Ugh my mom is dating!!!!?

Question

ok so my dad past away last year to cancer. And my mom got this trail for singles.com so she tryed it out and she found a couple of guys she likes tlking to. She promised me she would take it any futher than email. Now shes texting, calling and meeting this one guy named frank. Also she lies about going to meet him, she'll say im going to the doctor when shes all lik dressed up. She talks to him lik 24/7 and it has'nt even been a year since my dad past away. When she texts him she payes no attention to me and my bros. Ugh i dont want her to date what should i do

Answer 1

Your mom has the right to date, and while she shouldn't be sneaking around behind your back, I think she's validly afraid that you will drive any possible suitors away.

You're still young, so you have no idea how lonely a grown person can get, especially after such a tragedy. No one will ever replace your dad, and no one will ever hold the exact same place in her heart, but the heart's capacity for love is unlimited. Do you really want your mom to be alone & unhappy for the rest of your life? I know that you would protest that she has you, the rest of the family, & friends, but they're not a lover. A lover is much different, and takes care of needs that friends & family can't. I'm not just talking about sex, but about so many different things.

What you do need to do is to draw attention to the fact that you are aware that she is dating this guy, & that you feel that it is unfair that she's lying to you in order to see him. Is she really ignoring you, or are you jealous that someone else has her attention? If she is truly ignoring you, then draw her attention to this as well. You need to be able to compromise with her. She will eventually date & remarry someday. How would you like it if she were to tell you that you could never date anyone again? I think she may be mostly afraid of you rejecting someone that she's grown attatched to. She doesn't want to make a choice between you & him, because the kids always win. Don't make her resent you. She'll feel like you have kept her from becoming happy, and trust me-it will damage your relationship far more than if she had started dating again.

If you've tried talking to her about her ignoring you, & she continues to see guys behind your back, then just let your grandmother, or her sister know. You may feel better just talking to one of them to get this off your chest.

Below are some links that deal with similar subjects to yours.

Answer 2

I can understand your point of view. Your dad passed away (which I am sorry to hear), and it's might feel to you like your mother is betraying him, because in your mind, you still think they are together forever.

Please understand that life is more complicated than that. If I were to pass away, I would not wish that my wife stays a widow forever. Specially if I pass away from cancer, which is an affliction that drains the life out of everybody around me.

Remember that one day you will grow and get married, and leave your mom. That day, if she never talks to a man until then like you want her too, she will be all alone in this world, getting old, holding your dad's picture, with truly nobody by her side to lean a shoulder on. Allow your mom to find happiness. After a year, your dad would only wish so.

Answer 3

Your mother has to have a life too.She wouldn't lie to you if you didn't make such a fuss over this.She's worried about how you feel and unsure of herself.
You need to be a little more co-operative with her and stop being selfish.Your dad has been gone for a year and you need to realize he'd want her to be happy and have a good life.
Sit down with your mom and have a good talk with her.Tell her how you feel and what you're concerned about.Maybe she can put your mind at ease.She won't do anything to harm you or your brothers.
If your mom is happy,you'll all be happy. She's young I presume and won't be alone forever.No one will ever take your dad's place so don't worry about that but you could have a good new friend in your life.Someone who cares for your mom and you guys.
One day you'll be grown up and gone from home and I'm sure you won't want your mom to be left all alone.Think about that.
Be good to your mom and try to accept her new friend as a new friend for you.And always remember that no one will ever take your dad's place in her heart or yours.
Good Luck and God Bless all of you.

Answer 4

Some people get over the death of a loved one faster than others. Your mom is probably very lonely since your father passed away. Of course she has you and your brother but you probably have your own life too and she obviously can't join you at the mall with your friends and you wouldn't want to go out with her to a nice restaurant for dinner. She needs to have adult conversations and to feel like she's still a woman...I'm sure your father wasn't really in that good health near the time of his death and your mom was always taking care of him. She probably just needs someone to take care of her for a change.

I don't approve of her lying to or ignoring you and your brother when she's contacting this guy. But I guess she has to lie to you because she "promised" she wouldn't go any further than emails and it looks like you want to hold her to it even though she may have found a great guy. Cut her some slack and try not to punish her too much for being human.

Answer 5

Awww, I'm so sorry you lost your dad. I lost mine to cancer, too, and it's tough. I know that you must miss him an AWFUL lot and really need your mom right now, and it's hard to have a part of her taken away when you just lost your dad.

