What's an appropriate punishment for 4 year old?

Question

Ugh. I've got a 4 year old boy that just won't listen (Doesn't everyone?). He talks back, throws things, etc. Now he's added hitting. It has to stop now. nothing seems to work. We've tried time-outs. We take away his favorite toys for days at a time. Taking away TV doesn't phase him (maybe that's a good thing). I've looked at all the other answers to this question out there but, I'm looking for something unique. We've never hit him. I'm not sure it's come to that. Not that we're opposed to it. We always agreed that we would hit him in an instant for a safety issue. Like if he was running into the street or something. Thankfully, that's never happened. I'm not sure if we should lower our standard for the current behaivor. Also, what does hitting someone for hitting teach?

He currently takes karate. They teach him to never hit. We use telling his instructor as a threat. If he hits someone, they won't let him go to karate any more. He doesn't even WANT to go any more

One other thing. He now has a 1 year old younger brother. This behavior has just started recently.

When we DO put him in time-out, he does stay there. HE doesn't get up so, he's not Nannny 911 bad .... and yes, i do watch that for clues.

I've got to agree with TIME OUTS DON'T WORK. They used to, but not so much any more.

Another thing .... he's never hit me. Just my wife.

I wish you could reply to individual posts ... anyway, my son has only hit my wife but, she is with him more. All day. Their personalities are exactly alike so, I'm not too suprised they clash more. I belive she lets him get away with more than I do but, not that much. When she says "No" she rarely gives in.

Answer 1

Spare the rod, spoil the child...there is a difference between a good old fashioned spanking and abuse, children need to know the fear of consequence.

Answer 2

My son is very similar and we have consistently been putting him in time out and if he doesn't stay or yells back I take toys away. Sometimes a time out can be an ordeal that takes up to 20 minutes and I end up taking away about 6 toys, but hey it's starting to work.

Lots of people say time out doesn't work, but if you are consistent about it and don't give up it works, it is actually really hard to make a child sit in time out EVERY time they do something wrong, it's quite draining but you gotta do it, it really works.

ps don't hit, it's violence to solve aproblem and also you are putting him in karate and karate teaches discipline and to not use violence for no reason so you would be undermining that message.

EDIT btw before he burns the bridges with that karate place by getting kicked out, take him out temporarily and work on his behavior with the time outs. This way you can return him in a few weeks or a month or so and he can continue. I did that at my son's daycare because he was pinching, hitting and biting.

Answer 3

First of all, hitting and spanking are not the same thing. And you have to tell him that what he's doing is unacceptable. If you are calm and explain the boundaries, and then clearly lay out what the punishment will be for breaking the rules, you have to follow through EVERY time. The good news is that after a few times of testing you, he will begin to realize that the same thing happens every time he disobeys and he will calm down. Kids are so much happier when there are clear boundaries and punishments. Spanking is 'hitting' when you are yelling and angry and save it as the last resort. Children were raised being spanked for years and years and they were well-adjusted, well-mannered and respectful. You only have a short amount of time to get him under control. Most children's personalities are mostly formed by this age. Good luck- be consistent!~
And time-out DOES NOT work. People who tell you to do that have never tried it with their own children.

Answer 4

well your best type of pushiment would to be to stick to one and one pushiment only like we try the three step methond the first time we give him a warning and tell they what they done wrong and why they can't do it and i simply tell them that if they do it again they will have to be put in the time out chair or time out spot and this spot can be anywhere in the house or could simply be a lil chair for his age and i would use the same spot everytime and then i would sit him in there everytime you the warning didn't help and i would get me a timer and sit it for nomore than his age they say a minute pure age but for everytime that he gets out i would go right back and sit him in it regardless if it takes 30 minutes to and hour then when he does serve his time i would get down on his level and explain to him what he done and why it was wrong and then i would make he say he is sorry to the person that he done it to then after the time out if he contiues to keep doing it over and over again then i would simple start TAKEN THINGS away from him start with little thing like no candy today for what you done or no trip to grandmas house then i would take it up a notice and start taken things away that he likes if this still don't help then a little swift swat on the bottom will not hurt nothing

Answer 5

First, the 4 year old is acting out to get attention because he was the only child and now he has to compete with a 1 year old. I suggest that you get in touch with a Social Worker that specializes in Play Therapy. Play Therapy will give the social worker the information that he or she needs to diagnose the problem and come up with a solution so that there will be peace in your household. On Google, type in Play Therapy and you can learn all about it. Ask your family doctor or pediatrician for names of licensed Play Therapists. I suggest a woman with years of experience to get involved here.

Answer 6

In my opinion I think he has what lot of people call sibling rivelry. You are the dad, if he is hitting his mother you should be the one to correct him and infrom him hitting is very wrong. Futhermore hitting women/ girls is really not acceptable and when he is older he may be incarcerated for it. If talking to him doesn't work mabey he should see a pro. i am a mother of four boys and I had the same problem. Gladly I spoke with my son and told him even though I have other children I loved them all the same.

Answer 7

i think that whatever you do, you need to make sure you are consistent. kids are looking for that 1 time where you let behavior go and they run with it. Besides, they WANT you to set boundaries and enforce them. it's just one of the ways they know that you love them.
with our daughter, we warn her "If you do this, you will get spanked, time out, etc. " If she does it again, she gets the punishment that we said...no warning. We already warned her the 1st time. After the punishement is given, we warn her again. "If you do this again, you will get spanked, time out, etc." It continues like that until she changes behavior. The only other thing I can say is that make sure you cuddle and love on kids after a punishment. They need to know that their behavior was what made you upset, not them. Don't hold it against them. Don't let them run to the other parent for comfort either.... our daughter MUST make up with the parent who gave the punishment before she can get cuddles from the other parent. Other wise kids will use that to turn you against each other. You are a united front in parenting. Good luck!

Answer 8

i find hitting a child to common in most familys and it should be stopped but dont let this child control u take his arm and look him straight in the eye let him now you are the boss and u dont take that from a child when he hits u i dont care how much it hurts do not protect yourself and coward in the corner until he is done take it like a man and he will finally catch on that it is not working and he is being ignored and he will walk away and find something more productive to do. i have a nother method but if you find it to cruel then pls dont follow it but when he gets hit do not comfort him or punish the person or thing that did it instead treat him like he treats you when he hits you i hope this helped you and good luck with your child

Answer 9

Wow, it sounds like you have a little handful! Maybe you should seek professional help. Get to the root of the issue! My daughter was like that, (she's 15 now) I wish I would have got her help sooner. Turns out that she has a disconnect, that tells her when her behavior is appropriate. I'm sure that's not the case with your son, but it would probably be wise to take him to a child physiologist. It could help you to, s you don't get tempted to spank. Good luck!

Answer 10

stand him/her on the wall; if necessary stand behind him & be sure he stands there/not watching tv/etc for 1 minute for every year old he is; it may take a day or so with him on the wall quite a bit & then he will get the message; once there is no emotions involved talk directly to him get on his level & look eye to eye; make sure he fully understands the consequences of his actions; perhaps at night you can go over with him why he was on the wall & the reason; do not be afraid to do this at a store; on the sidewalk etc; soon he will easily connect & correct the problems; good luck!

Answer 11

If you are being consistent, are following up on your threats, and are doing what you state here (and you are right about hitting)... then it is time to take your kid to the pediatrician to discuss it. They may have a problem. A normal child at that age would shape up really fast if you took away their privileges or consistently gave them time outs. Better safe than sorry. Get him evaluated. Good luck!