Have wedding reception traditions become tacky?

Question

Hello All,

So, have many of the wedding reception traditions become tacky? For example:

What do you think about the "Cake Smash" that some brides and grooms now seem to think is funny? Is this funny, or offensive?

How about the groom's removal of the garter from the bride's leg? Is this funny, or embarrassing? Then, sometimes, the flower toss winner and the garter toss winner are supposed to get together and the garter toss winner puts the garter on the bouquet toss winner's leg....is this just putting people on the spot?

What about the Dollar Dance? The majority of people on Answers think this is tacky, but it seems to happen at most weddings. Why does this continue?

Do you really recommend "raffling" off and giving away the centerpieces? Do your guests really want to take the centerpieces home??

Lots of questions, I know...but I'm trying to determine which "traditions" to eliminate....

Answer 1

The Money Dance, I think mostly depends on where you are and the people you are inviting. Our guests wanted us to do one! We had forgotten about it and weren't really that concerned, but since we had been approached many times by many guests, we went ahead and did it! Again, I think it depends on where you are!
The garter and bouquet toss! I have been to more and more weddings that have left this out completely, as did I! I just really didn't care to do it! But it all depends on where you are again! Some regions are big on traditions, others not so much!
As far as the other things you listed, I'm not really big on any of them! But, if the bride and groom want it, I'm not going to sit and say no don't do it! I mean it is an event centered around them and how they want things!
However, I will say that I wouldn't be too keen on letting a stranger put a garter on me just because he caught it in the toss! I do find that a little not so comforting!
And as I said before, the others I've never heard of, so I'm not really sure! Maybe it is a tradition that is common in your area, but not mine! Overall, it's up to you to decide what traditions you want to include or not! People on here aren't in the same circle as you, so it needs to fit you and your circle!
Good luck and congrats!

Answer 2

I absolutely HATE the cake smashing thing...talk about aggressive behavior. I don't think it's cute or funny in the least. I photograph weddings, however, so I see it from time to time.

The garter thing can be cute, or it can go too far. I have seen a drunk groom bury his head under the bride's gown for a loooong time, it was really inappropriate for public display, especially since there were children attending. I have not seen the garter winner put it on the bouquet catcher's leg. Some people would take that in stride, and some would be horribly embarrassed. I would never orchestrate that as photographer, and I've never had a bride say to do that. I hope that's not a coming trend :-(. I do take the bouquet catcher's picture with the bride, and try to grab the garter guy's picture with his prize.

Dollar dance? Tacky, in my opinion. Doesn't happen too often in my market. (NC rural area)

Some centerpieces are really nice...I have seen some I would love to bring home! So, not tacky, my vote,

In the end, just do what feels right to make your day special. My daughter hated the garter throw, so she didn't do it, but she did toss the bouquet. Some crowds are really into that sort of thing, and some times you have to muster enough people to take part.

Good luck in your upcoming wedding!

Answer 3

I don't know if I consider some of the traditions tacky, but I personally don't care for any of the ones that you mentioned and will not be having them in my wedding.

Cake smash - I find the people who do the cake smash rather juvenile. I think that it should be a cute and tender moment when feeding one another the first bite of cake which symbolizes a sweet life together.

Garter Removal/toss - I have only seen one groom remove the garter with his teeth and I felt that it was inappropriate. The garter removal in general is fine if the groom doesn't make it overly sexual. I will not be doing the garter or bouquet toss at my wedding because I have never enjoyed being singled out as a single gal and I don't plan doing it to any of the guests at my wedding. I have never seen a toss where anybody really wanted to catch the garter or bouquet. It usually sort of falls into somebody's hands or on the floor where the closest person picks it up. I definitely think that having the garter catcher putting it on the bouquet catcher's leg is putting people on the spot and might be very embarrassing for some individuals.

Dollar Dance - This is very common in the south and I think that it is just fine if it is culturally appropriate for you. My family would have no problems with this, but we're not having a dance at our reception.

I've never heard of raffling off the centerpieces. They are often given as gifts of "thank you" for people that have helped out a lot.

Answer 4

I don't know how or why the 'cake smash' got started, but it horrifies me every time I see it. The actual tradition is that the bride and groom feed one another a symbolic bite of cake to represent the way they intend to take care of one another in their married life. Smashing frosting all over each other's faces really isn't a good way to show loving support.

As for the removal of the garter, it can be perfectly respectable or it can be a ghastly embarrassment depending entirely on how it's handled. If the groom sticks his head up the bride's skirt, striptease music is played, or the garter is placed at the top of the thigh, then it's tasteless. If it's just above or just below the bride's knee and simply slipped off, then it's fine.

Expecting the man who catches the garter and the woman who catches to the bouquet to do more than pose in one photograph together is tacky. A quick photo with prizes, though, is fine. If it's posed with him placing the garter on her leg, he can be just slipping it on at ankle height. On the other hand, sometimes one or the other has a date that will take this sort of photo badly. Proceed with caution.

The dollar dance is only marginally acceptable if your ethnic background is from certain areas of Eastern Europe, such as Poland or Hungary. If neither family has a background from these places, please don't do it. Contact with the bride and groom can be accomplished in a much more dignified way by having a receiving line and/or having the bride and groom circulate the room.

I've never been to a wedding where the centerpieces were raffled off. Please tell me this isn't something guests buy tickets for! Centerpieces may be offered to particular honored guests, or one may simply spread the word around that guests are welcome to help themselves at the end of the party. Some people would probably like to take the flowers, and if they do, well, that's a little less left to clean up.

