I am a fairly attractive female but I seem to have the worse luck with men.?

Question

what recommendations can you make to help me find a good man? All the men I seem to meet are what I call losers or players. I want to find a man that is ready to get into a serious relationship and eventually get married and start a family. I do however, want to find a man that shares my same values and ambitions. Where can I meet a good man?

I have read all the messages and they all make sense and want to thank all of you for taking your time to provide me with your input. I want to add the following: 30 years old, work full time, attend college fulltime, a single mother, I have a limited amount of girlfriends (all have boyfriends or are married), I dont go out to bars or clubs (only on occassion)...well my point is that I have no other life but work and school and my family. I believe overall that must be my problem when it comes to meeting men. another important factor I want to share is the fact that im actually a very shy person and know that I have to break out of my shell. I am also old fashioned and cant seem to adapt to the new way of dating with the female seems to be doing most of the corting. What can you tell me now? thanks have a great day

Answer 1

As I tell my female friends all the time, you date losers. Your boyfriends are manipulative, cheat on you, lie to you, etc. Why do you date that?

Spend some time figuring yourself out b/c your problem isn't with men but within yourself. You don't believe you deserve better. You think you deserve that for some reason. You take them back when they apologize (though you didn't listen carefully b/c the guy said he was sorry but never promised not to do it again). Why is your self-esteem so low? Why do you think you are not worthy of dating the incredibly awesome guy who is your friend? For some girls, it is superficial. You only like these guys that are built like supermodels and then the problem is that most of them know it! You refuse to give someone a chance if he isn't absolutely drop dead gorgeous. For other people, it's that they keep telling themself that he is out of their league. He is a sweet guy, moral values, ambitious, but far too good for you. Whatever you keep telling yourself a key thing is TO STOP!

Everytime you hear that voice in your head telling you how pathetic you are, how worthless and how every guy cheats on you b/c its your fault--tell that voice to SHUT THE F UP! Would you listen to a person at work call you those names? Then don't tolerate it from yourself.

Then set up the rules. What are the rules? The rules are what you demand. Not want. Demand out of a relationship. I demand faithfulness. I demand honesty. I demand a guy that is willing to go to hockey games b/c I like them, even if he hates hockey. I demand a guy who wants to travel. I demand a guy who tells me I'm gorgeous, and that he loves me. Whatever your list is. (If you email me I'll show you a blog where my friend writes her demand list down). Whatever matters to you.

And don't be afraid to be too narrow. I have a friend who demands a guy kayak. She kayaks every single w/e and if the guy didn't (or wasn't open to it) they would never see each other on w/es. I have another who waited tables for 10 yrs and she won't date anyone who tips 10% unless the service was absolutely terrible. She feels it reflects a lack of concern for people. Another friend won't date a girl who is rude to waiters. Partly my husband won me over b/c he always opens the door and he doesn't answer his cell phone when we are together talking. He actually says "That person isn't more important than the person I'm talking to now".

With each guy you date, he was lacking in some way or the relationship would not have failed. So with each past relationship, add something to your list.

Then when you start to date a guy--pretend you are in school and judge him. If you have gotten to the 10th item on the list and he hasn't met 4 of them--dump him. Do you need a reason? No. It's just not working out is good enough--b/c does a teacher have to explain why a 60 isn't a passing grade. Nope. 60% just isn't good enough for the rest of my life.

Use those first dates to talk about important stuff--where do you see yourself in 10 yrs. Would you ever quit a job due to a moral objection? What are your holiday traditions? You can ask questions that don't sound like an inquisition and quickly find out if you have similar values or not--and thats much more important than finding out where he grew up and what his sign is.

Sorry this is so longwinded but its something I feel like I'm telling girls all the time. You don't have the worst "luck" with men--you are intentionally sabatoging yourself. If another woman was doing it, you'd call her backstabbing and catty and not talk to her again. But you allow yourself to viciously sabatoge any relationship with a decent man. The cure: Stop it!

PS The majority of people meet their future spouse through friends--and less than 1% meet their spouse in bars.

Answer 2

Well there are many little things you can do or not do to make something like this work and find that right person for you. First of all, dont think everything is based on looks. I have dated models and than again just the average girl next door. Lets be honest, the looks only get you so far and the older you get they tend to go with age. However, that does not mean looks are not needed, trust me anyone that says other wise is a buch of bs. You must be attracted to each other.

Second, i would have to agree with change your yahoo name. Your yahoo name will make any man that had respect for you either lose it right away or just attracted horny a**holes. Sorry but the truth. I mean you might be sexual and great and bed but keep that to yourself, and the person that you are with. Other wise you will attract men with one thing on their mind only.

Third, i dont agree with meeting someone from church or where ever your religion may meet together. Reason be that is a house of gossip, if a relationship goes bad you are open to the community. It may seem ideal but you dont go to a place of worship to find your partner.

Fourth, personality is everything. I cant stress this enough. Personality is what keeps a relationship fresh and fun. If you are always serious or have no sense of humor things will become boring and dull and the guy will get board and want to move on.

