substitue for spanking a child?

Question

i dont want to spank my child. . . how can i firmly discipline my child without spanking or any other physical punishment?

Hottie, i think that spanking is wrong, because it teaches the children to dislike you, really. and it also has tremendous effects on the child's self confidence. corporal punishment isn't the way to go.

Answer 1

There are lots of ways to discipline a child without putting your hands on and hurting his private parts.

Time-outs and taking away privileges works great IF you aren't lazy about it. Always give a warning first, and never threaten to do something unless you mean it and follow through. The best thing is that this type of lesson/punishment mimics what will happen to him if he misbehaves as an adult (jail, loss of privileges), after you are too big to hit him without getting arrested for assault.

Answer 2

Just make sure the child knows there is big consequences for bad behavior. You can't raise a child without a little fear. If you can figure out a better way that doesn't confuse the child ...go for it. Here is a scenario for you... you are sitting with a friend having coffee. You have a 6month old sitting on the floor. There little 3 year old comes over with a big tonka truck and whails it on your child's head. The other Mom jumps up and goes to her child and says no you can't do that. You are a bad bad boy. She then goes and finishes her coffee while you comfort your baby. This actually happened to me and I was astonished that she didn't think that was a behavior that deserved big consequences. There are certain times when a spanking is needed so as that will never ever happen again. Some things you can let slide or use different disipline, but if your child is continually doing something unsafe...how many chances do you give him. Catch it quick and fast...lesson learned... move on. The child that hit mine with the truck is on drugs, school drop out, and the parents still don't take responsibility when he pukes in their car, etc. The child grew up with no firm guidelines. Everything was given three chances, or up to your room and play with all your stuff up there. Raise your child with a good understanding of what is acceptable and what won't be tolerated. They cannot hurt another person unless its to protect themselves, They cannot deface property, they need to respect other people, and they need to learn how to be safe. They need to look for the good in themselves and others, before they look for the bad. Always, always loved, but never entitled. Pick your battles with your children and stop to smell the roses once in a while and really enjoy them. They do have thoughts and lots of things to say. And again Good Luck...you will need it if you decide on no physical punishment. You don't beat them you know!! Oh ...I tapped their hands when they were wee, and spanked them maybe 3 times. They don't even remember them. If you wait too long it gets harder to disipline them and takes more energy and the child is more defient..

Answer 3

The word discipline comes from disciple. The way to make a disciple is to teach. Children were not born knowing how to act. Try positive teaching with words and reinforcements. However, sometimes it is necessary to spank. Like when the child continues to cross the street when told not to or continues to do something else that will hurt him or possibly cause death.

Spankings are to be done only when the parent is not angry and only on the upper leg.

Spankings don't work when the child is older. Then it's time to take away privileges when disobedience occurs. The best thing a parent can do, is respect their child. This teaches the child to respect them.

Answer 4

I'm the mom of 4 (soon to be 5 children) and I've learned through trial and error that the same disciplines that worked with one child don't work with others. Some of the techniques we use are taking away priviledges, time outs, wall time, standing in the middle of the floor with their arms out for one minute (this is generally for the oldest two). We generally don't yell at them or have to tell them more than once. The more times we have to tell them to stop doing something or the more times they have to be disciplined for the same thing, the more severe the reprocussions are. We also have a star chart for them. Whenever they do something GOOD we put a star next to their name. At the end of the week, if they have a certain amount of stars, they get a special treat. They get stars for things like picking up toys without being told, or putting their dishes in the sink, making the bed, sharing, going a whole day without getting into a fight with each other (that's a big one), and little things like that. We feel it's more important to imphasize the good things they're doing than the bad. They seem to be more apt to do the good things rather than the bad.

Discipline isn't just about surpressing negative or unwanted behavior. It's also about teaching them what IS acceptable, and rewarding them for acting accordingly. I think that's one thing that most people forget when talking about discipline for their children. We want to stop unwanted behavior, but we don't teach them what we want them to do, what do we expect???

Try a few things, see what works for your family and what doesn't.

Answer 5

Realistic Optimist's first source is excellent. Keep in mind that adults aren't even beaten when they commit crimes (except the death penalty), so why would you EVER hit your child? 'Oh, but it's not the same!' Yes, it is. Even the motives for the punishment are the same. The only difference is that you have FAR less reason to do it.

To people who DO spank their children: Are you so insecure that you want blind obedience? Or is it that you're too lazy/selfish to think things through?

Love and understanding beat out tyranny.

To those who say they were spanked and turned out well:
What's your point? The end does not justify the means. This also means that a bad ending does not imply the means were bad. Let people learn... don't try to beat your so-called knowledge/wisdom into them. There are negative effects you probably haven't even thought of...

Answer 6

Curious.. why is this not in the parenting section?

I don't spank, and I commend people for taking the path less traveled. I speak to my children. Even when they were younger. I explained consequences. And when rules were broken, they had to endure those consequences, such as having a privilege revoked. The punishment must fit the crime.

I also think it is important to choose your battles. Children are no more perfect than we are, and must be forgiven for things that they have no control over, such as a tantrum when they are tired, sick, or stressed.

My rule is.. treat my kids with the respect I wish them to show me. Spanking has no place there.

Answer 7

Taking away privileges is the accepted way. Of course, the kid has to have privileges to take away. Also having them take "time out" with nothing to do, maybe even standing in a corner, often works. Although if that becomes a challenge authority situation (as it often does), you may have to fall back on sterner measures. Making them do chores they would not normally do, for example. (My father got most of his own chores done by us kids that way.)

There is no reason to spank a child, but it may occasionally be necessary to swat a fanny or otherwise get their attention if what they are doing is immediately dangerous. Better to smack a hand away from a hot stove than to let the kid get burned. It's not about hurting the kid, but protecting him from immediate danger.

Answer 8

Check out PET, Parent Effectiveness Training. There are books, work shops etc. We have 2 adult children and we never spanked them. They are wonderful responsible people. That isn't to say I didn't ever get really frustrated sometimes, of course I did. I just handled it without hitting. Good Luck

Answer 9

I'm sorry to say, but spanking is good. I was spanked the crap out of if I did something bad, and I learned. It is not abuse, it is a lesson you won't forget! I have seen many kids who are never hit...but sit in a damn time out and what not..they are so disrespectful and rude! I think when kids are disciplined properly, the become better, stronger people.

Answer 10

You can't.

Pro 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Pro 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

Pro 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.

You aren't doing it to hurt your child, you are doing it to make him (or her) be a better person and to learn not to do wrong. It may be hard, but know that in the long run it will help your child to be a good person.