Family member molesting?

Question

My father molested me as a child until I moved away from home. I had a son to die under his care and after that I forgave him and moved on, never speaking of it to anyone. Didn't realize he was sick, just thought it was me.I just found out he's been molesting my daughter for over 7 years. That's unforgivable and I need to ask God to help me with that but we want no further communication with him. I've started the proceedings for charges against him. He just turned 70,The family is in an uproar, torn apart and no-one knows how to deal with this. Any suggestions? Please help!

Criminal process has begun and I will not stop them. We want no further contact with him at all. Although I was able to forgive him after my son died, I never realized he was sick and thought that it had ended with me, although that was bad enough. I never dreamed he would EVER touch or hurt one of my kids. For all practical purposes, he was good at home and in the community. Very well thought of. I hate him for what he's done to my daughter and want him to suffer in prison, worse than we have suffered for this in life! Thanks for all your answers, we do live in different states so not seeing him is very easy. Once it goes to trial he will be brought back to our hometown where my daughter and I live and that will be difficiult. He was in Law enforcement, small town, everyone knows him and thinks the world of him so this will definately make the front page and be the talk of the town. Please pray for us as we go thru the lengthy process of putting him away and getting on with our life

Answer 1

First of all I am so sorry that your life has been filled with sorrow and hurt and abuse. I have a simliar situation. My dad molested my daughter when she was 4. My mother, not thinking he would ever be capable of doing anything at all like that, left my daughter with him sometimes when I took her over there for baby sitting. At this time I was seperated from my husband and had no other options for baby sitters. Apparantly it went on over a period of 6 weeks until he finally confessed to his counselor, and then to my mom, one day. She called me at work and told me I needed to come over. He told me what happened but had a very warped view on it. He suffers from bi polar disorder, and my mom, was blown away by this, wanting to take him to the hospital. I was completely in shock and had to leave their house. My mom had taken my daughter to my grandma's house, down the street when she had found out what was going on. I called the cops almost immediately and had him taken to jail. The nightmarish year that followed was horrible. I was by myself, and my daughter was not harmed physically, but I had her in counseling, and she did start doing better. She has kept no scars of this, and is now 9. She still remembers it, and even had to testify in closed court, because my dad's lawyer screwed up his head so badly, that he pleaded guilty to one charge and not the other. I don't know if I will ever fully forgive him. I have sent him a few letters and miss him terribly, but since having another baby I have not written him at all in a year. I told my mom it was ok to let him know about the baby after deliberating over it for several months, and I just can't bring myself to write to him, although I want to badly. He's still my dad, even though I have strong feelings of hate for what he did. My husband found out when we reunited 2 years after our seperation and is still not comfortable with it after 3 years. We have other issues as well with his family, who was furious that I did not tell them about it. Now his father has completely cut us off, and doesn't even want to see the baby at all, and pushed away my oldest daughter instead of being a real man and trying to be a positive role model for her. We have other issues with them as well, but I won't go into that. I am very close to my mom, and she is doing better now that she doesn't have to baby sit my dad anymore, but my family came through finally for me. They love my dad very much too, so it's hard to pick sides. They don't like what he did, but they love him still as a son in law. It's really hard to deal with, it depends on the family dynamic, and this seems to have been going on for a long time with your family. I realize that you did not have the ability to speak up about what he did to you because that can paralyze several parts of your soul. Wanting to keep loving him was not a crime, and your son dying in his care is terrible. You did not say what happened, so I will not assume anything about that situation, but then your daughter being molested for 7 years is sad as well. I'm sure that you did not know about that either until she finally was able to talk about it. Seek counseling, preferably Christian Counseling that can help you with your grief process. He needs to be locked away to keep from any other miscreant behavior, and the court will see it that way. It will take time to heal and deal with this. Stay strong for your daughter, and refuse to be a victim. I am willing to be a shoulder for you if you need someone to talk to. Please contact me if you need to. I hope that the proceedings go quickly and that your family can heal from this. I am curious where your husband stands in this, if you are married. If not, then I pray for even more blessings for you as a single mom. Keep the faith, and remember that you are not alone!

