nearly 6 months pregnant, facing the thought that it might be best to put her up for adoption?

Question

I am 23 years old, and 25 weeks pregnant. Though I have been doing my best thus far to figure a way to give this little girl the best of life and all that she deserves, and I slowly realizing that without the full support of my partner and his family, it might be best for her in the arms of a family who can truely embrace her and provide for her. This was an unplanned pregnancy and it's hard for me to even write this question. I am not dead set by any means on what I really want to do, but does anyone know on where I might best find information on placing a child for adoption? If i did go through with this, I would want to be a part of picking out the family.

my partner and i are completely open about this entire experience and exploring all of our options together. i'm not doing anything illegal by a long shot..................

to everyone who has been supportive - your guidance, advice and encouragement has meant more than you could imagine and i so sincerely appreciate it. this is a long road that myself and this little girl are going down and im sure the end is no where in sight but with the help of others i hope to make the BEST decision. THANK YOU.

and just so you all know, not everyone is so kind. here is a small glimpse of the kind of people out there, who try to steal your spirit, and break your heart (i recieved this is a message)

"you are the awful person here giving your child up for adoption just to satify your needs that baby probably would be better in another home so it wouldnt have an ungrateful mother like you how could you live with yourself if you give the baby up you are just basically throwing it away because you are careless and worthless there is no mistake here except god gave you the blessing of having a child that you now dont want..." there's more, too heartbreaking...

Answer 1

I gave my child up in an open adoption to "friends". After the adoption finally went through, I was told I could no longer have any contact. I was devasted. I would never had gone through with it if I had known. I also was surrounded by a bunch of brainwashing baby stealers. Do I sound angry? You bet I am. For all those who think adoption is so great, I say give one of your babies away and then tell me all about it. Baby stalkers sit on this sight waiting for someone like you to post something like this and then they want to be your new best friend and will email and talk to you. Some say they've given they're baby away, just to lure you in... they're like pediphiles.

It's a hell you will never know. I have since had another child, but it's hell everyday. That nasty post you got, that is exactly what people will say to you. If it hurt you now, think of how it will feel then. Before I gave my child up for adoption, I was surrounded by people telling me how strong and wonderful I was. As soon as the papers were signed.... they were gone. Then when I made the mistake of telling people what I had done.... oh my gosh.... the negativity was so overwhelming.

You can embrace your daughter and provide. She will be the driving force in your life. You will not regret it. You know who makes good parents? The ones who have the greatest doubts.

Answer 2

I am so sorry you had to receive that horrible post...some people are just dead set against adoption. Personally, I could never have given up any of my girls but that's me. You have to weigh your situation thoroughly. You mentioned your partner and his family, but what about YOUR family? Do you have any support there? If there's one thing I DO know...You don't have to have a man in your life to raise your child. It's a very tiring but very rewarding journey. There are pleanty of great single parents out there. On the other hand, if you feel you are going to be an unfit mother in some way, or you are a danger to the child...it DOES happen...then absolutely adoption would be in the childs best interest. You seem like a very considerate girl and you seem to be putting alot of thought into this decision and that is great. Just make sure you are making your decision for the right reasons and don't ever let fear of the unknown stop you or change how you feel.

Answer 3

You must be prepared for the negative when it comes to adoption (by ignorant people who do not know your situation, nor the glory and joy of adoption)..........In any case, here is my suggestion to you. Contact a reputable agency in your area now. They have social workers who will help "sort out" your thoughts, YOU, will still be in control, all the way up to the birth, and even for a period after placement (revocation period).

With the agency's assistance, if you do not have the means for prenatal care, or insurance coverage, they will handle it for you. The most important facet of this however, is the social work side. It will help put things in persective for you either way.

Know this....your decision is one of the most difficult you will make in your life.. Try and "put the baby's needs" first. Write down the pros and cons on a piece of paper. Talk to other birthmothers at the agency to hear their experiences.

With most adoptions these days, agency's entertain OPEN adoptions, which means that you can send letters and pics annually, and some adoptive parents entertain visits as well, meaning, you can still be a part of this child's life if agreeable by all parties.

Right now, at 6 months, is when most women "consider" adoption as an option, so you are right on track. You are not alone, and you will need the support of family and friends. Remember this, you are not "locked in" to adoption when you contact the agency. You will have your rights for a while as stated previously, but do something now, to prepare and educate yourself sooner rather than later.

If you decide to go the adoption route, I can tell you this..........there is a couple out there "that you will more than likely be able to choose", that has been on an emotional roller coaster for more than likely "years", just waiting to parent. They are more than likely financially and emotionally prepared to give a child the best life can offer.

I wish you luck with your decision.

Answer 4

No parent(s) ever feel they are providing the BEST for their child. The "best" for a child is to be loved. It isn't money or both parents being together even that the child remembers looking back on life.... it is how much they were loved and the good experiences. I agree with the open adoption idea/over the closed adoption (if you choose adoption) - there are many couples out there that agree to allow the birth parent to be a part of the child's life and that way you don't have to completely give up the baby... Pray about it and make the decision that you honestly feel is best for you and the baby. Blessings to you all.

