Am I a Bad Mom?

Question

I think kids are out of control these days (not all) and I dont want my children being that way, I am pretty strickt but I would like to know from other parents if I am too strickt. When my kids come home from school, they must do homework, then they have outside chores that need to be done, then they come in for showers and have their dinner after dinner they help clean up like bring dishes in sweep and wipe the table off. Then they have some play time wether it be playing bored games or watching alittle TV, then I have them do some excersises (which they enjoy) and after that they both read for about 45 minutes then its bed time. On weekends they have chores and they love to play outside and they are allowed to play video games only on the weekends. I dont want to raise spoiled disrespectful children, I want to raise good hard working reepectful young men and Im wondering if what Im doing is right or If Im being to hard?

My boys are 12 and 7 and are very good kids and very happy kids and do well in school both of them. They also enjoy going to church on Sundays which was there choice so Im not going to deny them of that.

Some people asked where dad is, Dad is not in the picture he is an abusive alcohalic who cant stay out of jail so I left him years ago when my youngest was like 6 months old. They have a step dad whom Ive been with for 4 years who owns his own landscaping business and my kids just think he is great and they love learning about his equipment, trucks, and ya know all that boy stuff he has made such a great impact on them and they really look up to him Im very thankful. As far as playtime yes they get play time everyday. As far as the excersising as some mentioned my kids love to excersise my 12 year old wants big mucsels (lol) and little brother wants bigger muscels then him so they compete and make a game out of it, Yes they do have friends also we moved so I dont know alot of kids in the area yet but once schools starts in AUG Im sure they will have a new group of friends plus they have 2 step sisters and 1 step brother and they all get along great.

I let my kids be kids they will be visiting there Grandmother in Georgia for 3 weeks this summer and they look foward to that every year. I also get out with my kids we shop we go out to eat, we had a family trip last summer to Universal Studios, summer before Wet n Wild and this year before Gergia will be heading to Busch Gardens so these kids defenitly earn some good things.

Answer 1

I didn't read any answers before I answered so forgive me if I mimic any one's answer.

My answer is this:
I do not think this is too much to ask of children. My son is treated pretty much the same way. I expect and get high grades from my son. His report card [he got it yesterday] was all A's except one B. I thought that was damn good.
My son doesn't have as many chores as yours do. Not during the school year anyway. Over summer he does help out more. He has a list of chores he must do.
During the school year he's only allowed to play video games on the weekend too.
All year long he's only allowed on the computer three times a week. He has a very strict routine to go through at bed time. He MUST read for 20 minutes. Then he can either color, draw, write or do word puzzles for 40 minutes. Or he can go to bed if he wants.
During the summer we walk five miles each morning. Five days a week. Before anyone says anything I checked with his doctor and she said it's GREAT! Most parents aren't so concerned with such things. She was happy to hear that he got so much exercise. Plus it's great for us because we get to talk about things on his mind. Sometimes we play word games while walking. Like making sentences with all Z's. It's fun.
I don't want to raise a disrespectful child either and I don't allow him to be. He has all outstanding marks on his report card for behaviour. When we go out to eat or to the store people constantly remark on how he is so well behaved. Waiters always tells us how nice it is to see a child behave like he does instead of always screaming.

I think you're doing fine. Plus you are showing them that working is important. I think that's good too. That way you won't have them at home when they are in their 20's or over. They will be able to take care of themselves.

Keep doing what works best for you and the boys. I think you're doing fine. Most of the people who say you're too hard are the same ones who wonder whats wrong with today's kids. They don't get that you must be tough. You can be tough and loving at the same time.

My son has time to be a kid too. We go to the water park all the time. He has plenty of toys and stuff. It's possible to make kids work and still have time to play. As long as you are loving towards your children I think you are doing a fine job.

Answer 2

Even though I don't have any children of my own, it sounds like you are an excellent parent, and it also sounds like you have two very level-headed children in today's spoiled rotten society. I also like how you give your children the freedom to choose whether or not to go to church every Sunday, and I'm glad they chose to and that they enjoy it.

One thing that you didn't mention along with playtime is whether they had any friends or not (I would assume they do). But if they don't have many, it would do great for them if during their play time they were allowed to socialize with other children their age. Kids can be mean and cruel, but if they learn to deal with social confrontation (especially at a young age) and acceptance, they will know how to stand up for themselves and that will get them very far in their adult lives.

Keep up what you're doing though, you are doing an excellent job.

EDIT:
There was no mention of there being a Dad around for all of this. Is there a story behind that? Dad also needs time with the children to play catch, or ride bikes with in their free time. It's just an opinion, but I think he needs more involvement so the children can become men, and no child can do that without a Dad.

