Should I move on?? Or should I stick it out? HELP?

Question

So on Tuesday this guy I like was supposed to come visit me.
We live about an hour apart, and he had a meeting in my neighborhood.

Well starting on Saturday is when he said he was gonna come see me. At 4pm which is when I get off work.
Sunday he had to work til 8pm and it was his moms birthday. He called me at 9pm…I was out at the movies and didn’t get out til midnight, so I never got to return his call.
Then all day Monday I tried to get ahold of him…he ignored my texts and phone calls. Then called me at like 8pm. I was hanging with some friends…so he said call me when you are not busy. I didn’t care about being on the phone, I rather talk to him then hang with some of my friends. So when I called him later he didn’t answer nor did he return my phone call. But he said he was still coming to see me Tuesday before we hung up. Then Tuesday came…I didn’t hear from him. It was like 4:30 when I told him he needs to get a hold of me or I am going to move on.

He called…we talked for an hour and a half. He explained to me that he has his car in the shop and he had to carpool to his meeting. His meeting was 10am to 2pm. He also said his life sucks right now, and he doesn’t know what to do. I couldn’t help but stop being mad. He also told me that being a manager where he works, is as far as the company will allow him to go. He wants to keep moving up, he wants to work for a better position, and he cant do that at his current job. He is afraid to work somewhere else because it might not be as good as his current manager position. And he is paying for an $800.00 apartment on his own now, and trying to get his car fixed. He told me, he would understand if I hated him. Then he asked me what would I do if he died today. I didn’t even answer that. My ex boyfriend asked me that ALL the time, and I thought it was sick and creepy to wanna hear that question more then once.

I asked him why he isn’t turning to his friends for support, and he said I don’t want to trouble anyone with my problems. I told him it wouldn’t trouble me, I said it troubles me to hear you say you really like me then totally ignore me because you are scared and shy.
Well this guy also said he wishes me and him could just go off get married, and start our lives out in California. He said I should just work with him on things…but he never said he would do the same for me..well I never asked.
So he cant come see me because his car, and he has a lot goin on right now. I told him that I have the same problems too just different circumstances. He said he its hard to smile, and have a good time and forget about all his problems for a lil while cuz he thinks its irresponsible. But I make him smile, and laugh… I really am feeling this guy. It feels like all this is just bad timing.
He has not come seen me yet over the past month. I have been the one going down to see him.

I have family where he lives, but he doenst have any up here so he never wants to drive especially now that his car is in the shop.
I really cant stop thinking about him, its hard for me to work. Should I go see him tonight and TALK????
So….Should I move on?? Or should I stick it out?

Answer 1

Hmmm. That's a really hard one. Based on what you said - I would agree with you...it just all sounds like bad timing.
I think you really like this guy, so give him another chance. Gas is farily high right now, so if you don't think you should go see him, then don't. If you have any reservations, listen to your gut! But that's not to say that you should just cut him off altogether. You can still keep the lines of communication open and once he has his car up and running, see what develops.
Good luck! :-)

Answer 2

Didn't we talk about this sort of thing before? Hmmm?

Ummm, we all have weaknesses. Don't let him see yours and use it to spin his web of passive agressive b.s. around you. If you see him, don't let him get to you. Sounds like you are a cool girl and have a life. You are young and certainly in no need to have to deal with his kind of behavior and drama and neediness at your age. You're only young once, you know? Read the book, I told you about in my comment to your last question... it's funny and would be a great reference. Seriously.

Answer 3

He's a sociopath. Drop him.

Profile of the Sociopath

This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.


* Glibness and Superficial Charm

* Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

* Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

* Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

* Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

* Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

* Incapacity for Love

* Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

* Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

* Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

* Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

* Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

* Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

* Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

* Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

Answer 4

go see him tonight and talk