Did I deserve such a hard time from my girlfriend?

Question

My girlfriend is currently doing a health and safety course. Yesterday I spent the whole day sorting out little diy jobs in her house whilst she was away. I made a nice dinner, prawn salad to start and salmon done with lemon and dill and laid the table with a candle in the middle. I thought it would be nice to open a bottle of wine and sit at the table talking about her course. I grabbed an ordinary looking bottle of red out of her wine rack, opened it and waited for her to come home. When she got home she hit the roof and said she had been saving that bottle for several years for a special occassion. ooops! I can understand her being a bit disappointed but I was only trying to be nice. She spent all evening muttering to her self in the kitchen "of all the bottles to open". We didn't eat at the table and really argued. I apologised until I was blue in the face. But she said I was like a child saying sorry all the time with no idea of how hurt she was! Is it just me or was she harsh!

(it was a rossini borolo I opened, she told me it was worth alot of money as 1993 was a great year for borolo but I have rang lots of wine merchants today and they said 1993 was an average year and they had not heard of the rossini supplier. I know I cant replace the sentimental value of it but its not an expensive bottle!!!!

Answer 1

well first of all, if u wer in her house you should have asked her if you wer allowed to use the wine and if you wanted to be nice u should have brought your own bottle for her as this would have made her more happy.
She was quite harsh because she needs to no that you dint no that was a special bottle.

Answer 2

Are you certain that the 'don't use that wine' discussion had not taken place some time before and perhaps you had not listened? Had you had a glass before she got home? I can only guess she was really stressed when she got back from her course and the dissappointment of the wine pushed her over the edge..
She is being a little unreasonable but I know that once an arguement starts things get out of proportion.
Of course the gesture was nice but if you wanted wine you should have got a new bottle or waited until she was at the table before opening it. There is nothing more annoying than someone that won't listen to why you are annoyed about something (Letting off steam) and instead just keep saying sorry to get the issue over with.. This just makes the apology seem like a dismissive gesture.

Answer 3

That seems to be a really harsh reaction over a bottle of wine. Is she usually the type of person to get really worked up over small things? If she is, then maybe you need to rethink that relationship. If this was unusal behavior, and she is generally a kind loving woman who appreciates what a thoughtful guy you are, then maybe it wasn't the wine that she was really upset about. Try talking to her when she has settled down and ask her if there is something else going on. Or maybe that bottle had a particular sentimental meaning and there was a specific occasion she was saving it for, not just a random special occasion.

You say that her words were, "I was like a child saying sorry all the time with no idea of how hurt she was". That sounds like a lot of women who want there man to not just be sorry that they upset her, but to really understand why thier action upset her. When you have that conversation, try asking her where & when she got that bottle, what was the occasion she was saving it for. You may find out that someone important who is no longer in her life gave it to her or that she had been going through a particularly rough time when she bought it and the story behind the bottle is more important than the bottle itself. Those sort of things could explain why she over reacted, and let you really understand how hurt she was.

Answer 4

You poor thing, if she didn't want it to be open she should have put in somewhere else or told you that she was saving it for a special occasion and that it shouldn't have been opened. You are not a mind reader how were you supposed to know that she was saving it.

She is being harsh and you did apologise for it. However it sounds as if there is more to this story and there is something that she isn't telling you because she has gone totally over the top over a bottle of wine. Would she have reacted the same way if you or she had knocked it over by accident

Answer 5

If someone did all of my scut work *and* cooked me a nice dinner, that would qualify as a special occasion in my opinion.
I'd be curious to know what constitutes a special occasion to her.... if she had some event in mind or was just hoarding it away. If I was setting something aside for future use, I probably wouldn't store it with the everyday items! Or I'd mark it in some way - Don't open until my birthday, etc. - especially if other people have access to it.

In the end, a bottle of wine is just a thing. It can be replaced. People are more important. If she's territorial about possessions, there's probably a reason. It would be worth discussing if you think she's a keeper.

Answer 6

The real problem that lies behind the upset is that you opened RED wine to go with two fish courses. Red wine has a bad interaction with fish although it does not do any real damage. Next time it is a dry white wine with fish and the whole experience will be more enjoyable. I also note that it was taken from HER wine rack. You should have provided the wine. You could very quietly replace the wine with an identical one and find out what exactly was the special bottle of wine for. A proposal perhaps. A child maybe. This was the thin edge of the wedge so make it up to her.

Answer 7

There you are!
http://www.the-offie.co.uk/cbeers.htm
Last year's vintage in the Italian section.£12.99. Not exactly cheap at that price for a young bottle. So perhaps the fact that the bottle you opened was older would make it more expensive still.
http://www.italianwinemerchant.com/Featured%20Wine/IWM_barolo.htm
The Wine Doctor says:
"Good vintages for Barolo and Barbaresco include 1985, 1988, 1989, 1990, 1993, and most years of the late 1990s."
According to The wineanorak some young bottles are as much as £30 to £45 each.
http://www.wineanorak.com/mascarello.htm
You can but atone by buying a replacement, since it meant so much to her.

PS.(24 hours later) I related your story to my husband. He said you should forget about the Barolo because that would rub salt in the wound. He suggested a bottle of vintage Champagne. Nobody could mistake that for an ordinary bottle of wine.

Answer 8

She definitely overreacted. You went out of your way to make her evening special and had no way of knowing that particular bottle of wine was one she was saving for " something special" I am not sure how long you have been with her, but I can assume long enough for her to give you a key to her house. This being the case, why did she never mention said bottle of wine to you before?? Anyway, you have apologized and have tried to replace the wine. Hopefully by now she has realized she overreacted and has apologized to you for her behavior. If she hasn't i would suggest you take a good look at the situation and determine if you really want to be with someone so heartless and obviously spoiled not to know you were trying to do a good deed. There are plenty of women out there who would truly appreciate you.

Answer 9

Oh bless you, it sounds like a lovely meal too - you sound like such a sweet guy! I know nothing about wine either... but to be honest if my boyfriend made me dinner and laid the table like that and did open up a favourite bottle then surely that does constitute a 'special occassion' and most people would just go, "ah, the bollero, well - cheers!". Stand your ground, stop apologising to her and let her get over it!!!

Answer 10

Man, wine is wine, it all tastes the same to me.

The next time she's out, leave a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, take a dump in the toilet and leave it, and when she bitches about it, remind her that you didn't want to use some of her "special" dishwashing soap, or her "special" water for the toilet, and see how she reacts then. It sounds like she couldn't react any worse, so why put forth any effort, only to get slapped down for it.

I know that she was probably mad because of the wine, but jeeze, wine can be replaced.

If you decide not to stay with her, just remember, there is a woman out there who will appreciate an effort like that and not treat you like shi**, I know, I found one. :-)

Answer 11

I think you already know the answer to this question. No, of course you didn't deserve all of the grief that you received from her. It was an honest mistake. In my opinion, even after her initial shock of your choice of which wine you opened, it should have all been summed up in a laughable manner. After the fire between the two of you has died, I suggest you talk to her in a mellow tone and tell her how hard you tried to make the evening perfect for her. Then, tell her how her reaction made you feel. It is obviously weighing heavy on your mind. If you choose to overlook this and go on with out a mention of the argument only expecting it to pass, you are selling yourself short. Hence, she was just harsh! Personality is a trait that a person carries throughout their lifetime. Therefore, you may want to carefully monitor and consider her behavior when you approach the topic again for the sake of your future with her.