My mother is obsessed with my money?

Question

My mother will not leave my money alone! I'm 26 with a good job and a little debt. Mom is an accountant and she is constantly on me to look at my bank statements and checkbook so she can budget me. Everytime she does, I get the same "you should..." and "why don't you...." and "I can't believe..." I've had it! How do I tell her to mind her own damn business and let me be a grown up and deal with it myself.

Thank you to those with REAL advice. I do live at home, until the end of summer when I am moving out. I balance my checkbook weekly, I do not need a reminder to do so. I work full time for a defense contractor so I do make enough money to support myself and I am responsible, thank you. This is an on going cycle with her, every so often she thinks she needs to take charge of my money because she's the "finincial advisor" in the family.

Well, I told my mother I want to handle things myself because I'm a grown up and she hit the roof. If I don't print my bank statements and credit statements, I have 72 hours to move out.

Answer 1

In the nicest way possible let her know that you are not comfortable with her checking your books. Let her know how it makes you feel when she starts in with the "should of" "could of's". And that you do not like her criticizing your spending. Remind her you are keeping up with your responsibilities, but her being in your books really stirs up some angry feelings and you don't want to feel that way towards her.

Answer 2

Maybe shes overdoing it, but shes doing it all in the name of love. Parents are usually very concerned about their children's finaces and the security of their future.

Shes just wants whats best for you and as an accountant money is one thing shes really good at, its the same as a nutritionist mother telling her grown children over and over what to eat.

Try telling her calmly you appreciate her interest in you but you don't need it, maybe you could promise to let her help with the big projects such as investments or tax returns or if you get any lum sum. Be firm (and respectful) about it tell her she makes you feel like a child and while you agree she does it in good faith it has to stop. Tell her you'll ask for her help when needed. Accept her recommendations that make sense to date, a lot can be gained by managing your money sensibly from a young age.

Just choose a time when you are both in a relaxed mood preferable when other people are around such as in a restaurant etc so that kind of prevent the loud arguments.

ALL THE BEST

Answer 3

If she has to remind you to look at your checkbook and bank statements and remind you that you have to stick to a budget, then you are not grown up.

And at 26, I would expect that you and your mom would have a working relationship where you can talk to her and not strangers on the internet about your problems.

Perhaps if you act like a grown up, and over time prove you are responsible, she will back off and treat you like a grown up.

Answer 4

You probably have little debt because you are living at home, tell your mom to respect your financial decisions and you will respect hers (for her own decisions on her own money) But if you move out and find out that things are hard and come back home I think at that point I would probably listen to your mom then. You DO have to make mistakes to learn things in life not just about money but many things.
Best Wishes.

Answer 5

You and your mom need to sit down at the kitchen table and make a pot of tea and then you need to very politely but firmly tell her that you are a grown woman with a responsible job and that it is your responsibility to meet your financial obligations and if not you will suffer the consequences and that she needs to step back. Tell her that she did a great job raising you and that she needs to let go now. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

If mom did not teach you money management when you were young she can't start now.And if she did time to pry is long past.
Britain did not grant this nation its Independence we fought for it.
Mom means well but you need to cut the string.She can not live vicariously through you.Tell her you appreciate her but it is time to be left alone,If you need help you will ask.
Unfortunately she will start snooping around.Go to your bank and request a statement free account.Then check your stuff on line when you are ready.

Answer 7

Just like that!. tell her that you really appreciate the advice, and if you chose to take it you will, but your finances are yours to worry about. Tell her that if you start asking her to bail you out then she may have reason to be concerned, but til then she should allow you to use the good sense you got from her and handle your money as you see fit. i would be willing to bet she had to "sow her wild oats" financially - and other wise when she was younger too and just wants to help you avoid some of the mistakes she made, but some things are better learned. You will learn a valuable lesson if she allows you to do it for yourself. good luck

Answer 8

You are an adult. Tell her you will mind your own affairs from now on. If she doesn't like it then too bad. You are 26 not 16 and she has no right to know your personal business if you wish for it to remain private. Put your foot down. (even if you have small feet) :) Good luck!

Answer 9

You pretty much said it. Just tell her that you are an adult and can handle your own financial affairs. Don't do it when you're mad or in a pissy tone. Just tell her like you would ask her to pass the salt. Say nothing else, refuse to discuss details. I can handle it. I can handle. That is your mantra. Is it safe to assume you don't live with your mom?

Answer 10

Uh.. just like that? OK, maybe without the "damn" but the rest... that pretty much sums it up.

I am sure that she is really just trying to be helpful and doesn't want to see you in the same hardship as many other people in this country. Especially since she knows that if you fall, she'll be the one that you go to for money. :p