I've been screwed over by most of my past relationships.....?

Question

Now I've found this great guy who's so perfect, we've been together for over three years, we're never had a major, major fight, it's all going great. (Maybe I paid my dues) anyways I still can't help getting weird-ed out when he goes out with his friends. I just have this mentality that he's going to do something stupid and screw over a really great thing. His friends are so sweet (to me) but treat their girlfriends like crap, it might be that I think they’re bad influences.

It's probably because of my past and I say to myself that I trust him and he would never do anything to hurt me but it still bothers me. I don't want it to bother me anymore; I desperately need some advice and please don't be mean. Thanks

Answer 1

If things are great, then you have to trust him. Plain and simple.

At some point, when he's not about to go out with his friends, let him know how you feel. Tell him that you don't think he's cheating or anything but you feel insecure when he does the "guys night out" thing. You can get into a discussion about it and I bet the reasons you feel that way will be more clear then. Hopefully, he can help calm your fears.

Good luck! :)

Answer 2

**Why would anyone say anything mean??? What you are going through makes perfect sense!!!**
Same thing with me... big time screwed over before a bunch and now my boyfriend is amazing. I used to get so jealous and cry all the time that something was going to get messed up or something was happening that i didnt know, when in reality nothing would ever happen. I have come to the realization after many long talks about our hopes for the future and where we stand on cheating and what not, after reading all the emails we've sent each other over time, and seeing how he treated everyone else that I know nothing will go wrong. If you can just take your boyfriend and look at him for what he has done, how he has treated you, and what your goal is together, then the hopes are you can see that you don't have to worry.
If you have been perfect together for 3 years, I highly doubt that his friends will influence him to change that. Why change a good thing?? Your boyfriend may see how they treat their girlfriends and know that its wrong and that he would never do that. Have you talked to him about how his friends treat their girlfriends?? He should tell you the truth about what he thinks about it, and that should give you reassurance. If the says "its their business" thats also signs that you shouldn't worry because that means he doesn't want to get involved in something that he can't control is wrong. (I can't get what i mean exactly but if he says that dont worry!)

I don't think there is a set thing to say to this situation, i think it is a situation that we all go through, even though we know in our heads we can trust our boyfriends, just to give us something worry about.

Answer 3

Nothing wrong with the guy going out with buddies. However I'm not a big advocate of the whole clubbing/bar hopping thing. That's for single people. My boyfriend does hang with the guys, at a sports bar then he comes home. Don't let it freak you out. Tell him what I tell my boyfriend (been together 2 1/2 yrs) "I trust you, but GOD HELP YOU if I ever catch you cheating". Don't let bad thoughts run your mind. I would be weary though of his friends though, just because of how they treat their girlfriends. They treat THEIR GIRLFRIENDS like crap. What makes you the exception? I would be wondering what they say or do when I'm not around. Be careful with that. I also don't believe in bad influences. Nobody can make a person do something they don't want to. Everyone has free will, so lets hope your man uses it for good and not evil.
Good luck to you!

p.s. Anytime my bf goes out with the guys, I am ALWAYS invited.

Answer 4

I understand how you feel. While I don't have a boyfriend, I have been in similar situations and have found myself thinking similar thoughts. I believe that paranoia, although often is too excessive, is also sometimes truthful & beneficial. The best thing you can do is LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE. That little part of you that never lies to you, but speaks so softly that sometimes you can't (or won't) hear it. Look for real signs too. Pay attention to other ways that your bf may be influenced by his friends that have nothing to do with relationships. For example, I once dated a guy who had a favorite beer (many of them do) but whenever he was with this or that different person, he would act like THEIR favorite beer was also his favorite, just so he could be that much more in their favor. Now this may seem small and insignificant at first, but once I notice it I began to notice a trend of easy influence by others in other aspects of his life and it eventually led to the demise of the relationship.

Just pay attention to how your bf behaves with and then without his friends. The only real important questions you should be asking yourself is how do YOU feel about yourself? Do you feel truly loved? Do you feel honored and respected? Is the relationship bringing out the best in you? If the answer is no, then it may be time to consider moving on. If, despite your worries, your boyfriend still respects you and treats you like the lady you are, then consider him to be a man of honor and don't keep fretting about his goofy friends unless his behavior changes.

I hope this helps. Good luck :)

Answer 5

number one , i think its normal to feel that way, because I too have that same thing, I fear that everytime I get into a relationship that maybe this will be different yet it seems like everyone I date is the same, i would tell him about my trust issues and about the experiences i have been through and tell him that if thinks about playing me he might as well take a gun and take away that last bit of life I have left (that is a metaphore*) and I want you to know that some men have a problem with just having one woman because they look at a lot of woman who are sexy, you cant expect yourself to be the only good looking person, they can look but they better not touch, and I think that if they truely love you then they shouldnt be doin that stupid stuff, its called maturity men, now if they treat their woman like crap then ask yourself what makes you any different, if they are like that then they are bad influences because they will only talk him into hitting up some other girl, you need to keep your eyes open and not believe everything he says because you might be on to something little lady *-*

Answer 6

His friends treat you nice because your boyfriend treats you nicely...so apparently they believe you deserve to be treated with respect. You cannot keep him a prisoner. If he screws up, it will happen whether you keep him on a leash or not...and he will resent being on a leash. So trust him until he gives you a reason not to. Look at it this way...instead of his friends being a bad influence on him...he may be a GOOD influence on them! At any rate, he's an adult, and can choose whether or not to follow his friends or not. The relationship is good, so he most likely wants to keep it that way...if not, it's best to find out now

Answer 7

the only way to get past your insecurities is to get yourself some counseling. A therapist can help you by #1 giving you an objective 3rd party to talk to & #2 give you "coping" mechanisms...things you can do when your mind starts leading you in directions you don't want to go.

Answer 8

if he has not given you a reason to be insecure then trust him he should not suffer because of the actions of others from your past, and three years is a long time im pretty sure he is committed to you.

Answer 9

I have these same feelings and naggin him about it wont help. all i can say is trust. Just trust him enough to know that he loves you enough that he wont do that to you... but dont be blind but have trust and faith and you'll be fine. I promise

Answer 10

choice better guyz