Answer 5

My dear, this is a rough decision that you have facing you. I know exactly where you are at in you life..... as I was there as well.... I got pregnant at 22 was unwed...no college.... not a supportive family...and no support from the father at all... I trepidated about what the best thing to do for the baby and for myself.... and to spare you all the long details... I chose to place my son up for adoption.... and when I did this I was pained beyond description... however, It was the right decision for my son and for me.... I had no education...no support.... all alone... and I knew that my son deserved a better life then I was able to provide for him at that time... And when I made this decision... I made a promise to myself that I would take EVERY OPPORTUNITY that was available to me so as to not let this happen in vain.... I am now 38, married, I am a nurse, I am in the military, AND I have a daughter that I CAN take care of...She is my everything... I still wonder about my son sometimes.... I wonder if he is happy, I wonder what he is like, I wonder everything about him.... and I do this NOT because I regret my decision...because I do not... I wonder about him and worry somethimes about his happiness becasue I am his mother...... So, when you make your decision think it all through.. know that whatever decision you make will be difficult... having a baby you may not be fully prepared for or adoption.... You have to be true to youself AND you baby when you make this decision... and know that whatever you decide is the CORRECT decision and one that only YOU can make. You have a lot in front of you... before you make your decision you should speak with the department of childrens services to see what assistance is available and if it is enough to help you bridge the gap between where you are and what you want for yourself and your daughter.... You do not say if you have any education or skill that allows you to financially support you child without any financial help... but money is not the ONLY thing that is required to raise a child... and you need to be reasonably sure that all other needs are met.... There are many a poor family out there that are happy and many a rich family out there that are miserable...So,dont let money be the deciding factor in this for you.... Check many different adoption agencies.... there is AGAPE. (a christian based agency) and as well the department of children and families can help you with information about adoption... and many many many other agencies out there religious based and non religion based agencies..... Do your homework and follow your heart! Take care!

Answer 6

I actually would like to say bravo. Regardless of what you decide at least you are trying to do what you think is right.Ultimately you have to be the one to make this decision,no one else. You and your child will have to live with the result. I know this will be a hard decision for you either way, however I will try to give you the view from the other side of this. I have been trying to conceive for seven years, and can not I have spent a lot of money on fertility. Countless tests,and procedures to no avail.I want to adopt, but I need to do a independent adoption(just me the lawyers and the birth parents) Most adoption agencies want small fortunes for placing children. I am telling you this because it will give you a small ideal of what people like me will go thru to try to have a baby. Therefore there are people who would do just about anything to give your little baby all the love and wonderful things this world holds, including me. I hope this helps. Whatever your decision God bless, and I wish you peace in your thoughts and decision.

Answer 7

From the perspective of an adopted daughter:
I myself am adopted. My mum was an Irish Catholic unmarried mother, which at the time meant to have me adopted or be ostracized by her family and go it alone.

I always know that it was the most unselfish thing she could ever choose to do, to give me up and entrust me to a family who could offer more than she felt she was able to at the time. You are not at all being selfish - you are being a fantastic mother to your daughter by thinking of her needs more than your own.

From the prospective of the mother of a daughter:
Having said that, I would really encourage you to keep your daughter if at all possible - though obviously I don't know your situation.

I think that if you are not 100% sure that this is what you want to do, you could end up regretting it and it's not reversible.

Whilst she has many needs, more than anything else she needs a mum who truly loves her - and you clearly do. You say you don't have the support of your partner and his family, but are there other people who could support you? Do you have any family yourself, or close friends? If not you could try going to a church or perhaps asking the doctor if there are support networks available for people in your situation.

I love my daughter to bits. She is by far the best thing ever to happen to me, and it would be such a shame for you to be robbed of this opportunity due to lack of support.

I really hope things work out for you - and whatever happens, don't be bullied, manipulated, guilt-tripped or isolated into doing anything other than what you feel is right.

God bless you. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy and beyond.

Answer 8

First of all let me say that if anyone out there is telling you that you are a horrible person then they seriously need help. I adopted my son (he is now 15) from my cousin when he was 2 months old. She had 2 other boys and could not provide for them. I thank God for her everyday. I am so blessed to have him in my life. Now my husband and I are trying to adopt another child. My husband has no birth children of his own, so we would like to adopt a child together. My cousin always had access to my son. She was never denied knowing that he was ok. My son also knows that she is his birth mom and she made a great sacrifice by giving him up for adoption. Open adoption is the best way to go and you do not need to go through an agency for that. We just used a lawyer. There are so many of us out here that want another child. You are in my thoughts. Best of luck to you.

Lynn

Answer 9

There are many resources available within your community that you can turn to for assistance. Try contacting Planned Parenthood and they can provide you with valuable resources. You would not believe the number of couples and even single people who already natural children that are unable to have more children that would be thrilled to adopt another child. Myself included. In my opinion the ideal situation would be adoption that is open and would allow you to be a part of the child's life if that is what you desire, That is a very difficult decision to make. I have been there myself and not too long ago found out that I have an older brother out there somewhere that my mother never told my brother, sister or myself about and she died two months ago. So I feel that honesty is always the best policy. No matter what you decide please keep the babies best interest at heart and that will be the right decision.

Answer 10

I think adoption is always something that is hard to do. I'm a birth mother and i gave my son up for adoption. But I knew it was for the best, i was already a single mother with a 2 year old struggling through life and barely making it. I knew by giving my son to a family who couldnt have children that it would be the best for him, a better way for him to grow up. I would say definetly consider it. I have a open and happy adoption with my son. He's still an infant but the family wants him to grow up knowing who I am which is great. Good luck hun and whatever decision you make i'm behind you 100%. If you need anyone to talk to you can email me on here. Just and FYI i'm 21 years old. So i'm fairly close to your age. Again Good luck.