what would you tell your boyfriend whose parents are Shunning him because of religion?

Question

My boyfriend told his parents about his feelings for me.. and I am not in the same religion as him and they don
t want to associate with him anymore. THey are Jehova's witnesses.. What can I tell him to help him feel better? I think he is happy he told them.. but not happy about their actions towards him.

he thinks they are brainwashed.. and has seen more love in my family than he ever did in his.. that's what he told me. He is tired of living in fear of them and the religion.

actually sasi, he has done nothing wrong.. but he also doesn't believe in the Jehova's witness religion. He doesn't think it is right and other things about it also.. Maybe that is why his family won't want to associate with him. I disagree because I have read the watchtower writings.. where they claim even if he is your brother not to eat with him... etc,, bad associations.. Thye basically scare the members to think that if they associate with non believers they will be destroyed.

sklemetti, It is strange the most judgemental reply came from a JW member.. How can you assume that I do not study the Bible? Or that I am not following God's word. I have read the whole Bible and try to live by it.. as a whole and I believe the King James Version to be the truth.. not the version made by some guy in 1950 so certain phrases will match their teachings..

Answer 1

Tell him you can't change anyone else. Only yourself. They are the ones who are shunning him and maybe someday they will change their mind. As a parent, i can't imagine conditionally loving my child. If my son became a satanist, ufochasing, pornographer, I'd still love him. I'd still be there for him, and sure I'd lecture him and try to convince him to at least drop the UFO thing, but he'd still be my baby and I don't think I could turn on him.

There are worst things in the world then not being a JW. This is one of the very things people sight when they call them a cult.

Tell him that, though he doesn't see it right now, that it's going to be alright and you love him. Sometimes that's the only thing that's important.

Answer 2

There may be a bit more to this than you are letting on because JWs are not supposed to shun any JW unless they have done something "wicked" and not "repented" of it (like smoking cigarettes, or fornicating). Either that, or if you have a strong faith, they consider you to be a "spiritual threat".

Going purely on what you have said, love is the key. Your boyfriend has already experienced more love with your family than his own. Good. The longer he stays away from the Kingdom Hall, the less hold they will have on him. But shunning is an intimidation tactic designed to make people 'crack' and come back, so don't take anything for granted. You will have to be very sure of your own love for him to see this through. It will be severely tested. But real love is always the stronger for trials. You don't need to tell your boyfriend anything; you have to coax him to tell you his deepest thoughts and fears about all this - and listen. Then get mature advice from a Christian who knows a lot about the JW set-up.

Answer 3

A great deal depends on how old your boyfriend is. If he's still living at home, his parents still imagine they own him body and soul. Women often form a lifelong friendship with their mothers. Among men, especially if the father is a "biblical" tyrant, it's usually necessary for a young man to rebel against his father to become a man in his own right. If your boyfriend is an adult with a place of his own, you should definitely support him through this difficult phase. If he still lives with his parents, expect big trouble ahead because he has a lot of growing up yet to do. I suggest you ditch him to avoid getting sucked into a family feud, over which you have no control, and for which you will be blamed by all parties.

There's plenty of other boyfriends in your future. Find one from a normal family, with parents who love and support him. Men who come from "religious" families may have too many hangups to ever become a loving husband. The brutal truth is, as a young woman you should be looking for the best spouse you can find, not "damaged goods" with hateful parents. Ditch him before your life becomes a horrid soap opera.

Answer 4

If your boyfriend hasn't been baptized, his family may adjust and, in time, not feel the need to shut him out of their lives. Some families do, and some don't. If he's baptized, though, and expresses that he doesn't believe in the religion, his family will very likely continue to shun him. It depends on how strictly they follow the 'rules' as well as other factors, such as whether or not they've had a close relationship in the past.

If you want to help him, just be a good listener. JW's aren't permitted to freely express doubts about their religion so they must keep their questions and doubts inside. Hopefully you and your family can help him deal with his feelings and help to fill the void in his life.

Answer 5

Get married and raise kids, send his parents birthday party pictures and christmas cards with photos, send follow up photos of the kids, you and the hubby haveing fun doing the Easter Egg searches.
You are likely to late to have any effect on the parents. Cults can be very effective in controlling their victims. Be careful about your boyfriend. Shunning is designed to cause a lot of damage. It is the cuilt punishing people for having functioning minds capable of making free choices.
How could anybody feel about being shunned by their parents.

Answer 6

I really can't figure how any religion can actually promote the break up of families. I have seen it many times and many places. I really doubt that "Jehovah" would condone such behavior. Manipulating people to belong to a given religion in such a crass way does not fit with any Christian religion I have ever run across.Tell your boyfriend to tell them that he is ready to honor his father and mother but that doesn't involve their pressure to belong to this "cult". When they honor his wishes to choose his own beliefs, he will be happy to welcome them into his life. In other words put the shoe on the other foot.

Answer 7

Be supportive of him and let him know that others have been down that road. The Watchtower kicks out about 10% of its membership each year. Life goes on afterwards and while it may not be easy, knowing there are others on the road to help will help.
If he needs support, have him contact people like Randy Watters freeminds.org David Reed cftf.org or bcmmin.org to find people who can help you and him.

Answer 8

Dear Enquiring Mind,

My heart breaks for both of you. I can commiserate because even though my parents were both raised and they got married in the Congregational Church, my mom became a Watchtower Witness after they married and before I was born. On Sundays in our household Mom single-handedly waged World War III.

You haven't told us how old both of you are or whether or not he lives with his parents.

For His glory,
JOYfilled

Answer 9

I think it depends on how he feels about his decision. Is he a Jehova's Witness also or just raised as one?
Just be careful because if he/they believe that religious preferences is to be unequally yoked then in the long run he may struggle with that decision.

You should talk to him about what he is feeling. Can he live knowing that his parents may disown him due to his decisions?

Answer 10

i'm tremendously outspoken approximately my loss of thought in maximum circumstances, and that i'm good at protecting that, yet my kinfolk is deeply non secular. I stay a pair of hours removed from maximum of them, so it incredibly is basic to stay my sinful agnostic atheist life form; yet, while i pass abode to pass to, i pass throughout the Christian motions. it incredibly is much less complicated to maintain the peace than to shrink to rubble my good kinfolk courting by utilising telling them how incorrect they're. as long as their faith isn't hurting everybody, I shop my mouth close. The minute that differences, i will enable them to comprehend they have crossed the line. tell my mom i do no longer have faith in God? i assumed she replaced into going to return throughout the telephone when I instructed her i've got faith in evolution!