Is it good to be friends with an ex boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend and I just broke up days ago and it was basically a mutual split. I love him and to some degree I am still in love with him but a meaningful relationship between the two of us right now is just not possible. He keeps saying we're going to be great friends, best friends, etc. That's great and everything but I still have feelings for him. I'm thinking about staying away from him in the next days and weeks so I have a better chance of getting over him, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea or not. Based on what I feel, should I accept his friendship proposal or should I cancel the whole thing altogether to protect myself. Your help and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

thanks everyone for answering my question and giving me your own experiences. some of them brought tears to my eyes because I knew all along what I had to do, which is to create space between the two of us. I know this will be hard, VERY HARD, but I know this is the only way. He was my first true love and I hope later in our lives we can be there for each other as true friends. But I know now is just not the right time. Thanks everyone.......boo kitty.

Answer 1

The post-breakup friendship only works if both of you are 100% checked out of the romance. And it seems like that almost never happens. Inevitably, it becomes clear that one of the parties (the one who wasn't checked out) was using "friendship" as a means of keeping the door open / keeping hope alive. I'd say, at least for the next few months, make a clean break, then see where you stand. (Since you say that you still have feelings for him, yeah, definitely give yourself some time and distance away from him). I think a good litmus test for whether you are both "just friends" would be, could you go on a double date with no hard feelings? Would you be genuinely happy for him if he was in love with someone else, and would he be happy for you in the same sitch? If you are meant to be platonic friends -- and I really truly hope you are -- then you will find each other again, and you'll pick up where you left off (sans romance) and it will feel like you've always been friends. Good luck!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

That is a hard situation your in. I have been there before. So I suggest whatever you feel. Only you know the answer. It will be hard to be just his friend. You might want to spend some time away from him and then after your partially over him, build a friendship. It is better to have him in your life than not at all right. Since you love him I would think that would be the best. Maybe you two need time to yourselves. ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER. This happened to me and my husband. We got separated for a long while. I then realized I couldn't live without him and I had made a BIG mistake. I slowly started talking to him just as friends. Start slow by emailing, texting, then start talking to him on the phone. You can love your friends!! See this as a way of starting new. If you two love each other there is no doubt in my mind why you two shouldn't be together. Good Luck!!!!!!!

Answer 4

This is always really hard. If you were in a relationship - and ever loved your ex - than you will always love him in a way. So, the idea of trying to go through a break up while he's still active in your life is very difficult. Some people can do it - but from experience, the only way to stay friends with an ex, is to give yourself enough time completely apart to heal fully. Once you are healed and you can honestly say that there is no more love for him, then you could be friends. Any other way - and it just ends up hurting you longer - or gets confusing. Use your brain on this one - instead of your heart - as hard as that seems to be sometimes.

Good luck!

Answer 5

It is essential to create as much emotional and physical space between you and your former boyfriend as possible. This allows your heart to feel the vacuum made by the loss of your boyfriend, and even though it will hurt, it is this vacuum that will create the opening for new love to find a home inside you.

Let him go. Say good-bye, and then spend some time alone in true mourning for the dreams you didn't fulfill together. Then, when you feel ready to be 100 percent present, perhaps at some point in the future (not next month!!), you will be able to invite your former boyfriend back into your life as a friend.

Answer 6

wow, kinda in the same predicament. first my suggestions...i would say stay! if you and him are as tight as me and my x were your his personal ss (support staff) and he is yous. together or not you ll need each other for something or another, to talk, to vent, to complain or for an ear. its important that you stick around because this might just be a temporary split and some times you have to take a step back and let life be life. its also important to be honest and always be upfront with feelings...if you find a new interest let him know, if you miss him let him know, if you just need a hug let him know....and visa versa.

now in my situation i just let it go...i do hear sometimes that lovers cant be friends but neither can liars and people who just cant get it right. i figure if you send years of your life together in a relationship and it doesn't work out why throw it away...friendship is the next best thing. good luck

Answer 7

In a general sense, I would recommend not doing it now. Sometime down the road when the wounds heal possibly. However you both need to spend some time apart to go through the emotions that happen when a break up occurs. When time has passed ( and it will take time) you need to ask yourself why you would want to consider having a friendship with this person. Weigh the pros and cons real carefully. Is it for friendship or to go backwards? Regardless on the reasons for why the breakup occurred, you need to heal and become a stronger person. Believe me, you become wiser and stronger.

Answer 8

Hi there. I'm sorry about your breakup. It sounds like he's trying to placate/patronize you. I firmly believe that exes can be great friends (I married my ex's best friend and we're all great friends now). But you're going to have to give it lots and lots of time. You can try to be friends now, but feelings might get hurt if one of you becomes interested in someone else. If I were you, I'd wait till I didn't care, then I'd spark a friendship. It can really be worth it. Too soon and you might risk ruining it all. I would just stay away for a while, a long while. It's better for your heart.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I had that same exact issue hunnie, but i think you should give ur self some time to heal after a realationship like that, i mean u can stil be friends in future but right now, ur still a little broken over it, give urself time b4 pursuing the friendship, i'm shure u guiz will be great friends later on if both of u r still willing

Answer 10

first of all,im going through the exact same thing,and kind of wondering the exact same thing. im a guy however and the girl offered me the friendship(we dated for a year).idk if shes giving me another chance bc she said quote "im not saying i am but im not saying im not,i want to be friends". did he say sumthing like this to you?if so were in the same boat. i have thought about just telling her to f off and forget even being friends,but i love her and want another chance. in your case,if you say you love him then be his friend,maybe thats just what he needs right now is a good friend. people get confused sometimes,if you remain a good friend instead of blowing him off and never talking to him again,when the times right,he might just see you in a different light if you know what i mean. just be friends,let him know how much you care,but try not to pressure him at all. see if you guys can go out on "friend" dates, and see where tht leads. hope this helps!