how can i not come off as bitchy/snobby/obnoxious?

Question

this seems like an obvious answer but it's not. in my teenage years, i had been accused of appearing this way by people who didn't know me well. i am in fact very insecure and reallt do not judge people superficially. sometimes, i feel like every move i make will come off as obnoxious or that i think im great, then it paralyzes me. i could care less if someone is a little edgy as long as they are nice but as an adult, i am still scared of coming off this way. it's gotten so bad, i switch between being mute and meek around people and not, which just seems weird. thoughts?

Answer 1

Oh my gosh, I am in a very similar situation. I am the shyest, most self-conscious, nervous person I know. When I get around other people I feel like crawling into a corner and staying there. People rarely approach me and I always assume it's because they think I'm ugly, stupid, etc. The friends I do have say this is not the case: I give off a bitchy, snooty, better-than-you vibe. People who get to know me always say, "you seemed so different! I thought you were a total b*tch." I've tried to "act" less bitchy in ways that I can think of--such as smiling, giving complements, asking questions to draw new people towards me--but this only works for a short time. Eventually I run out of things to say, then I start to get nervous and I'm back to making my b*tch face.

Someone told me that the situation would improve for me if I stopped prejudging people. I told this person, "I don't prejudge anyone!" And he said, "that's impossible. And in your case it isn't true. You're prejudging all those people who you assume do not/will not like you. You're not evening giving them enough credit to decide for themselves whether they like you or not."

I haven't been able to put this to use for myself. I maintain that my problem is that my afraid face unfortunately looks like a b*tch face. :-)

Answer 2

Practice a genuine smile, and eye contact. It gives any phrase and tone a new context. Also, offering people a random compliment goes far. People can usually pick up on insecurity and shyness, so they may not assume that you are a snob. A smile does go a long way. It's true. When I was young I was insecure and very introverted, and people used to think I was rude, but learning how to smile and make eye contact changed the way people thought of me. Now that I am older, people always tell me that I am nice. Avoid correcting people that you don't know well, even if what they say is ridiculous. Offer an encouraging dispotion in conversations, even if it is just a nod of agreement, and don't be afraid to explain yourself to people.
I also waitressed for a long time, that kinda made me an extrovert though. Being meek in a social situation happens to every insecure person. We have all stood there silent looking either disinterested or like how a little kid looks when listening in on grown-ups. Good luck!

Answer 3

You were accused of appearing that way by people who don't know you well...that says a lot. Who knows what their motives were for saying what they said? Maybe they were jealous of you and just wanted to make you feel insecure. Don't give them that much control over you. Now if someone close to me said it, and maybe a few people close to me, then I would take it more to heart. I would ask them specifically what I said or did that appeared bitchy or obnoxious to them. Then I would try to see it from their perspective. If they're right, then try not to repeat that behavior. If you think they're being unfair after you try to see it their way, then let it go, just be you. Not everyone has to have the same personality. Some of the most energetic and fun people I know are considered obnoxious by others. It's all in your perspective. If you were a truly bitchy and obnoxious person, you would not give one thought to other people's opinions of you to the point of becoming meek and mute...truly obnoxious people don't care that they're obnoxious!! I think maybe someone is trying to manipulate and control you, and that's not right. It's okay to be a strong, vibrant, opinionated woman, as long as you are not trampling on other people's rights and feelings in the process, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just enjoy your life and don't worry to much what other people may or may not think of you...the Oscar Wilde quote mentioned above is SOOO true!

Answer 4

This might sound nuts but you could try acting classes. It'll make you aware of yourself in a way that may give you more control over how you present yourself to the world, as well as the confidence and ability to adopt a "personae" that you feel comfortable showing the world. I never thought of it that way but I think it helped me as a kid.

And you may get famous... then it would be accepted and career helpful to be bitchy/snobby/obnoxious.

Answer 5

Because her and her husband feel that they deserve to be in the white house because of all the bad things white people have done to them. He has been known since way back in his high school days as being cocky when he starts to feel over confident. His books reflect how he feels about white people and her college thesis reflects the same things. Even today, his friends say, Obama talks a mean game. "He's a bit of a trash-talker," says Cassandra Butts, a friend of the senator's from law school and now a leader at the Center for American Progress. "People see in him what they want to see." "People don't come to Obama for what he's done in the Senate," says Bruce Reed, president of the centrist Democratic Leadership Council. "They come because of what they hope he could be." What Obama stands for, if anything, is not yet clear.

Answer 6

Try to be relaxed with your dealings with people. Don't raise your voice or yell, or appear cold. Record how you sound, sometimes people don't know what they really act like, you could record your voice while talking on the phone or something.

Try to let your hair down and have fun, don't worry about what others think about you. After all why should you care what they think? I mean it's good to not want to be mean/rude/snobby though.

Answer 7

One of my favorite Quotes: "You will be less concerned about what people think of you, when you realize how seldom they do."

I believe the originator was Oscar Wilde, but I'm not sure.

Even the person who told you that you appeared this way was no doubt more wrapped up in their own perceptions and reactions than anything you actually did or said.

Answer 8

A CLASSIC book on just this sort of predicament is called "Your Perfect Right (Alberti and Emmens). I really encourage you to read it and to begin to apply the assertiveness techniques it describes. You may be pleasantly surprised at just how much you can do on your own to address this issue.

Best of luck,
~M~

Answer 9

Just chill out and don't think about everything so much.

Answer 10

f those people, just be yourself...bit ch or not