What should i do if my fiancee is still buying penthouse magazines after he said he wouldn't buy them again?
2007-06-05 07:23:15 · 30 answers · asked by jakeandashleywalter 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
People are so rude.
Its not a rare thing that guys still look at porn even when they're married. I wouldnt really worry about it. At least he's looking at a magazine and not other women. Tell him if he keeps doing it that you're going to dedicate the song ''Beat it'' at your wedding for him. I wouldnt get all upset about it, I'd just tell him, hey, you got a woman right here, If you want ''that'' then come to ''this'' .. lol make a joke out of it, But its not really a big deal
2007-06-05 07:29:11 · answer #1 · answered by mannasox 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
The problem here in my opinion is not that he is buying these magazines, because most guys and a lot of women do too, the problem is that he lied to you. He most likely did so because it sounds like you have let him know at one point that you do not approve of his viewing these kinds of magazines. Well, you can either tell him that your pissed off that he lied and that you forbid him to have these in his possession OR you can let him know that having a magazine of his choice is not a problem but lying to you is. You don't want to start off a marriage like that. You have to go in to it with 100% trust and no doubts. If you love him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you need to find a way to get past this whole magazine thing because if you think about it, there are going to be some pretty big hurdles somewhere down the road for you two (as there is for every married couple) and if something this small is causing you this much stress then how are you going to handle the bigger and more life changing issues later on? I don't know maybe I am wrong ,,, I don't know you or what kind of person you are,, all I am trying to say is that I would rather know what my man is doing and have it out in the open and no secrets rather than always being suspicious and wondering if he is lying to you or not. That in itself will eat you up and actually change you as a person and usually not for the better. Anyway, good luck on whatever you decide and I hope all goes well with you and your marriage.
2007-06-05 07:57:42 · answer #2 · answered by itsjustme 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for men to get images out of their head once they saw a penthouse women with scanty clothes and at the same time imaging the things they would like to do. Well, try to talk to your fiancee and let him know he has you and he don't need a magazine to arouse his feelings. Somewhere along the way it will be damaging if he don't take care of it now. There are guys who have a real problems - as suppose to getting into erotic magazine fantasizing and not getting enough and going elsewhere . Let your fiancee know now that you love him too much for this magazine to come between us.
2007-06-05 07:39:23 · answer #3 · answered by Rose 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, take a deep breath and calm down. It seems pretty normal these days for men to look at dirty pictures, whether online or in a magazine. The thing you need to ask yourself is: how big of a problem is it? Does your guy look at this stuff ALL the time? Does he do it while you're sitting there? Does he NOT pay attention to you so he can look at porn? Does he expect you to look like the girls in the magazine? If the answer is yes to any of those, then he has a problem and it's something I would address BEFORE saying I do!
The fact is - whether or not you believe dirty mags are ok - that's not even the point. The point is that you've told him you're not comfortable with it and he's continued to do it. That's not good. If he valued YOUR feelings, he would put them first and would never do anything to make you feel disrespected like that. You need to have a serious talk with him and decide whether or not he's the kind of guy you really want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't just become another divorce statistic.
2007-06-05 07:34:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Hmm. It's a problem that he lied to you and said he'd never buy another porn magazine. You should be mad, but maybe you could also relax a little about the Penthouse and realize that it's probably not threatening your relationship; it's just a fantasy. As long as he's having real sex with you, he's not going to want to actually run off with some blond bimbo with fake boobs. Personally, I don't mind that my boyfriend watches porn - I just make it a point to watch it with him sometimes, if you know what I mean. Then I don't feel left out of the fantasy.
2007-06-05 07:45:04 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well mannasox either he gave it up or he's learned to hide it from you. In either case usually I would agree not to make too big a deal out of it, however since he knows it upsetts you and has promised to stop and has broken that promise then I think you need to take a good look at his maturity and commitment issues.
He may be giving you a big indication he is not ready nor willing to sacrafice his desires for your sensibilities. And I hate to say it but sexual addiction is real and has to have a beginning. The begining usually is pornographic magazines, which then leads to videos, then porn shops and ultimatley an affair.
I would not hesitate to try to speak with him again. If he thinks its no big deal, but it remains a big deal to you, then you really need to evaluate your future together. Do you want to be married to a pervert and does he want to be married to a prude?
Examine how serious this is to both of you. If you can both come to some kind of understanding then great, but if not please don't get caught up in the big "wedding night " and forget about the "marriage for life."
2007-06-05 07:41:48 · answer #6 · answered by shortnstoudt 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and discuss it. Men don't understand why women take it as a personal insult for them to look at pornography. And really, we shouldn't. It's just a picture. It doesn't mean you're any less pretty or important to him.
Breaking his promise to never buy them again is the real issue. I understand the feeling of betrayal, especially right before your big day. You need to talk about it... and if you don't feel you can say what you need to say then get the 2 of you into couples therapy. Even one session could help you, a lot of couples do it before the wedding.
Good luck
2007-06-05 07:42:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys will be guys. Do you really think marriage will change that? I'm sure your fiance loves you and wants only to be with you...but they have a natural tendency to look. I've found that the less I nag my husband about this sort of thing, the less he looks. I'm sure to keep our sex life exciting and that solves a lot of it also. Another thing I do is make a joke about it. That helps. Now that you have done some nagging about it, your fiance may think that you joking may be you nagging more, so be careful.
My best advice is to let it alone for now. Nicely explain to your fiance how it makes you feel, why you'd like him to stop, but that you understand why he has to look. If possible, ask him to explain why he feels the need to look. (some guys are not capable of telling you why..)
2007-06-05 07:44:00 · answer #8 · answered by Des 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have two issues here, and I think you should tackle them separately. One - he is doing something he promised not to do. And two - he's buying porn. Personally, it seems that issue one is bigger than issue two. I would sit him down for a serious talk about trust and breach of trust. Don't bring up porn. Talk solely about his promise (to not buy porn) and his breach of that promise and how that made you feel. Based on how your talk goes, you may want to visit a therapist for some pre-marital counseling. As for the second issue, I don't think there's anything wrong with any person of appropriate age looking at porn, but it sounds like this is something that bothers you. If he cannot give up the porn habit and you cannot understand/tolerate the porn habit, that may be an issue for marital counseling as well.
2007-06-05 07:38:07 · answer #9 · answered by Annie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
buy a magazine with naked guys with HUGE ones and ask him why his is so small in comparison. see how he likes feeling like crap. I've been married 2 years and I dont put up with my hubby looking at that crap as he told me before he would have a problem with me looking at that stuff...so no...its not ok for him to do it unless your both ok with it and in this case your not. its not a guy thing...thats just an excuse women made to make themselves feel better about their husbands looking at porn and it still gets used today. cuz if thats the case and it is a guy thing then we should be able to do whatever we want too and call it a girl thing. talk to your hubby to be about it again and tell him how you feel. ask him how sexy the pics would be if they didnt edit out the genital herpes
2007-06-05 08:23:36 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