Is this cheating??what should i do????? HELP?

Question

I am in a 5 yr relationship right now, and In a nut shell, we have been faithful this whole time and he is a wonderful man. Over memorial day weekend we got super drunk,& fell asleep upstairs in my friends house. He slept walked all the way downstairs to my friend on the couch & touched her down there.she was wearing a t-shirt & boxers.she woke up to the grab and said when she saw him there she was shocked. he was out of it! drunk is not even the word.she wasnt even sure if he was awake.she told him to go to bed and they told me after a couple of days.my bf cried his eyes out to me in shame & embarassment, he couldnt believe he did this, he cried in fear of losing me.b/c we have both worked so hard to get where we r now after these yrs. my question is how can i accept this& move on.my friend told me how everything happened b/c my boyfriend didnt know.i love them both and believe this was a mistake.help what should i do?

Answer 1

Tell him if he really loves you and cares about your realtionship he needs to stop drinking.

Answer 2

I don't care how drunk you are-you know what you are doing and especially if you sleep a little of it off. I would confront him because obviously he thought he could pull the "I'm drunk and didn't know better" routine. Why did your friend wait 2 days to tell you? That's something you should think about too.

But then again 5 years and you both put in a lot of work-I think he should stop drinking and don't stay at that friends house for a while. If you want to accept this then you need to believe it was a mistake and move on. If you feel in your heart that you are unsure then you need to take action and reevaluate your relationship.

Answer 3

Look at this reasonnably : what are the odds this will happen again? Are there any other signs your BF may be pursuing other women? Was he really sleepwalking or was he so drunk he thought half-asleep : "XYZ looks sexy, I wanna touch her..."?

Does alchohol gives your BF self-control issues? Is your BF drinking too often?

If you start looking at this in a cold, rationnal way, your fears might be appeased.

Of course, it won't happen over night. The thrust between you two has been injured. It will take time to heal and it will be an everyday battle.

As for your BF, it's his job to make himself thrustworthy again even if it's just telling you he loves you. He'll have to do that until you feel ok. And has he does that, he'll start feeling confident again and will be able to move on as well.

Answer 4

Girl, any man that would CRY because he was afraid of losing you...is the sort of man you want to keep.

The fault if both of you allowing yourselves to become utterly drunk. As anyone can tell you, being drunk lowers you inhibitions. Things that you would never do while sober...you'll do/permit them when you're drunk.

So, two things. Forgive that man of your...and stop drinking.

Oh, and as for your girlfriend, she probably didn't have to tell you about it, since he was drunk. But her conscience probably was bothering her, thinking she was going behind your back with the whole thing.

Sounds like she's a keeper.

At the same time, this could come back to haunt you. Two years from now, he or she might be feeling a bit aroused, and start "laughing" about that night...and then someone say, "Well, it felt kind of good, actually..." and then you have problems.

Best thing to do is to keep them apart just so no further temptation takes place.

It could also be that he was doing what he really wants to do, but never does.

No good answers here. But it is special to have a guy that would cry about you. You must mean a lot to him.

Answer 5

I don't know......I know a girl whose boyfriend got drunk one night and was all over my best friend. He was telling her that he wanted to be with her and not the girl he was with. He was just saying that he worked with her and he didn't know how to break up with her. So the whole night he kept coming onto my friend and trying to kiss her and everything. The next day he claimed that he was so drunk and didn't remember anything after 9pm. How convienient, since all the stuff he was doing to my friend was after 9pm. He is so full of it. He totally remembers what he did. No one gets that drunk to block out several hours of their life.

Basically, I'm just trying to say don't let the whole "I was so drunk" thing excuse the whole incident. But if he really was sorry and apologetic then maybe you should forgive him and just keep a better eye on him next time he's drinking.

Answer 6

Is this the first time something like this has happened?....Has he, to your knowledge, ever 'walked in his sleep'?...I admire your friends honesty in telling you, and the fact that he appears to be upset by it all may indicate he's telling the truth, but then again it goes back to whether or not this type of thing has happened before. Has there ever been any indication that he and your friend had a thing for each other?

If this is indeed the first time, then I would give him the benefit of the doubt, forgive and forget and move on, but wisdom also says, never put yourself into that situation again.

Answer 7

Delay any marriage plans. It is true that people do sleep walk. I have seen it my self. They are not conscious of what they are doing at the moment of the act. My step kids did not even remember doing it.

Comfort him that your relationship is still solid and (before marriage, keep your eyes wide open, because after marriage, you have to keep them half shut) as the old saying goes.

I would get back to being happy and accepting his faithfulness. If he is cheating, you will find out. I personally do know that this sort of thing does happen. It happened quite much this way between my dad and mom...however, she found out later that he had been cheating for several years. She found female jewelry in her bed that was not hers. Good luck.

Answer 8

If he was truly drunk, and you feel as if this is something that needs to be forgiven, then forgive him. It's not as if he had complete control over his actions, and he never really did anything with her besides touch her.

If she is a good friend, she would have told you what really happened. Plus, by the way he seemed so devastated, I doubt that he would do that to you anyway.

Hope things work out.

Answer 9

Does he have a history of sleepwalking? If not I may be a little concerned. Five years in a long time and if this is the first time he has messed up, I think that's pretty good. I would talk it out and give it some time for things to heal. In the end it's your call and you need to do what you feel is right. Good luck with everything.

Answer 10

Forget about it... If he wanted to cheat, he would not do it in the same house you are in and with your best friend (Ok, best friend maybe, but not in the same house..). He was probably drunk dreaming or something...

BTW, I saw a documentary the other day of people who suffer from having sex in their dreams. There are different levels of the condition that go from just making noise to full blown sex... Kind of funny if you ask me but it exist. Maybe he has it to some level.

Forget about the insident and move on. You dont want to throw away 5 yrs of a good relationship over nothing...

Answer 11

It sounds sincere.
Can it happen? If you have ever blacked out before then you know it can. First of all, your friend told you, second of all your boyfriend told you with her, could you see why? Who would believe him? He wanted her to be there to assure you that it was a messed up mistake. Not a oh gee I wont do that again... It more like a sorry, I had that heart attack, I swear, I'll try not to have one again.
Anyway, I'd say forgive, if he planned it, it'll happen again, then you can decide.