I have been in a relationship for about 1 year; we are engaged to be married next year. The problem is that my soon-to-be mother-in-law and the ex-girlfriend keep trying to interfere. Now the two of them are having lunch together, talking about me, and telling my fiance that the way I treat her is bordering on "domestic violence"! (Which is completely ridiculous.) Aside from tension and arguments over the two of them, my fiance and I get along fabulously. I don't know what to do. Should I confront them or should I just let it go?
2007-06-13 02:38:02 · 8 answers · asked by tmel123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's not my ex having lunch with the mother-in-law; it's my fiancee's ex !
2007-06-13 02:52:58 · update #1
Confronting them will only give them more ammo against you. I say kill them with kindness. Don't be a doormat, but don't create an argument either. I wouldn't argue about them with your fiance either. He has no more control over the situation than you do. He could talk to them, but that doesn't mean they will listen. You and your fiancee have to be a united front, not divided. If you are fighting about them, then they are winning, because they are causing tension between you and your fiance. Ignore them.
2007-06-13 02:44:20 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there really is no easy way here. Considering you will go crazy (and that will affect your relationship with your fiance') if you don't say something, then one would think you should confront the mother and ex....in a tactful, respectful way of course. Shows you're the bigger woman. However, it won't do much good b/c they will continue their attack to your character and this act of confrontation will only make it worse. Having this experience, even if you sit down with the fiance, mother-in-law and the ex and have an adult discussion you will still lose this battle. Your man no doubt will stick up for you during this meeting but please believe he will not get suckered into too many of these meetings which means if the outcome isn't good the first time (which it won't) then he's going to say let it go and don't worry about them. Of course you won't be able to do that and then although you have every right to, he'll start to see you as a nag and will somehow unknown to him, start agreeing with the mother and the ex. It's a lose-lose situation here, so my suggestion would be to see how long you can keep your sanity by NOT saying anything to him or them about this little scenario. It will be hard at first but it gets easier with time--trust me I am living proof. And if he suggests family time with the mom go for it and then slowly ease yourself from these family events. He'll get the picture soon enough and will respect your wishes to stay away. Good luck with this one! Mother-in-laws and exes are always a hard issue with upcoming nuptials!
2007-06-13 02:52:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to confront the ex, and your fiancee needs to confront the mother in law. A very firm line needs to be drawn, as in "You MAY NOT interfere with our relationship this way, and if you do, there will be consequences", and those consequences need to be spelled out as well.
You need to also understand that these women are most likely not going to stop trying to undermine things, so make sure your fiancee is firmly on your side regarding this. You don't want to get into a marriage where your wife will stand up for her mother when this sort of thing happens.
2007-06-13 02:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by *huge sigh* 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If your two options are "confront them or let it go", I'd say confront! Do you want to spend the rest of your life defending your relationship to those who's business it is not? Why on earth does your ex-girlfriend have anything to do with you now? Especially since you are to be married... Get them out of your business right now or it'll be forever.
2007-06-13 02:46:11 · answer #4 · answered by Kellie F 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why in the world would your ex be having lunch with your Fiancee's Mother????? Your Fiancee' needs to jack her mother up and you need to settle any differences with your ex. Next you need to sit down with your Mother-in-Law to be and explain what an evil ***** your ex is. Its best to start off on the right oot with this woman.
2007-06-13 02:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let your fiance make a decision .. if she takes their facet over yours then she is the flawed lady for you and you have got had a fortunate break out. Any aggression in your facet closer to the ex or the m-i-l will best play into their fingers so avert it in any respect bills.
2016-09-05 15:14:55 · answer #6 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you care for this man that you intend to marry, I would suggest you let it go. You don't want to be the person who's causing him tension and stress. Let his mother and ex wear those shoes. Be the better person and don't give in to the BS.
2007-06-13 02:43:35 · answer #7 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't just let it go. Are you nuts. That is ridiculous. They should not be doing that. Why do they want to break you up?! Ask them that question. What you should really do is drop by in on one of their "lunches" and say what you really think. Good luck man!
2007-06-13 04:05:31 · answer #8 · answered by me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