Fith - Education/job... As an adult now with a higher education it is hard for me to find someone that can keep up with me, because of this if a female does not have a certain level of education and or career i do not find her attractive. This includes not having a job. I can support myself and a family perfectly fine, however, i admire a woman that has dreams and desire to suceed in the work place. The income does not really matter just the drive is a turn on.

Lastly~ Dont look for ther person so much. However, do not plan to find him at the following places: A bar or club. Those are the worse places to find a man. Also, dont give them a chance if they do not meet up to what you are looking for. That does not mean hair color or eye color height or weight. What i mean by that is if you are looking for a man that has a decent job can support himself, doesnt live at home, wasnt married before and no kids well than dont settle for that.

I hope i was a little helpful, dont worry im sure you already met the right person for you but you havent realized it. Best of luck.

Answer 3

It's so hard to be patient when you're convinced that no one wants you. You end up settling for men you don't respect or men that pretend to love you. You're on the right path when you are willing to wait for only the best person for you. I don't know where you're going to meet this guy. All I can do is tell you the least likely places. Bars and nightclubs. It could work but there are lots of men there that fit the description of "undesirables".

You want someone who doesn't have an alcohol or drug problem. You don't want someone who lives for the next party. Nothing wrong with parties but to have a family, you need to be at home. You're thinking serious but not stuffy. You need a guy who is trying to improve himself. I favor gyms and educational groups. College guys? Church guys? Exercise groups? Another way I've heard of is to learn how to start conversations with guys at parks and at the grocery store and laundromat.

Oh yeah, another way is to go to a public function and have a guy friend meet men for you and find out if they're available then give you a welcoming nod. Then you can just happen by while you're guy friend introduces you and excuses himself. You never know! Don't get overly-focused. This will take time so have fun along the way and don't worry. Keep the faith.

Answer 4

Ok, first of all im not sure at what age you are currently on, but if you're in the mid 20's I guess its okay, to find the perfect or ideal man doesnt take planning at all. All you have to do is forget about it for a couple weeks and hang out with your friends in the weekends, have fun, forget about the worries you have in finding the man you'll know you'll love, the outcome of this is that when you are patient, that's when all the good things come to you all at once. Believe me in this im a victim of the miracle. Just be patient for while, forget about those worries and you'll see how fast God will land you that special person. Besides Im sure you are a very pretty and attractive person, but have you considered to live a little more and not yet have to marry? anyways, that was just a personal opinion, I do hope you consider what I told you during the preceding advice

Answer 5

You didnt give your age . Girls like different things at different ages as men do: In looks, I like someone who dresses neatly or right for where they are, clean jeans, dress pants, tennis shoes,clean.Be respectful of the people around her. Family. Friends.Personality. Just be nice. There are different behaviors for different situations. Be true to who you are and you will find someone more your style.Make sure that your friends are respectful to her too. No locker room talk about your girl. A good girl will be nothing but terrified and she'll break up with you. Find what she likes and be interested enough to at least ask about her fav things. If you really cant be involved, with happines in all of her favs,suggest that she have some girl time,while you have guy time and later do something together. Be Honest.Good Luck

Answer 6

Let me start by saying that no one is perfect. If you can't find anything but losers then that is what you attract. I don't know your age but I also can tell you that you are NOT going to find someone like me because the good ones like me are all taken at a young age,(18 for me). You could settle for second best if you figure out how to stop attracting losers and players. I would suggest that you change your appearance, perhaps slightly more conservative appearance, and if you frequent rowdy bars, find other places to hang out . Try attending churches to "pick up" your guys. Good luck.

UPDATE: try church, single parent groups in your community,
but still, the good ones, like me are taken. If I was in your situation I would focus on a relationship with those children GOD has gifted you with. Good luck and enjoy life.

Answer 7

Hey,

I understand where you are coming from. I am too often in this same situation. I can't say where you can find a good man, because I believe he can be anywhere. However, maybe you need to raise your standards before you give the loser or player a chance. Ask him questions, find out about his past, what is he really looking for, etc. good luck

Answer 8

With a name like hotsexprincess, you might be giving them the eggs with out making them buy the chicken. Make sure that the people you are dating value the sex as much as the person (you) they are with. Someone who wants a serious relationship with value the sex along with the personal relationship between you.

And now you change your name to pricelessbeauty69 - what do you think the 69 means...we all know .....

Answer 9

Define your values and ambitions, first. Assess why you are meeting the type of men you are meeting, i.e. where, how, what activities you are doing while meeting them etc.. Determine where you would meet the type of guy who shares your values and ambitions. Go there, and do that. And stop doing and going where you are going when you are meeting the type of guys you know you really don't want to date.

Answer 10

I have a friend of mine that complains of the same thing - but she shoots down dozens of guys that would meet her "good" man criteria. What she really wants is a good, "HOT" man that just happens not to be a player and won't get hit on by other women.......I'm not sure that really exists. BTW, drop the word princess in your conversation with him and he'll run the other way. Guys associate that word with dozens of things and only one of them is good.