my pastor said women must submit to men because there can be only one head in the family, one decision maker?

Question

what about interdependence? what about mutual respect, what about co-ownership? there need to be no one boss, but a great partership, why didn't my pastor like that?

Answer 1

Many Christians(especially the men) tend to be sexist, my dad is the same way.
I have one answer to comments like that...

BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

There is a difference between subservient and submission. The first is a forced happening... you are forced into servitude. The second is a willingness to submit to another. There are some denominations that believe in total submission... that there is no place for interdependence or equality. I think at that point it becomes servitude not submission.
In the Lutheran church this is not pushed that much, unless it has the next verse with it: Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. In other words, we are to submit to our hubbies willingly, while he then holds us up in highest esteem, takes our opinions, our counsel, our advise, and in that, lets no harm come to us. Any good husband would always make sure his wife is included in decision making and running the household.
But, no where does it mention to what degree must we submit. When there is an important decision to be made, we both have an input. Depending on what it is, sometimes he gets to have final say and sometimes I get final say. And that is based on our knowledge, expertise, etc. I would never even attempt to tell him how to fix something and he would never tell me how to file our taxes!
As far as him being the head of the household spiritually, that's not the way it is in our home. I'm the head of the household when it comes to church and the like... And he gladly lets me take that position.
The few couples that I have known that have taken it totally to heart have ended in divorce. They become abusive relationships, where the woman is made to feel useless and is treated as a second class citizen.
Best advise.... take the counsel of the Bible, and apply it to your marriage in the best possible way. In a way that is respectful of both of you and of God. I can't see that God would be upset about that!

Answer 3

He's quite a throwback, isn't he? I was going to be flip, & agree, except that it's me!
But to answer seriously, basically, most religious types quote St. Paul about wives being submissive to their husbands. A lot of Catholic churches don't include that part any more during the readings; it's been made optional. But Paul was a person of his time, when women were expected to be that way. Jesus was much more of a feminist than many of his followers of any generation.
What you say is all true--all of those things are highly desireable. I would want them in my marriage. These days, with changing social roles, the old ways of man as head of household do not work as well as they did.
While it can help to have someone who can make a firm decision, it doesn't have to be the man, nor do they have to do it all the time. I know a couple where she tends to dither a bit on decisions. They talk it over, & as they lean towards a decision, he pushes it through because she's too busy seeing both sides. Note the cooperation there in the discussion, and that they are coming to a consensus anyway. It just happens to be the man there; I've had to push a decision through while dealing with her a few times. I've certainly seen men who dither, too.

Answer 4

For about 2000 years, there has been a anguement in Christianity about the place of the woman. Women in the ancient world were Chattle. that means living property. A lot of men then (and still today) think women are the cause of suffering - Adam and Eve.

Jesus came along and talked a lot about equelity, but when he died, the people left to carry on after him seized control of things. A lot of people think Paul was like that, but I don't think so. Here's a very telling story. Paul is asked by a bunch of men if women can speak in the congreagation. he says No, of course. He didn't want to alienate his followers. But later, in a sermon, he says that if women do speak in the congregation, thay should cover their hair. He's called on this - You said they couldn't and he says really? I meant without a veil.

Many Christian groups have given up Male supremacy thing. I'd be willing to bet your Baptist, fundamentalist or Charismatic. You get this stuff in some other sects, but it isn't as previalent. I bet they have a Promise Keeper's group, too.

You Pastor didn't like it, because it isn't his doctrine. Because he is part of the group in control and doesn't really want the controlled group getting uppity. Because he has some old fashion notions. Next time he gives you this line, ask him if he's like you to put your Burka on right away or wait till you can go to the ladies room.

Answer 5

In 1 Corinthians 10 or 11 it talks about the man being the head of the family. What he's talking about is when you marry you become one and the bible talks about men being the head of the woman. To me this doesn't by no means mean that the woman has no say in anything. I believe in equality. God said the man is the head, not a slave owner. We should all have a voice when it comes to things, but in the end it is the man's decisions that count. We can tell them our opinions and maybe work something out with them that they'd let us decide certain things, but according to the bible they are the head. This is why I'm not married, because I'm way to independent and I kind of like to do things my way, and I can't see a man telling me what to do, I know this spirit is not of God, and I know I need to work on it, I guess I'm like you I want mutual respect, not dominance. But the bible never meant for men to treat women unkindly, it kind of goes along with children obey your parents, it's a respect thing, not a slave owing thing.

Answer 6

I wouldnt necessarily agree with that. It is probably true that women submit to men because they feel secure around them and love their support and stuff, but not because there can only be one head of the household. Of course, over centuries of mankind women have always been lower than men, but nowadays, women are really fending for themselves. It is also not true in my eyes that there can only be one head of the household. Of course, men are usually the bread winners, but a couple can collaborate on needs and decisions that is requried to run a household and there lives. Hope your pastor opens his eyes. I can see where he is coming from if he is up in years, back then, the whole women vs.men thing was real big. Intersting question.

Answer 7

Evidently your pastor hasn't READ ALL the verses in Timothy, because it's all about Mutual respect, and consideration. There's countless verses that speak of a man, being considerate of his wife, and loving her as Christ loves the church and what not. It also says "submit as IS FITTING in to the Lord." that can't be under abusive or power hungry circumstances.
I'd find a different church if your pastor is doing a 1/2 sermon, enabling some kinda twisted perspective. Very unhealthy.

Answer 8

The LDS Church teaches that both are equal partners. Check it out at the links I put below or search at www.mormon.org
www.lds.org
They show through scriptures and modern day revelation how a husband and wife must be equal partners for it to work successfully. "Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 11:11

Answer 9

The verses that men use to keep women subservient are misunderstood. It says Submit toYour Own husband, meaning to be faithful to him only. Jesus said married couples are to be one. How can they be one if they are not equal ? Lots of men are very threatened by the idea of equality whether they are religous or not. These verses also say to love your wife like your own body. If they did that they wouldn't want you to be subservient because they wouldn't want that for themselves. I could say a lot more on this subject because I have done a lot of study on it, but I'll stop now. PS. One more thing----If God had meant men to rule he wouldn't have created Eve and he would have made men a lot smarter than they are.

Answer 10

Your pastor is getting his ideas from a time period when women were pretty much the property of men. Luckily, today, in 2007, slavery is illegal.

Women and men are equal in a relationship and should have an equal part in the decision making. In my marriage, if we both don't agree on something, we don't do it.

Answer 11

Heard that thing before and have read all about it. That attitude is for weak minded people.

What they are trying to say (in a 1800s) kind of way is that someone needs to take charge. It is a result though of couples not being able to be couples and that attitude is preying on uneducation. Your "man is going to decide all?

I have been military all of my life and seen the world and know all sorts of important people. My wife does great at her job with a goverment contractor and makes great money. But at the end of the day she is the one at the end of the day knows me best and tells me to get off of it. It is not about who is in charge but two people talking and being together...... as a team in life. She is great at certain things and I am great at others...... and often her opinion makes me better.

Only weak men who are insecure tout that women should be submissive. They may mean well but it is still a base insecurity. What is there to be afraid of? You having a mind?

I consider myself fortunate to be with my wife......