what should my husband and I do about grieving?

Question

My husband and I are grieving and his brother was killed in the war recently and now my hubby's parents are taking all of the inheritance and moving far away from us and my hubby's sister and they are pretty much dumping his big sister and her 3 year old daughter on us!! and his sis is a mean, violent, slob!! we understand how hard this is on his parents but... why are they doing this to us? they seem angry that my hubby is alive and that their golden child died. so the story is they are moving far away(for no reason) from us and his sister, they are taking all the inheritance $$$ that my hubby and his sis are entitled to but they wont hand over, and dumping his sister on us because they are done being free room & board & freee babysitter, big sis keeps saying no matter where we move she is going to follow!!! Im sick of this someone plz tell us what we can do. we have tried doing and saying anything nice u could think of and nothing is working. what should we do?

Answer 1

Work with a psychologist to deal with the mental anguish. Call an attorney to handle the legal issues. If your brother-in-law left a will and named you and your husband, you are entitled to his bequest.

Answer 2

Its an incredible burden to bear. Remember that god never gives you more than you can take. And that toughness is not measured by how hard you can hit, but by how hard you can be hit, and still keep moving forward. The best thing you can do is start at your GP's office. Tell a professional what you are going through, ASK for help. They can refer you to the proper counselling, both group, and individual. This might help you all come to grips with what has already happenned, what is happening now, and what will likely happen in the future as a direct result. You can't control anyone else, only yourself. So don't push or pull anyone into doing it, just control what is controllable, and right now, thats only yourselves.
Not sure about what inheritance $$$ you speak of, unless the brother himself had money and left it to someone, but no one can take what was not given to them. Money is the root of most of the family divisions, and its just not worth it. Someone read the will, and when you understand it correctly accept it, and let it end there. Also, no one can force anyone to take anyones family in. This will all come out in counselling. Just make the appointment with your family doctor, ask for help and get the ball rolling.

God bless.

Answer 3

first of all, you have my sympathy for your loss.

now, your in-laws are taking 'all the inheritance and moving'... was the money left to them individually, or to the family jointly? the insurance will be paid to the beneficiary/ies LISTED ON THE POLICY, by the insurance company. if you just want a piece of the action, but your brother in law didn't actually name you and your husband as beneficiary, there is legally nothing you can do. now, what exactly are your parents-in-law doing to you? they cannot, in any way, 'dump your sister-in-law and her child ON you'. she's an adult, and unless she's of diminished mental capacity, she makes her own decisions. as do you. and if you decide not to allow someone in your home, as long as they are not your minor child, you can't be compelled to allow them in your home, and you've committed no crime. if you feel that you are being harrassed by your sister-in-law, you can make a legal complaint, and get a restraining order against her. however, i've got to tell you, that if you do that, then you are, in effect, "burning your bridges" as far as your husband's family is concerned.
to be honest, from the tone of this statement, you are angry, and you keep mentioning money. so, it would appear that you are more angry about money than anything else. to be honest (and i'm NOT trying to hurt you) the statement you made:
"they seem angry that my hubby is alive and that their golden child died."

is extremely sarcastic, angry, and hurtful. it also makes me wonder how long this resentment has been going on, it would appear that it's not new, and perhaps that could be why his parents are moving.


"so the story is they are moving far away(for no reason) from us and his sister, they are taking all the inheritance $$$ that my hubby and his sis are entitled to but they wont hand over,"

hmmm, one person's "no reason" can be another person's glaringly obvious one. you don't know what their reason is, have you asked? do you care? or are you so .... upset.... about the money which is going with them, that you don't care about why? and, again, why would your husband and his sister be entitled to anything? are they listed as beneficiaries? if they are, the insurance company will send them their 'share', if not, they aren't entitled to a red cent.

if you don't want your sister-in-law in your home, tell the family this, and stick by your guns. that is your right. it is your in-law's right, though, to not fork over any money to you.

have you tried family therapy?

Answer 4

People grieve in different ways. With the death of a brother recently, it has hurt my whole family. Instead of separating this is the time for being there for each other. I would help Big Sis with the government assistance programs and get her on her feet. I'm sure there are programs for her. As for you & your husband, try to be there for him as much as you can. For me, some times alone time is what I need most. Just a few minites to think and then I'm ok for a while then other times I don't want to be by myself. It's hard to know how a person is feeling so ask him if he wants to talk. People reacts different to death. Hope everything will get better for you.

Answer 5

Big sis needs to go to the welfare department. If they feel that she is entitled to a portion of the inheritance, they will fight for it for her (and possibly for your hubby, too).

You do NOT have to open your door to an adult who is capable of either working or getting government assistance.

To tell you the truth, I have six children--if one of them died in the war, I would want to move far away, too. However, I would be sure that my other children had enough money to survive independently

Answer 6

It sounds like you guys are in a tough situation but here's what you must do: Stay positive and try to look at the bright side of life. Getting negative and angry will only make things worse. Stay positive, try to see the beauty and goodness around you and you will find yourself more happy and better equipped to deal with these problems. Stay happy and positive no matter what befalls you and you will have lived a successful life.

Click on the link below if you want to feel better!

Answer 7

I know this is a hard time right now for you guys...however, think of the children because they have NO choice or decisions in this matter. Please don't take your frustrations out on them......it's not their fault. Hopefully his parents will come around....if not you guys continue on and BE STRONG for each other and the kids. You will be blessed.

Search for some help groups with families in the same situation.....you guys can all help each other.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

first of all im sorry for your loss, as for grieving, you do what you you feel will help you. some people start a charity, some sit around drinking with a bunch of people who knew him and remember good times. jus try not to do anything destructive because im sure that isnt what he would want. as for the sister with the child, remind her she is an adult and has a child to provide for. you arent responsable for another adult. and for the parents part, everyone deals with loss in their own way and sometimes that way is to try and get away from it and anything that reminds them of it. i hope everything works out for you.

Answer 9

hey there, just think about how there's millions of people in the world dying of hunger, thirst, poverty, working in the worst situations, which in effect gives us the good life.. In this sense, I do not grieve, because there's so many out there that one can try to help..

By the way, please email me about the abduction experience you had. I'd like to talk more about it with you. I've been having some weird experiences lately myself...

Answer 10

Dump the slob at the welfare office,lock up the house,and take a vacation. Doesn't have to be far,,just away! Best to you both! ;-)=