tackle, other than the guest list. The tone of your question suggests that you don't approve of his reclusive nature and lack of social skills. Marrying before you deal with these problems just doesn't sound smart. Get yourselves to counseling, a lot of couples do it and it helps.

Answer 4

I don't think it's a good idea for you to get married. Just based on your very long question, it is obvious that you have some issues with this man's character and personality. He is a loner and you are not. That's going to really be a negative for you. If you can't stand it now, it's going to get even worse after you are married. Secondly, your fiance is already showing major signs of insensitivity and threats and all this over (2) people. This is pretty serious here and you better take a good look at these warning signs! It sounds like you have a very controlling man who wants to call all the shots and doesn't give a hoot what you think. Do you think you'll be happy with this kind of abuse? If so, go ahead and hurt your friends. But, I'd call if off!

Answer 5

Okay sweetie, there is a reason he doesn't have any friends and is isolating himself. He is either phobic about being in crowds or in public, or there is a secret you don't know! He either has an on-line girlfriend or is at porn sites all day, or something! Trust me, I've been in this situation.

Even if that is not the case, he obviously doesn't respect your feelings or have any consideration for you. This will just be the first in a long line of things to come that he will act this way about. You are the one who is right! It doesn't matter who is paying; you should be able to have the ones closest to you there to see your special day. He should want that for you.

He is not your prince if he doesn't act princely!
Get out now before you have to split all the assets!

Answer 6

Okay. Seriously? This whole long huge post is because you want to invite two -- two -- friends from grade school and he doesn't want you to invite them? Houston, you have a problem. If you cannot compromise on two guests (I mean, really), then don't marry him. Period. End of story. If these two guests are that important to you and he tells you if they show he has a "surprise for you" then he doesn't care about your feelings and you need to get out now. He is trying to control you and has now resorted to threats. Is he ten years old or something?

Walk now, sister. No, don't walk -- run. Your life will be miserable if you go through with it. If he's not willing to compromise, move on.

Answer 7

I'm sorry, that was just too long to read it all, but I think I get the drift of it. Increase the size of the wedding. Have you and him each invite a few friends. Make it fair. If he's pitching this fit because he doesn't have any friends at all, then it sounds like he's trying to stop you from having any friends. That isn't healthy, by the way.

Answer 8

Why are you marring this guy if he's and outcast and a loner. I think you shouid ask yourself that question. BTW where did you 2 meet? It's not your fault for having friends and he should be a little more reasonable when it comes to real close friends like yours. I really think you should be careful with this guy. Trust me if he's being unreasonable right now, imagine what he's gonna be like once you're married. He'll want to have you under control, no friends, and outcast just like him and he might be those kind of sick jealouse guys. He might not be one now but imagine the possibilities.
I really with you the best and good luck!

Answer 9

This is something you need to discuss with your fiance, not the Yahoo Answers community. They are your friends and he is going to be your husband. If you're having trouble communicating now, and if he's being as unreasonable as he seems to be, you might want to consider your decision to get married for awhile. I'm being perfectly serious. This is NOT a small thing, and is indicative of things to come.

Answer 10

I see why you are mad...but what's two people? Trust me...some family wont end up comming for whatever reason...so if it's money he's worried about then it will all work out in the end. tell him that they are as good as family in your eyes as well as your family's eyes and that your family would be upset if your friends arent there. Its just a small thing you are asking for and I dont see why he's making such a big deal about this if it's important to you.