Answer 5

I agree the cake smash is stupid and we didn't do it at our wedding.

The garter toss I think is just traditional fun and I don't have a big problem with it. We didn't make a big deal of it though, with a band and an MC and a lot of hamming it up. We didn't do the second part though - we just took a picture of the garter toss person and the flower toss person together and left it at that. I agree the second part is silly.

Dollar dance is fine I think - people can participate or not. And I recommend keeping it reasonably short - some I have seen have gone on for what seemed like hours. It does give everybody a chance to dance with the bride and groom. We actually didn't do it because we had an outside reception that was not set up well for dancing.

Raffling off centerpieces is stupid. Nobody wants that stuff. It's tacky at a wedding. You do it at fundraisers, not weddings. I've never seen it done.

Bottom line, it's your wedding and you can do what you want. Once couple I know did a picnic complete with a barbeque (they catered that) croquet, badminton, water pistols, sack races, frisbees and other games. Best reception I ever went to.

EDIT

The other comments on the dollar dance are interesting. I'm west coast and does seem to be common tradition here and no one seems offended by it - it seems just a way to get to dance with the bride and groom. Some people do seem to miss it if you don't do it. So maybe its regional.

Answer 6

I say think twice about any traditions that involve people other than the bride and groom.

Cake smash? Garter removal for tossing purposes? If y'all want to do it, then do it. They are traditions, so even folks who might not appreciate that sort of behaviour at other times will know to just sit back and let it happen here.

Making the bouquet and garter catchers "hook up"? Dollar dance? No. These both put people on the spot, really, and I've never been fond of such a blatant plea for money.

Hadn't heard of "raffling off" the centerpieces. We didn't have centerpieces at my reception, really, and at my friends' weddings, the centerpieces were usually offered to anyone who had helped with the wedding or reception (and then offered around if there were any remaining).

Answer 7

Maybe it's my age (32), but we're not doing most typical wedding traditions.

Cake smash - No way! We both agree if we're looking that good we're not going to ruin it with a food fight.

Garter toss - I find offensive and not appropriate for our religious family members.

Bouquet toss - I've never liked them when I was a guest at a wedding so I don't want to subject my guests to it. Also, we don't have a lot of single people coming so it would seem silly to do for just 5 girls.

Dollar dance - this is a cultural tradition that's not a part of our culture so we're not doing it. It would offend our families.

I've never heard of raffling off centerpieces before. Since I want to resale the vases on craigslist, I probably won't raffle them. And you're right, people wouldn't want them anyway...they barely take the favors home.

So basically the only thing we're doing is the cake cutting, first dance, toasts....and that's about all. We want to attend our cocktail reception so no big entrance and we're having sparklers instead of throwing stuff or blowing bubbles.

Answer 8

Depends on the type of wedding you are having. Is it a large wedding? What do you plan on serving? What attire are you/groom and your bridal party wearing? If you are having a more formal wedding, I would suggest having a more formal venue. But, if you are having a more casual wedding, then I guess it's OK. Do what works for you. Personally, I won't have my reception there. I like more of a traditional feel for my wedding and I'd like to have a site where there is room to walk around and such. I don't want my wedding guests to take a step outside for some air and walk into a shopping plaza bustling with people. I'd rather then walk out and over look a lake or a golf course. But, that's just my opinion. Also, does this cafe offer privacy. People are so nosy. Make sure the other shoppers in the plaza aren't stopping and staring into your reception, like you are some sort of parade or something.

Answer 9

It seems a lot of traditions have just gone out of style.

I have already warned my fiance that I do not wish to have cake smashed in my face. I dont know why, I would just prefer to not have frosting all over my face. *Shrug*

We'll do the garter and bouquet toss but we wont make the catchers dance together or put the garter on her leg or any of that, unless they want to. Who am I to stop them?

I have actually never been to a wedding where the had the Dollar Dace or a Dollar Tree. But from all descriptions I've heard, I would be pretty put off is I was expected to participate in something like that.

I'll probably just let people take home a centerpiece if they want to, or somehow incorporate my centerpieces and my favors together. I've never heard of raffeling them off.

I dont know, My wedding is going to be fairly untraditional anyways. I'll be curious to see what other people have to say.

Answer 10

a lot of it depends on the couple and their personalities. the cake smash is kinda funny for some people, but i told my fiance that if he even thought about smashing cake in my face, then i'd smash my fist into his. with the whole garter situation, i don't have a problem with it, as long as he doesn't try to take it off with his teeth, not because i'd be embarassed, but that's not really something i want our grandparents to witness. with the weddings i've attended, the guy that catches the garter usually wears it on his arm, and he shares a dance with the bouquet toss winner, nothing too embarassing. i've never attended a wedding with a dollar dance, but one wedding had the father of the bride carry around the bride's shoes, and asks guests to fill the shoes with money, apparently that's an old custom of their heritage or something. i've also seen a couple money trees, just set up on the reception gift table, nobody made any announcements about them or anything, it was just there in case you wanted to contribute to it, but it wasn't expected. i won't be having one in my wedding, because my fiance's extended family are all well-off educated people, and i don't want them to think that we're tacky and cheap. i've never heard of raffling centerpieces, i just thought i'd give mine to family and friends that helped us out with the wedding as an extra thank you.