the funeral? How is the current spouse supposed to feel about this? My ex hasn't died, but for some reason this crossed my mind tonight. And also, would it be different if your child was still young, rather than in their 20's? Do you only attend because of your children?
2007-06-05 17:47:36 · 38 answers · asked by Corona 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Blake...Answering your question to if my ex died now how would I feel, I have to honestly say I don't feel it would be my fault just because I asked this question, and I don't "wish" death upon anyone, but it is a fact that we will all die, I just wanted to know what was acceptable behavior if he happened to die before me. Thanks for your answer.
2007-06-05 18:16:07 · update #1
I think it depends on the relationship. My mom died of cancer in 2006 and my son's (who was 24 at the time) paternal grandparents and one of his Aunts attended the wake, the funeral, and the meal after wards at the church. I appreciated very much their support. His father called him but did not attend. If his grandparents or any other family died I would definitely attend their funerals. For my son and for the family.
2007-06-05 17:54:17 · answer #1 · answered by Only hell mama ever raised 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents are divorced and I don't think they'll be attending each other's funerals.
That being said, I think it depends on how long you've been divorced and how old your kids are. I'm 24 and my parents have been divorced since I was 3. In your case, 7 years of remarriage has crossed that point where you're not really violating any rules of etiquette. If your divorce was more recent and your children were younger it would probably be right to attend. For the children's sake, mostly.
Once your kids are out of high school and presumably out of the house, it might even be a bit weird to go to the funeral. Especially if you've had a contentious relationship with your ex, as my parents did when I was growing up. And if you've both moved on into new relationships. I think that's obvious, I'm just saying.
Oh, and your new spouse, if he's a real man, will completely understand if you do decide to attend.
My question to you- how bad are you going to feel if your ex dies tragically in the near future?
2007-06-05 18:02:37 · answer #2 · answered by Blake 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As awkward as it may feel, I would attend with the child. I would call ahead and offer condolences, of course, but I think it's proper to attend. You don't have to stay for the whole thing.
The current spouse should be a mature adult and realize the importance of the relationship the deceased has/had with you. It'll be over shortly anyway so what are they b----ing about?
The only difference in the age of the child is whether he/she can make their own decision. You share a child in common and you both have a right to be there. You don't have to be friends with anybody. Just go, pay respects and leave. They will remember and so will you that you did the proper thing.
It's often worse to regret indecision than a bad decision.
2007-06-06 21:44:22 · answer #3 · answered by Tellin' U Da Truth! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Theoretically speaking of course. . .
You had a child with the man. The least you could do is show up to his funeral (unless of course he used to beat the daylights out of you on a regular basis or something).
And what can your current spouse say? I mean, would he be jealous of the ex? that would be pretty sick, right? "Wow! You're dead and I'm not!"
I see your point, but I think it all depends on the relationship you have with the ex and how you feel at the time. You can go just as support for your child and I think that would be fine.
2007-06-05 17:51:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is entirely up to you if you want to attend. Your current spouse should understand that you are going out of respect because he (supposed deceased) is the father of your child. One time you two were married, you got married for a reason, had a child for a reason. You are allowed to acknowledge that part of your life with respect and wisdom, no matter how pleasant or unpleasant the past was.
If you don't feel comfortable going to the funeral, you are not required to attend. If your child is young at the time, you may consider going for support reasons, but once the child is an adult you should not feel obligated to escort them.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 8, my dad's dad just died this past year (I'm 26), my mom went to his funeral. My mom and dad rarely talk, they are both remarried, and no one had a problem with her presence.
2007-06-05 18:01:40 · answer #5 · answered by Kathy H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your child attends the funeral, you should as well. The current spouse should understand that you are there for the child. If there are very bad feelings toward any in-laws these should be considered. No one wants to be the cause of a scene at the funeral.
2007-06-05 17:51:28 · answer #6 · answered by Spyderbear 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course you would attend the funeral. He was afterall, the father of your child. The age of the child would not matter. Even if you were not on good terms with the ex, the basic reason you are attending is to be there for the support of your child. What the new wife feels about this, does not matter. She should understand that you are there for your child and not to "make a scene".
2007-06-07 03:35:42 · answer #7 · answered by pj 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you and your ex had a civil relationship and/or the child(ren) are still young (under 18) attend in the company of your child(ren)..
If you child(ren) are over 18 and they ask you to attend with them you attend.. If your children are over 18 and they do now as you to attend do not attend..
If you have children in common with your ex your current spouse and/or his current spouse should already be used to some interaction betwen you and your ex. So going to a funeral shouldn't be too difficult for them to handle.
2007-06-05 18:26:06 · answer #8 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure, attend with all your dignity. For the sake of your child as well as for old times sake. First, go convey your condolence to his spouse then you talk to your child. Her response is not important. It should be safe from any negative effects as they are alot of people around and she would also want to show off her magnanimous nature. Then you can view his body. However, it is a no no to create a scene as if you are so sad and literally cry out loud. (Seriously there are people who do) because it would be shedding crocodile tears. By attending, it would be like telling each other, 'Let bygone be bygone'. If he had wronged you, the attendance is a form of forgiving.
2007-06-05 17:58:20 · answer #9 · answered by Vico 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why not, people sometimes break up for whatever reasons, does that mean you must hate forever, no you have let go and moved on, but you where together once upon a time and you some good in that person, so why not attend it makes you the better person, nevr hold a grudge its no worth it, in fact it makes you unhappy because everytime you ponder or bump into the past you perhaps think of bad happenings, why not think of happy happenings and enjoy your future, let them see that it was they lose, cause you are the best no matter what anyone says, and you will always enjoy life with or without them...hope this helps your thought....take care and enjoy life
2007-06-05 17:57:44 · answer #10 · answered by trial & error 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