I desperately love a lady who is a doctor colleague of mine.She does not know this .She is 18 yrs younger.?

Question

She is my assistant and we are together almost 15 hrs a day.She is attractive,full of life,jovial and understanding.She is liked by everyone in my Institute as she is very helpful.She has unique personality and everyone in her company automatically gets relieved of all the stress,even our patients express this.When I am away from her I get upset,irritable and depressed.I feel I am going mad and cannot live without her.What should I do?I am 47 yrs old and God!she is so young....

I read all the comments.Let me tell you more.
I know her brother and family.I know what she is outside work.She is perfectly balanced and devoted to her family.No dinner dates,lunch may be--does not go out with friends late evenings,though often entertains them at her home with her family for homely dinners(good cook she is).Very devoted and concerned about her work and patients and does not appreciate personal comments(ignores them)
I am not married and dont want any female other than her.

Answer 1

Although I am personally against getting involved with the colleagues, I'm gonna answer this question like a normal case:

Listen man.
What you are saying in here means problem.
But God,it means way less problem if the whole thing was vice versa.
I mean If you were 29 and in love with a 47 year old lady,that was much more of trouble.
think about it....
So...
Let's see what is good for you:
If the girl is as attractive as you say, she definitely has a lot of experience with guys.
Attractive women get hit on dozens of times a day and recieve lots of complements from everyone they meet.
I solidly tell you a 29 year-old 8.5+ has as much experience with guys as a 45 year old 7 has.
The more experienced a girl becomes, the more she expects from her partner. and therefor the partner should be more experienced too.
The majority of these type of women prefer a guy older than them.
I've seen 19 year-old models going out with no one under 35.
So you are not gonna have any problem about that.
The problem with your situation is that you have always seen each other in a working atmosphere.
Since every one is paying a lot of attention to her,she might have been interpreting your attention the same way as she does others' attention.
So what you need to do is to break the routine.
Firstly make sure you, despite of your age, know how to handle a young girl.I don't mean just in bed.
I mean when it comes to dealling with ladies, you always must be one step ahead of her. But only one step.Not two steps.
If you find yourself behind a prticular girl, then you'll be a follower in her eyes. and guess what, women don't like followers.
If you be more than one step ahead, you'll be looked at like a father or an older brother who wants to teach and correct the mistakes.
So you must be careful with this.

Couple of lines up, I told you to break the routine.

Now I'm gonna tell you how:

I told you women don't like followers. They want leaders. But they also don't want another father. They want a leading lover.

So you must do what a leader does but avoid what a father does.

Firstly start developing a sence of humor.
It goes a long long long way with ladies.
Then when you both are visiting a patient, tease her a bit and be the one who walks away.
Let her follow you by her eyes.

Here you should be very careful. Too much funny stuff makes you look like a goofy a*s.
so you must add some very mild boyish arrogance to your jokes.
A very common term that a friend of mine uses is Funny + Cocky.
I like the term. It explains a lot.
Here is one of my lines which he borrowd from me:

If she wears some of those type of jeans that look old and washed, tell her:
Nice pants. Did you buy them new?

The first part is a complement and probably what she recieves from evreyone who meet her. As soon as she wants to open her mouth to give you the same cliche answer as she gives to every one else giving that complement,(i.e. a sweet smile and a thank you),she hears the second part. And it comes in a huge disblief. I love the shocked look in their eys when they look at me with their mouths wide open.

This type of teasing creates sexual tension.

It creates attraction.

And for having a woman, you must get them attracted to you.
Not that you chase them.
Women hate being chased.
It tells them that you are hungry and guess what, the hungry never gets fed.

So what you need to do is to break the routine and start your new behaviour.

And my gut is tellin me that you look at her too much.
STOP IT.
it's not any better than stalking.

you need to lean back and give her more space.
Just tease her and walk away.

Let her miss you.
That is the key to get a woman love you.

I hope you got what I mean.

Answer 2

Okay Keith, good for you. Take a good look at what it is in her that attracts you. I'll bet you see those same qualities you possess or recognize in yourself. But unless she sees you as a potential mate, you'll run the risk of pushing her away or frightening her if you make the wrong moves. Are you married? Will a move toward her jeopardize your own nest? If so, give serious consideration to the consequences all the way around. 18 years is not the only hurdle...there are probably others that you aren't focusing on. So give some serious thought to what you really want. After all, if you feel complete in yourself you don't really need someone else to validate you. You are great and wonderful in your own right. Honor yourself by the choices you make.

