Fiance want's her cousin to minister our nuptial.?

Question

My girlfriend/fiance and I are planning our wedding and she would like to see her cousin minister our nuptials. I am Christian, she is Catholic. She says she wants it to be personal as opposed to having some priest/pastor do our nuptials. Her cousin is a gay man that earned his ordained ministership over the internet. I've met him twice at her family outings. He's personal to her. He's some random guy that I've hardly said more than "Hello" to me. I beleive that marraige is the reunion of two souls seperated through birth into this dimension of duality. I beleive that marraige is ordained by God. I do not beleive some gay man that took a test on the internet is qualified to ordain a spiritual union under God. I think that the idea that it is even possible to become an ordained minister over the internet is morally reprehensible and repulsive. What do you guys think about this?

A wedding is not for the wife. I am not bending over backwards to do everything her way. At the end of my life, when I am standing in front of God and he asks me why I didn't invite him to our wedding, and why I have lived a life of adultery in a union not ordained by God. I want a better answer than, "because she said so". An online ordained minister is a dissemination of the state's authority to acknowledge a marraige. In my opinion the state's part in a wedding is nothing more than to acknowledge the union. It is my beleif that they don't even have the right to advocate a marraige. The only entity with that right is God, and because you can't book an appointment with God to ordain your wedding, you have someone who lives a spiritual life of faith in obedience with God ordain it.

Answer 1

Why not have him read a passage at the wedding and have a seond minister to do the actual vows? Many people are using two ministers now. As a matter of fact I attended one where there was a minister of the Christian faith and one from the Jewish faith.

Answer 2

This sounds like a train wreck about to happen. This random guy is about to become your cousin too. Whether or not he's gay has nothing to do with whether he's qualified to perform a marriage. And if she's Catholic and you're nonCatholic even if Christian, she might stressing about giving up a Catholic wedding.

You both get to be happy here, though -- you're both getting married. You're justified in not wanting an internet ordained mininister to conduct the ceremony. Seminaries teach a lot more than just the Bible. It's understandable that you want a professional to handle the most important day of your life. Besides, you'd hate to discover in ten years and when you have kids that your marriage wasn't legal for some quirky reason based on his internet ordination. Just because he claims to be ordained doesn't mean that he's licensed to perform marriages in your state.

Try suggesting that he be invited to say a blessing at the ceremony. You can also personalize the ceremony with your own vows, the setting of the cememony, etc. Give her a loving hug and tell her that you'll work with her on personalizing it, including having Cousin Internet give a blessing, but that you want to make sure this is a forever marriage ceremony with a professional Minister or Priest. If you can't agree on a compromise, postpone the wedding -- neither of you will ever be satisfied if the other one gets 100% of his/her own way on this, and it wouldn't be a good start

Answer 3

you seem to feel very strongly about this and I would have a long chat with her about your feelings. I do have to disagree with one part however.... my fiance and I (while we do believe in God and pray) are not chruch goers and will not have a minister marry us. Instead my friend will solemnize the wedding (ordained for 1 day through the state). Our marriage will not be any more or less valid just because a minister or a preist didn't do it.

There has got to be a compromise here. Explain to her you dont feel right that he got his ministership through the internet...and that you would rather have someone who's either a bit more qualified. Maybe go for a JP if the religion clash is too much (I am ot sure as to how different these two are, I imagine it's not too much of a clash.) Or if you can compromise to have her cousin do it if he goes through the process to solemnize the wedding like my friend did. (just search the net for solemnization in your state).

Best of luck!

Answer 4

It sounds a little like your biggest problem with her cousin is that he is gay. They are related, they are close, and if you are going to marry this woman, you are going to have to get over that.

If marriage is the reunion of two souls seperated by birth into this dimension, then it shouldn't matter who performs the ceremony. Your souls are one.

Basically, it comes to this - she wants her cousin to do it. Her cousin isn't allowed to become a "real minister" in her religion. But she wants her cousin to do it.

You can't win this one. He's not a random guy, as far as she is concerned, and by not respecting her feelings about this, you are setting yourself up for a rough marriage (not just the wedding). Have the union blessed by a minister you like later, say for your first anniversary. Let the rest go.

The important part is that you wind up married to her. Right?


OK, having read your response, I have to say you and your fiance need to talk about a few more things before you get married.

And, while I appreciate your enthusiasm for your religion, the state does have a place in marriage. All of the benefits associated with marriage - money, real estate, hospital visitation, are granted by the state. Earthly concerns, but important.

Other cultures seperate the religious and secular parts of the ceremony. Perhaps we should consider that.

Does she know how deeply you hold your religious beliefs? Because it doesn't sound like you are on the same page at all.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I'm not sure exactly why you asked all of us this question, because it sounds like you have very definite beliefs and opinions about it that you are not willing to bend on. That is not a bad thing; and this is not an insult or anything like that.

You are more than entitled to your beliefs, just like the rest of us.

I think the real question is, if you truly believe that your fiance is your other soul half, then why are you not in agreement on this? She obviously doesn't feel the same way you do. It seems as if she is viewing the ceremony as a more emotional rather than spiritual union. You need to discuss this with her.

If you do not feel like this is something you can compromise on, and she doesn't want to compromise either, then maybe you should not get married. Maybe you are not the right two souls.

You should find someone who truly believes as you do on this subject, or someone who is willing to bend to your wishes on it.

Answer 6

I agree completely with all of your points. I believe marriage is ordained by God.

However, your situation sounds confusing to me-you sound religious/faithful so do you attend church? If you and your fiance attend a church regularly then why wouldn't you ask that pastor to perform the service. It seems as though your finance's biggest concern is having someone that she knows and cares about to perform the wedding-if you were attending church then you would already have someone to do it. I also suggest that you two do attend church-it sounds as though religion is important to you so make it an important aspect of your relationship.

Are you planning on having the ceremony at a church? If so, they will have rules about who can perform the ceremony. Ask your fiance where she plans on having the service at.

Before talking to your fiance think about what you want for a service and ceremony. Then tell her what you feel-that Internet ordained ministers are not ministers of God.

Answer 7

But don't you think that God is listening anyway, and will be thrilled about your promise to him and to each other, regardless of who marries you? Honestly, if you have only met him twice, you probably don't know much about how spiritual he might be...Some people have God in their hearts without going to Seminary School.

That said, you should simply put your foot down...Most of the time, the groom doesn't get to say a lot about how the wedding is planned, and if this is an important issue for you, you need to stand up and say so. Let her know that he may be someone special to her, but he's not to you, and that it's critical to you to have an actual clergy member handle the service. As two adults who love each other, you should both be willing to compromise in order to make it work for you as a couple!

Answer 8

my cousin did my and my wifes wedding, but he is part of a true ministry at a real church, not an online minister and he did awesome.
that being said, it sounds like your options are (1) make your wife happy or (2) get a different minister.

A wedding is for the wife, get used to it, and make her happy
She will ask a lot more by the time the wedding is here, trust me, its better to let her have it her way.

Answer 9

If you two are this far apart on this issue there will be more trouble for you - are you sure that marrying this girl is the right thing to do?

Answer 10

i agree. stand your ground. im sure that she has picked out most details for the wedding. tell her this is the one thing that you want more than anything. its only fair. i am picking out everything for my wedding but i let my fiance choose the church and minister. good luck