Did I react too harshly to my 4 yr old son ?

Question

My son is a healthy four year old boy, who is-was full potty trained for well over a year now, however he's had a setback.

While playing Playstation, within the past two months I've found him several times with wet pants. Each time I found him wet my temper grew more stern. This wasn't an accident while alseep or while traveling in the car, this was pure laziness. He didn't want to remove himself from the video game he as enjoying.

If there's anything more than Playstation my son loves it's his Cars movie action figures and playset. He spends hours playing with these toys, it's really heartwarming to see him enjoy himself so much.

With that said, just this past sunday, my son wet himself infront of the Playsttation again, and also soaked my couch too..this time, I LOST IT.

So...I marched up to his bedroon, and allowed him to witness as I took all the Cars toys and tossed them in a black garbage bag and placed it up in the attic, telling him why he can't have them.

He really felt the impact of losing his beloved toys. I told him he would have them back in time when he no longer wets himself while infront of the TV.

He cried and put himself in his room for the rest of the night. My wife returned home from a neighborhood event and let me have it good. She said I reacted to harshly, and suggested I change my terms, and return the toys at once. I said NO WAY, not yet. My wife will not cross me because that's just something we stand by, even if we disagree regarding handling the kids. But she confered with HER mother and she too let me have it.

AM I WRONG, DID I REACT TOO HARSHLY ?

The Playstation is enjoyed by my other kids too, if I took it away, everybody will unjustly suffer. That's why I focused on his personal things.

I feel I need to provide more details...

1) I don't play with Playstation at all...NEVER.

2) I have three kids at home 7, 6, and 4 years old, who all enjoy the Playstation.

3) My wife is a school teacher herself, and does limit the video games down to a 1/2 a night...that's all. Weekends or rainy days sometimes more.

4) I try not to scold my kids for odd mistakes, it's just in this case senario it was several times of me talking to my son without progress which lead me to my reaction.

5) My Mother-In-Law has an outdated opinion of everything.

Answer 1

Wow, now i think this depends on a lot of things. Like how long has he been potty trained. Maybe he has been trained since he was 2 and you find it shocking that he had an accident. I wouldn't punish for an accident but at that age i might show a little dissapointment and remind them that it is okay to take a break to go pee and then come to back to the activity that you are so engrossed in. It can be hard to tear yourself away from something like that, i would show him the pause button if he doesn't know about that. But punishing an accident will only lead to setbacks in the whole potty training department. Little boys bladders will just empty when they are full and often times boys have trouble remembering to go and empty their bladder when they need to. I often see my son doin a dance and i just remind him it's okay to take a break and what you are doing right now will still be there when you get back.

Answer 2

In my opinion - you acted too harshly. But you can't fix that. Now you have to be consistant. The fact that you and your wife stick up for one another in this situation is admirable but you took the wrong thing away.

Set up a chart that specifically says = you go this many days/hours without having an accident, and you get x number of cars back. I would suggest accelerating him getting the Cars toys back. Not all at once - but over the course of 3 or 4 days.

I agree with everyone that you should have taken the Playstation away - IT was the problem, not the cars. If your child is so busy playing it that he can't hit the pause button to go to the bathroom - THAT is a problem.

I would severly limit his time playing that - I know kids get lost in it - and it's probably a great source of entertainment - but I'd rather my child was playing with action figures and playsets and using his imagination than plugged into a Play Station.

You were thinking linnearly - and a four year old doesn't think that way.

Good luck.

Answer 3

The punishment should fit the crime. I would not have taken the other toys away because this has to do only with playstation. Maybe only let him play for 10 minutes or 15 minutes at a time and turn it off and make him use the bathroom... He is only 4 though and the attention span is just so intense with the game that his little mind probably just doesn't work for his bladder too *lol*... Be careful with how you deal with that too because if he feels bad about wetting himself and you punish him too much on top of it and make him feel worse, that could be a bit traumatizing... but something should be done and only you and mom know what's best for him based on his reactions to punishment and whatnot.

Answer 4

The appropriate thing to do in this case would have been to explain to your son that since he cannot or will not control his bladder while playing playstation, he will not be able to use the playstation. This is not punitive or ugly, just natural consequences...the thing with the cars is kind of punitive and ugly. Plus, playing with cars is a lot healthier for a 4 year old than playing video games, and you let him keep the problematic, unhealthy pastime and took away the healthy, appropriate alternative.
Re your comment about being unable to remove the playstation due to other children in the house: 1st of all, don't you have enough control over your 4 year old, that you can forbid his playing with the playstation even if you don't disassemble it? Surely if the other children believed they would lose the playstation if you did see a need to disassemble it, they would tattle on himand keep him off of it. 2nd, I don't see how your other children being deprived of the playstation for a little while for the benefit of their brother's bladder control, is "suffering".. The playstation is a frivilous accessory, and lack of a playstation does not qualify as suffering. Sure, it ain't fair, but life ain't fair...and how much do you wanna bet that if the whole family were to lose the video games for a week, your little boy's siblings would in the future remind him to go potty at least once an hour - problem solved.

