When will people get a clue? BDSM=?

Question

Why do people seem to think that BD/SM is all about kinky sex? I think many of you have gotten the Playboy BS into your heads somehow, and can't seem to understand that the Lifestyle is NOT about sex at all. It's about serving your Dominant, in all things. It's about subspace, an endorphin high that is totally awesome to experience, and about putting your sub/slave into that state, or if a submissive, getting to that state, not about "tie me down and f*ck me". Why can't people seem to understand this? We are not the dangerous, psycho sick killers that is portreyed by the media to make profits with their lies. We are extremely careful NOT to cause injury, or death, but the media would have you believe otherwise, and sensationalise reports in the news to get rating, and nothing else. Next time you have a question about this, go to those who actually know, not the media, or the "Tie me down..." people. I'm tired of being judged by those who THINK they know, when they actually know nothing

So many people fail to realise that in the Lifestyle, we love our submissives, who give so much of themselves to their Dominants. We care for, direct, and do everything possible to expand their horizons, educate them, care for them, and guide them in times of trouble. In all things we seek to improve their education, knowledge, and lives, moreso than the average married couple would even think to do for each other. As Dominants, We give much, and accept the great responsibility that has been placed into Our hands. We are expected to keep Our submissives, safe, fed, housed, clothed properly, and see to it that they are kept healthy, happy and content. We are expected to be their for them when they feel down, and depressed, feel insecure, or are just having it rough at the time. Neither can exist without the other. Each brings so much to the BD/SM relationship, and it is consensual. No one is ever forced into the Lifestyle, but rather approach it willingly, with knowledge, and trust.

As far as BD/SM being deviant sexual behavior, this is obviously wrong on many levels. First off, there is usually NO sex involved at all, so it cannot be deviant SEXUAL behavior. Secondly, anyone that has seen animals mate, especially preditors(Humans ARE predatory by nature, hence the forward facing eyes of the hunter) knows that the mating ritual can be, and is oft times rough to the point of drawing blood, and causing minor damage to the female of the species. So, the behavior, even if it were sexual, is STILL not deviant. Otherwise one must list feline mating rituals, as well as wolves and a great many other preditors as deviant as well.

Answer 1

I just wanted to add to that. BDSM is not all about "whips and chains", it's also about feathers and silk. It's about heightening senses and giving into pleasure. Not everyone gets tied down, not everyone gets spanked, but everyone's having a great time.

Ann S -
Those same books describe masturbation and homosexuality as deviant sexual behavior. You believe that too?
BDSM can be very healthy and loving. These are the relationships that last 40 years and up.

Answer 2

The beauty of BDSM is that there is room for all types. Most of the people I have interacted with are very open and accepting, and I have learned a great deal just by talking, listening and sharing ideas. I like the fact that we take from it what works for each individual player, that you make of it what you want and what suits your particular needs. The "tie me up and **** me" crowd is certainly welcome to talk, listen, learn, share ideas as well as the hard core 24/7 lifestyle people. Most of us that practice didn't start out hard core, most of us started out with fantasies that were a bit out of the "norm" and were afraid to tell anyone until we found that one special person that we could explore with....

I agree with you that BDSM is not bad or "sick" or "psycho", I agree 100%, however, most people do not understand it, and until they do, it will continue to be labeled deviant. Most people only see what's portrayed on Law and Order or CSI, and they truly don't understand that for some, it isn't about sex. For others, it can be a wonderful prelude to sex.

That being said, I think people are not wrong to exercise caution. Sexual relationships in and of themselves require a lot of trust, a BDSM relationship requires even MORE trust. Honesty and open communication are a must, especially if bondage is involved. With BDSM we submissives often allow our Dominant to place us in situations where we are completely and utterly helpless (which is part of the excitement!) It's no wonder people have misconceptions about it, since all they ever see is negative portrayals in the media. The only thing we can do is to continue to be responsible in our relationships, and educate people where we can, and let it go.

As with most other "deviant" types of things, homosexuality being one of them, it is becoming more mainstream and accepted, but we still have a long way to go.

