Anyone got any idea's on how to get some money back from a loan we gave our kids?

Question

My daughters husband is a dreamer: goes from one job to another. He finally drove them into financial ruin by trying to operate a house gutter business. My husband & I have been buying groceries & paying some bills for them over the last year. They lost their health insurance & have 2 sons, one with diabetes & one with asthma. My son-in-law has ticked a lot of people off by not showing up for jobs & is being sued. He is not a nice person but seems to think the world owes him a living. We help our daughter & grandsons because it's not their fault but have got to the stage where we think we're enabling him by giving them money. It's gotten as far as having to co-sign for our daughters car so she can get to work.
The S-I-L has now got a restaurant job but they are still in debt & talking about bankruptcy (again).
We have an unexpected bill ourselves this month & would like to get some money back (the $500 we lent him to buy a truck when his got re-possessed would be nice).

Answer 1

Yes, you are enabling your SIL. Unfortunately your daughter married him so she and the kids are suffering, too.

I would not give them any more money. Please don't co-sign for any more loans because it puts you in financial jeopardy if they default and could hurt your credit score. If the kids need something, buy the goods for them directly.

Honestly, you will never see that $500 loan.
You could take him to small claims court, but with his spotty work record and attitude, you will never collect any real money.

Most states have no cost or low cost health insurance for kids under 18 in low income families. Some pharmaceutical companies give a discount on medicines for those with a chronic condition. Also, many doctors have a storage closet of samples. I hope your daughter can get insurance through her job for herself. Also, if their income is low enough, they would qualify for food stamps and free or reduced lunches at school for the kids. You daughter would have to file for the benefits at Social Services.

Your daughter and grandchildren would be better off living separately from the SIL until he gets his act together. Remember God helps those who help themselves.

I hope things improve for your daughter and grandchildren.

Answer 2

You have to be very clear in the future about what is a gift and what is a loan. When it a loan make them sign loan papers. If you want to be sure of where the money is going pay specific bills such as electric bill or buy groceries. It is nice when family pays it back and helps you when you need help but the guy doesn't sound nice, selfish actually. We had ex-mom in law that ran out of money before she ran out of month. So we purchased groceries and helped out & she was good about paying us back but the financial situation just got worse and worse for her. She finally had to make some tough choices that she didn't want to make. You're not likely to see the $$$ from the past just try and be clearer in the furture. Good luck and bless you for being there for the grandkids.

Answer 3

Want some truth? You are neve getting that money back. If you need your money keep it and help yourselves because they are never gonna be able to help you if you need it.

I know it is hard to watch your kids do without but that is what you must do. You need to stop giving them a free ride. As long as you are there as a willing safety net he is never going to do any better becaues he does not have to.

More truth? You daugher should make sure she doesnt have any more kids because the time is coming when she is gonna have to get a job and raise them on her own, she will probably have to move back in with you so don't let your place slide or none of you will have anything. This guy has his head up his butt and nothing is gonna change that so just get prepared to weather what is surely coming in the years ahead. God Bless and Good Luck, I think you all are going to need a lot of it.

Answer 4

My sister has a very similar situation on her hands with her daughter and son-inlaw. They also have children-3. She bends over backward to do everything for all of them. She has asked them for the money back, but it's always not there. She recently told me that from now on, any money the daughter, S-il owes them, is being written down and when a birthday or holiday come up then she allows so much for their gift, she credits their account for the adults only, not the children, they can't help what their parents do. I know this isn't what you want to hear but some people take advantage of their family. They know they can depend on you and they know you'll catch them when they fall. I feel so sorry for anyone who has to support another family, hopefully your S-law will grow up and be the husband and Father your daughter and kids need. If he doesn't then your daughter hopefully will do something about him. She has to be miserable living with someone who doesn't care enough to provide for his family. And I know it hurts you to see this also. Best Wishes, I hope things get better for you and your family.

Answer 5

I hate to say it but your SIL sounds like a real sleeze ball.
He dosen't even get an "E" for "Effort".
I don't know what state your daughter lives in, but, she can get Health Ins. thru the state for the kids, and maybe even for herself. have her call the County Health Dept. they can guide her in the right direction. also, if she's not to proud, she can apply for Food Stamps, help with rent(HUD) and with the eletric bills, and when winter comes back around with the Heat also,(HEAP).
You said, she has a job, so therefore, she PAYS into the system, she might as well use it now that she needs it.
In the mean time, Don't give any money to your SIL. Cut him off at the pass. and take him to small claims court.
If you do give any money to your daughter, tell her to keep her mouth shut and not tell him.
He's being Piss-Poor at being a Husband, and Father.

Answer 6

WOW you're in a tight spot... i see the dilemma. The good thing is that you realized that you're enabling. What i would do, is talk to your daughter first. SHE has to lay down the law with that man and make him grow up. And if he doesnt get his stuff together, SHE needs to make him be a man and provide for his family, by any means necessary. i would tell her this first, then mention that you need your money back and you'll give them a timeframe to pay it back. Dont lend any more money. If the kids need something, buy THEM stuff and not the adults. They have to wake up and smell the coffee... good luck

Answer 7

tell your s-i-l that the money you lent him was not a gift and you would like to see the cash back even if it is in small bi weekly installments. tell him that it is about time he get his head out of his butt and provide for his family since you are no longer willing to do it anymore. keep a running total of the money spent on your daughter and the grand kids and make him sign the book or a promisary note since then if he doesnt pay you back you can take him to court and sue him for all the cash you have spent.

Answer 8

Good luck! I have learned tat people who borrow money tend to have the philosphy of "I'd rather owe you forever than cheat you out of anything" and therefore, you seldom get it back. I do agree with the fact that while you are helping your daughter and her children, you are enabling him to continue slacking. If you're goign to be taking care of their finances, wouldn'tit be cheaper as well as probably more convenient for you to just have her and the kids move in with you and that would make him either sink ior swim on his own, plus it might allow her to see that while she may love him dearly, he is not right for he ad she and kids deserve better.

Answer 9

Unless you have some sort of written, or verifiable verbal agreement that the money was in fact a loan, you have no method of legally forcing him to return any money that you may have given him.

It doesn't mean that you can't put some sort of pressure on him to make voluntary payments, and considering that you are co-signers on the car you might be able to apply some leverage that way.

Answer 10

You can ask, but don't hold your breath. Sounds like they really have no ethics when it came to borrowing the money - and haven't been concerned about paying it back.
You just need to consider everything you gave them a "gift", not a loan. Don't count on seeing it.
Time for you to cut them off, literally, from your funds. You are not helping them at all. They are adults, and need to deal with their own mess. Your daughter isn't blameless in this, either, so don't protect her. She made her choices, and needs to deal with the consequences.