Answer 3

I would have to agree with you that there are too many children out of control these days. My children do things similar. School work is always priority and we do it immediately after they get home. However I do allow some free time to play outside after that and before dinner. I call them in to wash up and help with setting the table. Afterwards they help clean up. We do our baths then read or occasionally watch a little tv or play a game together as a family (quiet time) then it's off to bed. We try to do all our chores on weekends early that way they have plenty of time outside to play. I can see a huge difference in what I do with my kids compared to others in the neighborhood. Mine are more responsible, love to help out and for the most part don't give me problems. So to answer your question I think your doing a good job with your kids. The only difference is I allow mine free downtime during the week usually an hour before dinner. This gives them time to be a kid and expell engery outside riding a bike or playing with friends.

Answer 4

I think you think you are doing what's best for your children by having them on a schedule. I see nothing wrong w/ the homework having to be done and chores. Why must they exercise so much? It's good that you have them reading too. I don't want to say what your doing is wrong, b/c if it works for you and the boys then great. If the kids think it's a bit much, well sit down w/ them and let them explain why? I'm sure your a great mom. Sometimes you can be the best parent in the world and your child for reason will turn out bad. It happens. Just keep giving your children love and listen to them when the want to talk.

Answer 5

I like a lot of what you are saying especially the part where you say that you have happy and respectful kids. I have a couple of questions for you. Where is Dad in all of this. Is he around? You need to make sure that your boys learn how to be a man. That includes how to treat a woman.
You need to make sure that they see men that are strong, without being unyeilding, powerful without being unappoachable, and most of all loving, caring, and supportive of you and of them.
As they get older allow them more opportunities to make their own choices on how their time is spent. Respecting their wants and needs is part of teaching them to respect others.
You are creating the right habbits, and hopefully leading by example, while they are young. Then you are going to need to let them try the waters on their own. They will make a few mistakes and certainly start to challenge authority a little when they hit middle and high school but if you have taught them well they will come back.
Make sure you keep the lines of communitcation open and you will be just fine.
Keep up the good work.

Answer 6

I think you've got a good balance of teaching them to be contributors to the household, committed to their school work and having play time. I too have daily chores for my children which include cleaning the toilet and bathroom. They never complain about having to clean the toilet now - which is always the most dirty job in a house with lots of males! They also take out the trash, the eldest mows the lawns, they do dishes, clear the tables etc.

When you have a healthy balance kids learn to respect the work others do in the house too. They will be hard working and respectful young men because that is the way you are raising them to be. It's so important to let them have that play time as well, because they are still children.

As they get older they may need to lessen their chores as their work load at school increases, but I sense you will have that all sorted out too.

Good job!

Answer 7

I think you sound like a very caring mother, but I do agree that by the time they're teenagers, they will rebel. I think you're slightly too strict. They should have more free time, and you should encourage them to do things like exercise and reading, but it shouldn't be forced upon them. If they feel like they're doing it of their own free will, they will enjoy and appreciate it more. And I don't think strict time limits, like 45 minutes, will help either, although I think that encouraging a routine is very, very good. Has only being allowed to play outside on weekends not had an impact on their friendships? If it hasn't now, I think it will soon, especially for your 12-year-old.

Even if you are that little bit too strict, you're doing a much better job than a lot of parents I know.

Answer 8

I say lighten up a little bit on the chores. You don't want to work them to death. Maybe for some family time go out to eat at a restaurant, go bowling,to the movies,mall, or any other kind of "family time" you should enjoy it and I'm sure the kids will to. It's good that their reading for 45 mins. Keep that up =]. Their still kids let them hang out at friends houses or let them play outside with water guns. If you discipline them right they won't be spoiled. Spoiled is like buying them anything they want any where any time. But your their mother and your going to raise them the way you want with our advise or your own right? Well best of luck to ya! =] {(have fun with the kids feed them healthy food and have like 30 minutes to an hour to go outside and play [exercise] = )}

Answer 9

It seems as though you are strict, but at what cost? Your children will be respectful of their possessions and other people. The problem is we are in this society where we feel that our children are here to be spoiled rotten. When they become adults, we wonder why they can't stay in school, or keep a job, or have decent relationships. KUDOS to you for making your children understand that hard work is it's own reward. They are allowed time for themselves after their chores and homework. That is all they need. When they are adults, you will be proud that you did not raise a group of slackers!

Answer 10

Oh my god if only more parents did what you do that would make the future of our world a better place instead of the **** hole it is and has been turning into.The only problem is most of both parents are being forced to work outside the home.They cant help it.Either they do or end up on the street with there kids or living in those bad apartment complexes(we have one that is so bad it is called cooter court) so you are doing great.Do you work outside the home?I have a feeling you do not because I know when I did I just did not have anything left in me for my family when I got home after a stressful work day.But I do have two wonderful boys.One is 21 and the other is 14.They are lazy for sure but they dont hang around with bad children.I never allowed it and they never even wanted to.So I guess I cant complain I just dont like the fact that I have to keep on them just to get them to pick up there socks.