What is the usual or expected amount of time that a widow is supposed to mourn for her spouse?

Answer 1

If you want to go back to Victorian Era etiquette, then one year is the traditional amount of time for official mourning; however, how long it takes a person in this day & age depends on the person, the relationship she had with her spouse, and what her needs are. No one can tell you how to mourn. That being said, there will always be people who will talk about you if they feel you have moved on too quickly, or are dragging it out too long.

Answer 2

It used to be one year, but life used to be much more leisurely. Was the spouse abusive? Two seconds. Are there children involved? Their mourning needs must be met. Does the widow have a good emotional support system of family, friends and clergy? That helps. I think the real answer is that she should mourn as long as she needs to. And I hope she remembers that if she had true love in that marriage then her late husband will want her to be happy and eventually move one.

Answer 3

There is no 'usual' or 'expected' amount of time.

Part of the process of grieving includes moving forward at some point, it is as natural as the first huge shock and overwhelming sense of loss that comes whn someone you love dearly dies or is otherwise lost to you.

When you lose a person who has been important in your life, you NEVER stop mourning them, although after a time you no longer feel the need to weep 18 hours a day and wish you yourself could die.

Each person knows, within themselves, when the time to move on with their own life comes. For some, it is fairly quickly, epscially if they have caring support from family and friends. For others, grief can endure for a longer.

It is not something which can be decided according to any rules set down by others, and even if it could, how would such rules benefit anyone?

There are known stages to grief and grieving, but they have nothing whatsoever to do with how long someone feels the loss of a person they have loved in their lives.

Some people will use bereavement as a means of trying to control another person, by saying "Oh it's only X since your spouse died, you should not be doing this and that ..." Those people are not worth your time in listening to, as they are using you to ameliorate their own sense of loss, grief or guilt.

If someone wishes to continue the visible mourning process (e.g., wearing black, etc) for a longer period, or find that adhering to a set timetable of mourning makes the process easier for them, that is great ~ but they have no right to push it on anyone else.

Everyone feels grief in their own way, and goes through the healing process at their own rate.

Best wishes to you :-)

Answer 4

I think the official minimum is one year [that is to say that people will look at you with a jaundiced eye if you remarry within that one year period]. My father was in mourning for my mother from the time she died until his death 11 years later.

Mourning is a very personal thing that widows and widowers do. There is no official limit as to how long a mourning period should be. A person is subject to criticism if the mourning period is too brief. It causes people to gossip.

Answer 5

It depends upon the personality of the widow. Some mourn for 50 years..some gets married after a year..

Answer 6

The "one year" rule is most often cited. Why? Perhaps it's the belief that one must go thru all 4 seasons to deal with their grief.

Everyone is different, so the answer is "it depends." If by "mourning" you mean not dating, wearing black (or dark colors), spending nights alone, then that depends on the culture or person involved and their beliefts.
I believe you can mourn and still be social. Balanced with the "moving on" part of your lift, spend time reflecting on the loved one, visit his/her memorial every week, write in a journal, etc.

What's important is not to bury the mourning by covering it up with something else to hide the pain -- socializing, drinking, etc. Eventually it will come out, in some form sooner or later.

Best to get it out, talk to yourself (journal), talk to others (close friends, support group), remember the person by honoring them in some way.

Reflect and pay tribute...while still moving on with your life in this world, however that may present itself.
Good luck!

Answer 7

In the past the time of mourning as signified by wearing a black armband could be 1-2 years.
As a tradition there have been changes.

I myself "mourned" for @ a year. It still took me another 3 yrs to date and another 3 yrs after that to remarry.
I was widowed @ 33. Many people were encouraging me to move on at 3 mos. Way too soon for me.

As things are now, people mourn differently, some are able to move on, my timing had as much to do with my sense of loss as it did with dealing with caring for another ailing member of my family which took my time rather than resolutely moving on.

Answer 8

Mourning is very personal and it varies according to the individual. It is a good idea for the person grieving to enter a Grief Support Group as soon as possible after the loss of their spouse (or other family member). If they have been grieving for more than a year, it is clear that they need the assistance of a good Counselor.

Check this out: My brother's wife became involved with someone who was in the Air Force with him and was a very dear friend of his. This happened while my brother was serving his first tour of duty in Iraq; he served three tours in all. He died last year shortly after his return home and his death was related to his service in Iraq. His wife had her lover as a pallbearer at his funeral. Words cannot describe our anger and rage at the gall of that trashy $2 tramp. I think her "grief period" was too short. However, I gave her plenty of grief of my own about 4 days after the funeral and have no further contact with her.

If you are, or know, the widow you wrote about tell her that the wonderful memories she made with her husband will soon become a lot of comfort and smiles for her. Encourage her to enjoy them and it will help her get through that difficult time.

Answer 9

Everyone is different so there is not a set time period- whatever feels enough for the mourner is the right amount of time. I lived next door to a man whose wife died and two weeks after her death he was out on the town trying to pull! By the end of the month he had moved in the woman from across the road!

Answer 10

I lost my first husband to cancer 8 years ago and was widowed with two small children when I was still young (age 33). During the first year I could think of nothing but keeping positive and bringing up my children, but the loneliness and the physical need for intimacy kicked in after a year. I had another relationship which didn't work out, but then met someone else and have recently remarried. There is no answer to this question. Surely it depends on the woman? When you're still young you want to get on with life, and I was determined not to be miserable and a victim. I will always love my first husband. But that doesn't stop me loving my second. We have as much love in our hearts to give and receive as we want to and love expands to fit. Loving one person doesn't take it away from another. My dying husband told me to get on and be happy. Out of respect to him, I have done my best. I have kept in touch with his family and kept my kids part of their lives and they respect my choices. We all deserve happiness.