Answer 3

Yep, definite midlife crisis..get a grip and remain colleagues. I have no problem with age differences, but....that is waaay to much at her age. She might like you..but she would use you to her advantage (monetarily). Find some other big boy toys to satisfy your depression. It would only get worse with her. If you were 80 and she were 62, then maybe...but not now. Your last sentence says it all!
You're trying to justify that it's OK..and it's NOT! Leave the situation alone. Business and pleasure do not mix and that big age gap doesn't either! Your being selfish if you think it would work..and last. Just remain colleagues and distant friends, expect nothing more. As nice as you might be..and as much as you might care...it's totally, morally, physically, mentally (need I go on).....wrong, wrong, wrong. What would you be teaching your two young children? There's plenty of 40-something females that have all the qualities she does, plus maturity and independence. Find them! I know four men (personally) just like you, aged 45-55 and they only want trophies on their arm. They've had wives and kids and now they want to play. Young women haven't experienced that, and choose not to get themselves in the same situations. (divorced with kids) Don't make another mistake...you owe it to your two little ones. Dwell on them and not the 'big girl'. They learn what they live and see...and they don't need to see you upset, irritable and depressed.
You asked the question, but you only want one that approves to make it OK...and it's not. Again, if she were 40 and you were 58, or 62 and 80, then it would be a totally different answer.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you are a older guy. Join a online dating site or ask your friends or family if they know any single women. Maybe even do a course to meet someone. Why does the girl have to be young? The facts are if your an old guy without money it is very unlkely you will attract a young 20 year old so it is best to stick to women close to your age group who won't dump you when the money runs out!

Answer 5

Age doesn't always matter if two people really love each other. Go for it, but go slowly. You wouldn't want to lose a good assisstant. Ask her out for a casual dinner after the last patient has left. Example: "Gosh, I'm hungry tonight! What are *you* doing for dinner?" If things progress, fine. If not, you will know when to back off. You *are* mature enough to deal with rejection. Accept it. Acceptance is peace. Good Luck!

Answer 6

There is a conflict of intrest, because she is your subordinate.
I can see from the details, that you are having some guilt over this. That means you're basically a good man. Go with those good instincts. You don't want to put her in a position where she might think she'll lose her job if she says no.

Answer 7

You are so creepy! You remind me of the science teacher at my high school who would stare at the young girls all the time in his class. An 18 year age difference is literally enough for you to be her father. You are old enough to have raised her for 18 years! Find a woman SOMEWHAT close to your own age please. No woman deserves old balls with an extra lifetime worth of use on them. ick.

Answer 8

Inter-office romances usually fail. If you still decide you want to try and make something of this, jusk ask her if she would like to have coffee some time. Dont make it a DATE though. Just a friendly doctors meeting. talk about doctor stuff. If she says "We should do this again some time, then maybe you could make something of it. Younger girls sometimes go for older guys, BUT don't get your hopes up. Again, dont make it a date, because it could make working together difficult if things go sour..

Answer 9

Okay, well. First off, yes you do spend a lot of time together so sometimes feelings of love get confused with familiarity. It seems that you have not made this confusion. By the way you described her, I can see that you care about her. Unfortunately, unlike the books and movies that show the doctor and assistant totally stark mad for each other and having sex in every which way in the back room, most cases like yours are not as they seem. She is younger, and she is your assistant and spends a lot of time with you. Usually when a girl gets in these situations, she starts from the beginning putting up walls saying "Hey, this guy is very sweet but lets not confuse our feelings. Professional. Stay professional. Think of him like a dad." Usually, they do and you become like a protector, a romanticized father and protector for them and they look up to you. HOWEVER, you can not ASSUME that this is the case. If you feel a requited passion, you should ask her. If you do not come straight out, ask if she has a boyfriend and if she seems to stray the conversation away from her personal life and seems akward, dont continue it. If not, remember she is 29 yes, and that may seem young to you, but it is old enough for her to know who she likes. Just because you think she is young and dont want to feel like you are taking advantage doesnt mean it wont upset her, she is old enough to know who she likes and mature enough to look past age. Allow her to love you, if you come to love her.

Good luck! I have an email, [e-mail] and if you or anyone emails a problem to me, i will get back to you with advice as fast as i can, its my advice "services" because i love giving advice. So if you have further things to say, go ahead and email me =] Good luck, and prosper! <3Charlie

Answer 10

you have a codependant personality you do not need to be in a relationship with her. if you cannot live without her then sad to say it but the best thing to do is live without her until you are secure with yourself and can live on your own will. that is why she is who she is because she does, dont you want to have a healthy mentality like that?