Answer 5

I think your reaction was too harsh.

It sounds like he is simply too engrossed in the PlayStation to take notice of the warning signs that he has to go. You remember being a kid, I hope? Engaged in something so fun that it's hard to leave it. Video games (and I love 'em, not knocking them at all) have a tendency to grab attention more than mere toys and games.

You as a parent have to take some responsibility for these incidents, and ensure that before he starts playing he goes to the bathroom. And then every 30 minutes while he is playing, you make him pause the game and go to the bathroom. It is a good idea for you to get him to take a breath from playing a video game occasionally anyway.

Come on Dad, give the kid back his cars. :) A wet sofa is not worth your child's self-esteem. This kind of trauma can cause even more of a setback in potty training, and I'm sure you don't want that.

Answer 6

I understand completely your frustration and you what you did it's ...ok. But this happens more often that you think to kids that age, is not just lazines, but is that they are enjoying the game that much that even though they have the need of going to the bathroom they "forget" about it, and when they realized it's already too late. My now 7 years old boy did that a couple of times with the playstation, he started playing that when he was 5 and he was so emerge in that game that even when I was talking to him he didn't listen to me ...at all!, that's when I realized that he was spending way too much time playing that game. I don't want to preach you on how to raise your kids because each parent has their own method, I also have other kids who enjoy the playstation as well but I decided that the game was too much for my then 5 and 10 year old sons, I gave it to my oldest son and bought my younger kids a gamecub, which doesn't have as much "cool" games as a playstation (which it's intended to be for adults) and started monitorizing the time they spended playing that.
You reacted as any parent would do.

Answer 7

How long is your 4 year old using Playstation? Establish a healthy amount of time to use it, maybe one game (one level). Help him learn how to structure his time in the day by setting a schedule for him. Say you have lunch and after lunch is potty and clean up time. Then maybe it is nap time. And after nap time is potty time again. Playstation could be an activity he occasionally selects for a limited time along with other activities such as coloring or Playdough or Legos. Maybe this is for 30 minutes. Allow him to hear and see this schedule, even though he may not read yet. Kids need structure and structure allows kids to regulate needs such as hunger, sleep and potty time. Don't forget, you child needs your attention too during activities so he may learn how to socialize and play with others. You will be that very important person he is learning from!

Answer 8

Potty training and bathroom issues are not the time to react that way. It could put him in a tail spin as far as continuing the wetting behavior. As a long time day care teacher and Pre-K teacher, I have experienced set backs in potty training such as this. Unfortunatley, I would always track it back to the parents. I would ask the parents if something were going on at home and 99.5% of the time a big change had just occurred. So, in the future take it easy (since you can't take back what already happened)... and try to not act on impulse that way. Walk away, count to 10, and go back and discuss with your son in a calm manner what happened. Ask him why he peed his pants; tell him that he may not get to play video games if they distract him from getting to the toilet when he has to go (don't take away something else that has nothing to do with the behavior, that just confuses a child that age); then in the situation of wetting on the couch, ask him what he thinks should be done about that, (he may offer to help clean it up) because he needs to start learning about real consequences in the real world, even at this young age. Good luck! Do not think that I think you are a bad parent; we all have moments when we loose it! Yet, I hope that you will remember that we are talking about a four year; not a 10 year old.

Answer 9

O.K., I just can’t leave this one alone,

Fist off, I have to agree with most everyone here, Wrong toy was taken away,

Then I have to ask…… did you not take away the PS because you like it too?

Hmmmm Then I have to agree with you AND your spouse, she needs to stand by you and you her, but did she stand by you when ratting you out to the mom in law?

Hmmm many more scenarios here to say right or wrong.

Children all develop at different rates. Is a wetting his pants due to him playing PS and being lazy or is it because it is medical, point here is you reacted. If that is how you want to be remembered, (The REACTOR) your son might grow up walking on egg shells because Dad might react. Shame really, and all over wet pants and a video game. I can think of worse things to react over. If the stress is getting to you think about the Distracter factor. If he is too distracted playing a fun video game that is exciting put it away until he is more grown up and understands what behaviors are appropriate

Answer 10

Your punishment did NOT fit the crime in this case. He should lose his PlayStation privileges for a time. Easy for him to understand why if explained.....do his siblings take potty breaks? To play 'big kid games' gotta act like a big kid. He is 4 so maybe no PS2 for 4 days? Make it rational and he will understand and learn from it. Limits are VERY important with TV or any video type game. It's an earned privilege not a habit!