Dad at wedding? Serious & MATURE answers only! Thank you?

Question

Hi! My dad has been in prison for the past 12 years, he's missed every important event in my life, including the birth of both of my children. My dad has always meant a lot to me despite our past. However, I would like opinions on him walking me down the aisle.

I wanted to have our wedding in May and my dad is going to be released in August so I was thinking of having a October wedding instead so that he could be present. My thought is that since he has never been there, that having him walk me down the aisle and give me away would symbolize a lot; Basically that he's out, and he's officially giving me away. My fiance, of course, he's fine with this, but would you regret postponing the wedding by a couple of months.

Violet Pearl: I SPECIFICALLY asked for MATURE answers only and I did not ask you to judge my dad, I only asked for opinions....guess you don't know what an opinion is!

Carly: Not sure where you are trying to go with your comment but I would have appreciated it if it ANSWERED my question, not questioned me!

**My mother, who I'm not terribly close to has actually asked me to consider having my dad walk me, and yes she did remarry but my stepdad and I have never gotten along.

Answer 1

If you want your dad to walk you down the aisle, go for the October wedding. If I were you, no I wouldn't regret postponing the wedding. A couple of months is not going to make a difference. I think it would give him something to look forward to and to remember for the rest of his life. For you, it would be a "dream come true" and I say that makes it worth the short wait. You seem like a very mature person that understands that love also means forgiveness. Your fiancee and family are very lucky to have you in their lives.
Best wishes and congrats.

Answer 2

It's your wedding day, not theirs. You should be able to invite the people you and your future husband want there, but I understand, as I have a large family as well, and had a similar dilemma when I was planning my own wedding. What I would suggest is to give each set of parents a limit of say, 10 - 20 guests (depending on your budget) and you two make up your own list, then compare all the lists, cross out any double entries, and weed out any truly unnecessary guests. Remember, half of these people are only going for the free food and open bar, and the other half really wants to be there, so be considerate to the people who you think might really want to witness you two exchange your vows, but be wise about the free-loaders! I have been married for 13 years and I had a guest list of about 150 people. About 20 of those people are now deceased, 75 were family members, and the others I have never seen again. I have an uncle that I don't really like much (my mother's brother) and so I did not invite him. My mom was a little upset at first, but I explained to her that I did not want any negativity on my wedding day and she understood. I still have no regrets to this day. I hope my advice has helped you in some way. Good luck, and congratulations!

Answer 3

You real question is not whether or not having your dad walk down the aisle with you.
It's whether or not it's OK to postpone the wedding.

I don't know your religion, but for some, it's considered bad luck to postpone once the date has been set up (as in, you already invited your guests for say, August 17th, and made the arrangements)

If you didn't really set up a date with your fiance, meaning, no invitations were sent out, no caterer/ band/ flowers booked, then you should be safe postponing your wedding to October.
And you deserve the pleasure of having your dad be a strong part of your important day.

Answer 4

If he means that much to you, then no, there shouldn't be any reason to regret. You're getting married, meaning you'll have a lifetime together anyway, there's nothing wrong with postponing it for a couple of months.

If anyone questions you, you can just tell them you're waiting for my dad to be able to share this moment with you. No one can tell you how you should feel about your dad, even if he might not have been father of the year. You're only going to do this once, and if you want him to, then he should be there! Have you talked to him about it, and asked him how he felt about walking you down the aisle? It's great that your fiancee is fine with it, I see no reason why anyone else shouldn't be either. It's YOUR day, you do whatever you need to do to make it that much more special and complete. A wedding is supposed to shared with those close to you, and if you're father is close to your heart as you describe, it's a great way for you two to begin and start over! He's starting a new life just as much as you are :)

Congratulations, I hope you have a beautiful wedding!

Answer 5

What's a few months, really? If having your dad there will make it more special for you, then that's what you need to do.

We pushed our wedding back seven months so that some people we really cared about would be able to make it (military). No regrets. What's the point of a wedding celebration without your nearest and dearest?

ETA: Blunt makes a point I didn't consider. If the circumstances about your father have been kept hush hush over the past 12 years, then your wedding would not be best place to start the questions. Or, if your father ended up in prison because of hurtful things he did to other people in attendance at the wedding, postponing might do more harm than good.

I'd assumed, based on your open and frank way of discussing this, that everyone around you is aware that your father is in prison. If this is true, then follow my original advice. However, if it will be surprise to people that you even have a father, follow Blunt's advice.

Answer 6

I think it's very dear that you want your dad to be involved in your wedding. Inmates have enough time integrating back into society so this can be more meaningful than you ever thought it could.

Since you say your dad has always meant a lot to you despite your past, then by all means, postpone the ceremony until after his release. Indeed, I would regret NOT postponing the wedding. Here's one of the FEW things he CAN participate in - remember he's missed out on all the other things in your life - which hurts him probably more than he's willing to admit. So yes, have a happy wedding with him in it. You'll be glad you waited.

Now then, depending on his offense, there may be some issues you will have to clear with his probation officer ahead of time. Things like travel permissions, curfews, etc. I don't know them all, but make sure his PO is involved with your plans so Dad doesn't get violated. That's VERY important.

Yes, by all means postpone the wedding until your Dad is released - and welcome him back into your life with this supreme gift. Participating in his daughter's wedding.

Answer 7

The concept of having someone walk you down the aisle is to express that they have been the primary adult in your life, and that they are now giving this honor and responsibility to someone else. IMO (since you've asked), it's not appropriate for your dad to be giving you away, as he has not been the primary adult in your life. If it were me, I most definitely would not adjust the date of my most important day just to accommodate someone who hasn't been there for me for the past twelve years. BTW, if your mom has been there for you the entire time, this is probably a slap in the face for her. You might consider having your mom walk you down the aisle, but reserve a special dance for your dad.

You say that he's important to you, and this is your wedding, so obviously, you're the one who will ultimately have to make this decision. It doesn't sound like an easy one. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you find a solution that can work for everyone.

P.S.
I think Blunt has a good point...Your wedding day is not the time to be resolving family issues. If you do choose to have your dad walk you down the aisle, you should try to allow enough time between his release and the wedding, so that old wounds with the family can be healed beforehand.

Answer 8

First of all, this is you and your fiance's day...if you want to do this, you shouldn't question it for a moment!!
If you have a good relationship with your father, there is no reason why he shouldn't walk you down the aisle. As far as postponing it for a few months...marriage is a LIFETIME commitment. If you love each other enough to do that, you could postpone it for years!! Waiting a few more months to include your Dad will make your day even more special, and you won't wonder for years what it would have been like had you waited.

Best of luck to you, and congratulations!

Answer 9

I'm not entirely sure which reason you are doing this for...love or guilt. If it's love then by all means go for it. It it's guilt then no, you'd only resent it eventually. I understand sentimentality but I'm not sure if another man also helped raise you or was there for you, who might be offended or even hurt that you asked your dad instead of him. It that's the case then you might consider two men giving you away. I've see it done and it's pretty too.

I would seriously think on this question outside of the ask forum and ask the people who are involved with you and your wedding about opinions. Be prepared for some heated debates on the subject. I know it's your day to shine, I'd just hate for your special day to be ruined because of people who might come in with hard feelings and resentments. Get it all out in the open before then. Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 10

I would say postpone if you really want him there, and that you wont regret it.....but...unless you had a good relationship with him while he was in jail why have him walk you down the aisle? why not have whoever riased you walk you down the aisle? That may be more fitting and I am sure he'd understand and just be happy tp be there. On the other hand...talk to him (if you can) and see how he feels about this...this may be something he's looking foward to and may be his only bright light at the end of a long dark tunnel.