Should I be upset if my son does not want to include his parents in the rehearsal for his wedding?

Question

My daughter is the flower girl in the wedding, but he states he doesn't think I should be at the rehersal. I've also been told I'll be sitting with the other guest and not with family. I am the groom's mother. Up until last month, he lived with me all of his life. Am I wrong in being upset????

He's not including anyone from his side of the family, but my daughter. Our relationship is good, and we talk daily, but we're not included in the wedding. He says she (the bride) has decided we (his parents) are needed. I don't understand how this is not bothering him. Our side of the family is furious. What should we do?

As of this morning, no one from my son's side of the family is allowed to the wedding - which is being held at the bride's cousins home. Another member of the bride's family is a cop and decided to do a background check off of the invitation list. He found 2 "unsavory characters" - one from his dad's side and one from mine. So they have decided they don't want those kind of people in their home. So they have excluded my son's family entirely. I have talked to my son. He thinks it's too late to move the wedding since it's to be this Saturday, and not sure what he should do. At this point I feel sorry for him, because he is totally blinded by this woman and her family. He knows who they are referring to as "unsavory characters", and disagrees with them. He feels we should just abide by them since they paid for the wedding. Is it just me or does he need to grow some *BALLS*?

Answer 1

NO U HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET.... I THINK IF MY HUSBAND WAS TO TELL HIS MOTHER OR MY MOTHER OR FAMILY THAT THEY COULDN'T BE AT REHEARSAL HIS MOTHER OR MY MOTHER WOULD PUT A STOP TO THE WEDDING ONLY BC US ARAB'S DON'T BELIEVE IN NOT HAVING THE FAMILY AT REHEARSAL..... MAYBE OTHERS MIGHT THINK IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL BUT I THINK IT IS AND THAT IS VERY VERY DISRESPECTFUL TO TELL UR MOTHER U DON'T WANT HER TO BE INCLUDED AT THE REHEARSAL AND FOR YOU TO HAVE TO SIT WITH GUEST AND NOT FAMILY BUT UR FOOT DOWN AND TELL HIM UR GOING TO BE THERE WEATHER HE LIKES IT OR NOT.......

Answer 2

Sure you can be UPSET, but what good would that do?

To me, a rehearsal is for those who are IN the wedding. Bride, groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen, MOH, Best man, flower girl, ring bearer, and whoever is walking the bride up the aisle.

I too think there are other issues that are not being told. We would have to hear the bride and grooms side to shed some more light for a better opinion.

So the flower girl is his sister or step sister?

Something tells me that there was an ugly divorce and the ugly part was on YOUR side, which is why you aren't invited to the rehearsal and not allowed to sit with the family.

Answer 3

NO NO NO You are not wrong for being upset. The groom's parents are always at the rehearsal. Do you mean at the wedding you will be sitting with the other guests? If that is true that is totally wrong.

Can you talk to talk to him and find out if all of this was his idea or is others have put the idea in his head (such as his future in-laws or his fiance)?

I am so sorry you are going through this. This should be such a happy time. I personally would not feel like going to the wedding. I am not a mother but I know that mothers make all sorts of sacrifices for their children. So I would think you would just go to the wedding and act pleasant no matter how hurt you are. By doing that it will pay off later. He will know that you were there for him no matter what.

God bless you.

Answer 4

I'd be very upset too. As a mother of five myself, I think I would feel betrayed--but lets look at it from a different angle. Did it ever occur to you that his bride to be may not like you and he is just trying to keep her happy? Or maybe while he was living with you he was secretly despising you and just couldn't wait to get away from you. I felt that way toward my family and I now know I had great parents. It's all about his perception at the present time. I'd say honor his wishes for now. When all the wedding and new marriage dust clears away, take the time to address the issue of why he alienated his mother when you two should be closest?

Answer 5

There's definitely something wrong in this picture. Seeing as your daughter is the flower girl, and you are his Mother, why aren't you allowed to sit with the family during the ceremony/reception? Do you think that his wife-to-be doesn't want you involved for whatever reason? Have you had any big arguments or fights with your son? It would be most unfortunate to let a squabble come in between having a beautiful ceremony. Try to sit down and have a talk with your son, and explain to him how much it would mean for you to be with the family, etc. This is his big day, and you want to support him and be there for him! Honestly other than the fact that maybe your son is upset with you for whatever reason (you have to find this out yourself) - the only other thing I can think of is that maybe your future daughter-in-law is a b**** and just doesn't want you in the picture. Either way, please have a talk with your son. It's the only way to know what's going on.. we Yahoo answerers can only give our input.. Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

Not invited to the rehersal???? I can understand not doing the whole parent thing at the wedding, especially if one side does not have a close relationship with the parents, then unfortunatly the other parents get shafted. But to not be invited to the rehersal dinner. That seems almost shady. Especially when traditionally the grooms parents pay for the dinner.....oh and I hope you are not paying for it if you are not invited!!! That would be a slap. I did not do the parent thing at my wedding because my dad had passed and my relationship with my mom is sour, but she was at least invited to the wedding and did get to sit with the family. That just seems weird...what is your relationship with the daughter in law to be...maybe there is something there causing drama???

Answer 7

You have every right to be upset. What is his problem? Have you talked to him about it? Traditionally the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and have always been included. Are the bride's parents invited? At most wedding receptions the parents of the bride and groom are seated at a table near the bridal party table and if room permits they are sometimes even seated at the bridal table. I think you should talk to him and find out what is going on and let him know how hurt you are by these decisions.

Answer 8

This can be hard to hear, have you ever asked him why he does what you there? This time can be really stressful, i just got married 2 weeks ago and the rehersal is stressful and all of that, and maybe he just feels that if you are there you will try to run it and that isnt what he wants. Just ask him why he doesnt want you there and work it out that way, maybe he will let you still come to the rehersal dinner, or whatever, and its not like they are keeping you out of their day or else you wouldnt even know about it. Just take a deep breath and sit your son down and ask him NICELY why you cant be there JUST to watch!

Answer 9

yes, you should be upset, but did you let him know that this hurts you?.. maybe he's so busy lately that he's just being a little inconsiderate. let him know that you want to be part of the wedding and you want to be part of his new life...

also, my family didn't sit together as family at my wedding. the bride and groom sat together at our own table and everyone was spread out with friends and family. i think that might be the trend now.

Answer 10

From the info you've given this sounds very strange...and yes, I think you have the right to be upset. Is there some other conflict going on in the family that has caused this?

Answer 11

Wow. Well, parents wouldn't normally be at a rehearsal, but with your daughter being flower girl, you should be, so you can look after things for her.
And the MOG should be escorted especially into the church to be seated with her immediate family. Then, at the reception, often parents are at the head table. If not there, then with immediate family at a table closest to the head table.
Something's up here, mom. Talk to him....