Last Easter my mom was going to one of my sib's houses for Easter dinner and wanted to bring a 'friend,' and boy were we all in shock.

But you know, for many years I've read advice columns where widows and widowers who are very lonely have started dating, and had kids who objected, and I always hoped that if and when the situation arose, that I would love my mother enough to wish her well.

I know that you love your mother and want to spend time with her, and she loves you - or she wouldn't be trying to keep her relationship a secret. She obviously doesn't want to hurt you.

Sweetie, I know you don't want your mom to date. That is really hard. But I just think she is going to have this relationship no matter how you feel about it, and she does need this, so I think it would make things better if you tried really hard to be agreeable about this. You need to support your mother. I know that you DO want her to be happy, and sometimes wanting someone we love to be happy means sacrificing some of the things WE want. But you know, that's just what people who love each other do - they deliberately push down their own wants to support someone else. I would encourage you to do this with your mom. You will both feel a lot better. This does NOT mean you are being disloyal to your dad - you are his lil girl and you will always love him.

Answer 6

Nothing. You're mom is a grown woman and you cannot control her. She has a right to move on with her life, and there is no time line for grief. As hard as it is for you to accept this, your mom is ready to date again.

Give your mom a break. You sound old enough to entertain yourself and do you really need your mom to give you her undivided attention. Sounds like you haven't come to terms with your dad's death and that you are feeling abandoned by your mom, just like what your dad did to you. Alot of kids feel abandoned when their parent dies young, I know I did.

I would talk calmly to your mom. Tell her that it hurts your feelings when she lies to you about where she is going. Tell her that while you do not understand about her wanting to date, you want her to be happy again. Tell her that you are struggling with the loss of your father and that you need help. Then get it. If she will not help you, then go to your school counselor or school nurse and tell them you need help getting grief counseling. Sometimes there are groups at school for kids who's parents have died or who have left the home. You can also talk to your spiritual leader, a pastor, priest or rabbi.

Don't be angry with your mom, she's making some mistakes now that will haunt her later. Allow her to not be perfect and help your brothers if they are stuggleing as well. I'm sorry for your loss, losing your dad really sucks but it wasn't his fault and you couldn't do anything about it. Take care.

Answer 7

Your mom and father are in simple terms looking out for you. i do no longer think of that they do no longer have faith you . in fact that they do no longer have faith the boy. and that they shouldn't. Boys have a loopy ideas. i comprehend which you will have faith him and all yet there will be situations which you 2 would be on my own and you by no potential comprehend. each so often going to a boys abode for a week long can deliver mixed messages to him. i comprehend which you stated which you and him will wait till you're older yet words propose no longer something in as we communicate's worldwide. if this boy incredibly loves you he will comprehend which you're actually unable to attend. i might in simple terms call him up and tell him that your loved ones has made some plans and which you will no longer have the skill to attend this week.

Answer 8

Oh hon....I'm so sorry you've lost your daddy. That's incredibly hard and heartbreaking for you I'm sure.

And while it seems like mom is going against everything she said she wouldn't do, she does probably feel the need for some male companionship. Keep in mind that while you lost your daddy, she lost her best friend--her husband. It's hard as hell I'm sure of it.

You need to have a talk with your mom hon. Tell her that this is making you uncomfortable, that you know what she's doing, that she doesn't need to lie to you about it. Parents forget how smart their kids are---I know, I got 2 of them myself. ;) We often don't give them credit for their intelligence.

Tell her that you don't like feeling ignored and that you're not feeling cool about all this. That you're still grieving for your dad.

I wish I had some words of wisdom hon, but I really don't. I just only know what I'd say to my mama if it was happening to me.
Good luck hon.

Answer 9

First: I am sorry for your Loss.
sorry, but it isn't up to you. She is and adult and maybe she really has made a connection with someone. You should sit down and share your feelings on the subject try to understand she Has also lost someone she was close too (your Father, Her Husband) She is not used to the dating scene she hasn't had to do it since before you were born.

Answer 10

Sorry about your Father. However, your mother has a right to go on with her life. One day you will be dating, going off to college and on your own. Would you like her to be alone? Stop being selfish and let your mother live her life. As long as you children are being taken care of she needs time for herself too.