Answer 2

While I can understand the stress of what this is doing to your family, your main concern should be putting a pedaphile behind bars, regardless of how old he is. Or whether or not he'll do it again. Unfortunately in cases like these there won't ever really be justice. Because even if he spends the rest of his life in jail, you and your daughter will have to carry this with you. Begin counceling for both of you immediately and let your family know the whole story. And while they might not want to believe it, you shouldn't let them blame you for even a second. As for having to communicate with him, do it if it's necessary to the court proceedings. You owe it to yourself and to your daughter. And once it's over, you can start moving on with your life.

Answer 3

You need a "No Contact Order" put in place. When you talk to the district attorney concerning the case insist this be added. Usually there is no problem getting one put in place in these situations. From personal experience, I can tell you that there will be members of your family blame you for tearing apart the family. You must do what is best for the safety and protection of your child - that is your job and responsibility as a parent. As for forgiving him... That is a decision you must make. My nephew molested my daughter last year. I refuse to forgive that little..... Yes, God wants us to forgive, but if you're not ready to, you can't --- it would be a lie. I'll just have to ask God to forgive me for not forgiving him.... For your daughter, she will be interviewed by children's services (as will everyone involved), they will make a recommendation concerning therapy for her. I am very sorry this has happened to you and your family.

Answer 4

Gosh this is a very sad situation. First of all I would have never ever left my child in his care to begin with. You had to know that he was capable of molesting children. That's kinda like taking an alcoholic to a bar and expecting him not to drink. All I know you can do is give it to God and ask for his guidance and comfort. Don't worry about what the family thinks they will get over it. And if they don't well they are not much of a family. It has to stop.

Answer 5

Wow I can't believe you were strong enough to forgive him. But I'm happy that you found peace at one point. Please get some help immediately because your father is a monster.

What do you mean noone knows what to do?? You have to put him behind bars so he doesn't do this to anyone else. He already did it to you and your daughter how many more people will you let him abuse??

You have the chance to prevent him from hurting anyone else. You know more than anyone how this feels and now you know how your daughter feels...now stand up and do something about it. today!!

Answer 6

Good for you in pressing charges against him! He needs to answer for what he's done even if he is 70! Don't let other family members talk you out of it. He did this to you as well you know. Are you in counseling? If not, you really should be. You need the help of someone who's been trained in dealing with these things. Best of luck!

Answer 7

I'm sorry about everything that has happened, but you've got to stop this immedietly. Your daughter and you were both affected, and it's sick- what he's doing. Tell someone firstly. You must stop all contacts with him, if not already. And get help. Go to a lawyer, a police, a friend who can help. I would suggest taking your daughter to a counsellor too.

Hope things get better soon. Hang in there!

Answer 8

I am sorry that you went thru this. But what your dad did is unforgivable. He did you and your daughter and if I read correctly your son died under his care. Goodness...does he have any passion? He must be charge and I hope that he live long enough to go thru hell in prison.

Last but not least just between yourself and your daughter do forgive him cos to forgive is divine and will gv you peace. He will get his retribution

Answer 9

Show your daughter and yourself that you will not be molestation victims but you will be survivors. By following through with the charges you are bringing against him you tell everyone that you and your daughter deserve better. Please do not back down or you will be sending the wrong message to your daughter.

This will be difficult for the family but remember you did nothing wrong and you are only standing up for yourself and saying "enough!". Unfortunately you are far from alone and if it gives you strength know that you are standing up not only for you, your son, and your daughter but you are standing up for all molestation victims/survivors from this day forward!

Answer 10

First of all if he molested you you should have been smart and pushed him out of your life long ago. No one deserves this, NO ONE. And second that was bad parenting to let him watch both your children. You need help and so does your daughter. Move away and never talk to him again.

Answer 11

Definitely follow through with the charges. He's gotten away with this, without asking for help for HIMSELF for this long... selfish - victimizing poor, innocent children for the sake of his own pleasure. He deserves to pay.

IF you know in fact that he is guilty, then let the law handle it. If your family cannot stand behind you - then they are not true family. Just because blood relates two people doesn't seem to mean anything anymore.