A baby for the wrong reasons?

Question

I have been with a man for years on-and-off. I have forgiven MANY of his wrong doings, one included having a baby by another woman, I am now preg. but I am really questioning whether I want it or not. This isnt my first pregnancy, but this is the first time that I have felt like this. I would love to have a baby by him, but I want to do it the right way, I dont want to end up like his other children's mothers. (he had 2 before I met him). I love him deeply but at times I feel like I would be selling my child and myself short if I had one at this point in my life. (I am younger than him and am currently in college) Please help, no sarcasim! Ive considered waiting until he gets himself together, but to be honest, that might be a long time from now!

I will say he does what he can for his children. he is not a dead beat, he loves them as I have seen him and them interact for years. I have no doubt that he will be there and help me, because I know he will. When i say that I dont want to end up like them, what I mean is I dont want to be alone, still wanting him, finding out about other women, and other things...I dont want to be stuck in a less than what Im accustomed to lifestyle because I had a baby and now must do everything on my own and not be able to progress in life and not only that but not be able to give my child what I know he/she deserves.

Answer 1

If you need to "talk" please contact me by email. Since you have these doubts its probably not the best time to bring a child into the relationship.

Answer 2

At this point you have to do what is right for you. Take into consideration his other children. Does he spend time with them? Are they important to him? Does he support them at all (financially or emotionally?) You can be pretty sure by the way he treats his other children and their mothers, that that is how you will be treated. Also, you said off and on. By being pregnant and having his baby, do you really think you guys are always going to be on? I know I wouldn't go through with it in your situation. Either path you choose will be hard for you and your child. Think of every step you can forsee in your life and imagine doing it alone, and then with a baby. it doesn't make sense to include him, considering he doesn't seem to be fully commited to you.

Answer 3

I know what you are going through. My babys father and I have been on and off for a couple of months now. I am currently 6 months pregnant and he hasn't been around for it at all. I too have forgiven a lot of his wrong doings such as sleeping w/ someone else, physically and emotionally abusing me...than I found out he is dealing drugs..which turned him into this whole different person! I love him deeply...and I know I always will but I've been putting him before my unborn, which is not fair nor right.

I am 21 and also in college, although I fear becoming a single mother...I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it possible. I know right now you feel like life won't be fair for you or your child, but don't deprive yourself of your baby because of his wrong doings. I cry myself to sleep every night..but deep down...I know what I have to do....stay strong...remember your worth! I know it's not easy...trust me! But it's not impossible.

If you would like to talk please e mail or message me....

Answer 4

Yeah, it particularly is a incorrect reason. Having a new child can from time to time make you experience greater on my own, particularly in the experience that your boyfriend isn't supportive for the period of the being pregnant or would not help out whilst the child is born. babies are surprising, yet they seem to be a extensive duty and could no longer fulfill your emotional desires for companionship. i'm sorry you experience so on my own. possibly communicate on your boyfriend approximately it? If he's not committed to you and to the relationship, possibly it's time to detect a clean guy.

Answer 5

no one can make the choice but you.

I am pro life. That is enough said.

I know a girl who had an abortion at 19 years old, she was pregnant with a man she knew was no good.. She has regretted her choice for the past 15 years. On that baby's due date every year she takes off, needs to be alone. I know, if she had to do it over again, she would have had her baby.

Just make sure you personally are ok with the choice you make.

I know you will figure out what is best for you. Not an easy choice, I know.

Answer 6

Follow your gut. Your answer is in your question, 5 times over.

Cut him loose. THEN decide what you want to do about the baby growing inside of you. Do you want to raise it as a single mother? Do you want to give a loving couple a chance at being parents? Or do you want to abort?

But count that guy out. He is not good enough for you and you know it.

Answer 7

If you are having these doubts, it's for a reason. It doesn't sound like he's fully committed to you...did you just get pregnant to try and keep him? Consider adoption if you don't want the baby. I think that would be very brave of you to do for your child's sake. A child really need a mother and a father around. He doesn't sound like he's around for his other children, what makes you think he will be around for yours....

Answer 8

Abortion would be wrong and selfish, your thinking about what is best for YOU not that unborn child. If he can't man up, then don't be with him. Your not the first who would be a single mother. Women do it all the time, just be strong.

Answer 9

I understand where you are coming from, but really all you can do is have this baby and if he chooses not to take care of it, make him pay for child support.