Answer 3

you could play at BDSM without contract. you additionally can edit the contract to comprise a constancy clause. you're smart to be nerve-racking approximately your self-properly worth in a BDSM courting. it may be superb in case you worked in your self-properly worth in a concrete way. pass to a therapist in case you could and notice in case you could rebuild. If it is not a threat you are going to be able to desire to do issues which will advance your view of your self. you could artwork on getting greater fit. try going to a stylist with an extremely stable rep and have a make-over. Get some information from a expert on the thank you to apply makeup on your benefit. pass to a intercourse save and get a pair of quite attractive clothing that make you experience stable approximately your self and can desire to be integrated into your BDSM play. If at any element you experience such as you're dropping your self in this courting or function play, it's time to step back and take a wreck from the BDSM.

Answer 4

Because the media wants to make ratings. They think that the only thing that makes news has to be negative. People are nosey and want to see all the negative. If they weren't, Programs like Judge Judy, and talk shows like Montel wouldn't be so popular. Not to mention the soaps that have nothing but negative love stories that depict cheating. A past time that seems to be extremely popular in My state, In My Opinion.

I'm old school. I have also gone through what's known as Gorean training. Many people even in the lifestyle judge Goreans. And while Gor is not real, the principals behind it are. I was what's known as initiated, as well as trained in real actual serves. I had to be, I was being Mentored. To Me, in My ways of thinking it's the only way to know completely what a Submissive goes through, although many judge that too. To each their own, and some truely can become a good Dominants without experiencing Old School. I'm not judging.

When I went through My Mentorship MANY things were freed inside Me. Personal walls and prisons I had built up that protected Me from being hurt in the past. It made Me be a lot more open. I will always..ALWAYS keep a very special place in My heart for My Mentor.

I have actually seen it in websites, "Psychiatric" sites, that state that BDSM is a mental illness. It's information like this that give people the wrong clue about what it is.

I've also heard story after story, as well as going through it Myself of past issues being recovered. Layed down for good and gotten over. How can something that helps someone get over traumatic events be a mental illness?

I personally am an Extreme Sadist. I'm extremely Dominant and do not take crap from anyone. I'm also very very judged. People think I'm only out there to hurt people. This is so far from the case it isn't funny. To see a slave in Subspace, that soft gente smile on their face, the look of total relaxation. The peacefulness, sometimes when things are the roughest for them. It's something that's awesome to say the least. To watch a slave grow, to see the walls come down, and them bloom like a flower is awesome as well.

Something most people do not know is one of the symbols used for bdsm is a rose. Something of great beauty. The petals being so soft, and watching it grow, mature, and open to something exquisite. It truely is something, that is not seen by a lot of people.

BDSM is not for everyone. Everyone has their own thing that they like. It's ok, but many say if you don't do it this way or that, you're no good. I don't understand why people can't just let everyone be themselves. Why do they have to judge? Why can't they be open? Fear of the unknown? I don't know, but in My way of thinking..as said before, To each their own.

In the lifestyle I believe in SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual). Nothing I do ever goes against the wishes of anyone.

Also, when I scene a slave, I don't have sex with them. Sure sometimes orgasms happen because of the intensity of the scene. It does happen, but it in no way shape or form is it the main part of it. No penetration happens. No stroking of any genitalia.

I could go on and on, but I don't have the time nor the space to do it here. I just wanted to let people know My beliefs in the lifestyle.

Answer 5

You sound like a good Dom. Don't worry so much about how BDSM is portrayed in the media. Some people will just never understand. I think those things should be private, just between the people involved anyway.

Answer 6

Your lifestyle is cool with me as long as you don't cause injury. As the saying goes, To each his own.
Hope I helped you.

Answer 7

Not sure what the question is here, but thank you for the good information! I learned something!

Sorry you're being wrongly judged by people who don't understand you.

Answer 8

The same way they think "Wiccans = Satanists" it is a stereotype. Kudos for you in posting this and working hard to shatter the stereotype.

Answer 9

I have found that the people who talk about it the most, are often not the one's doing it.
Enough said.

Answer 10

I think thou dost protest too much. why do you care what is thought about your lifestyle?