Wanting to become vegetarian, fiance doesn't want anything to do with it...?

Question

I would like to become vegetarian, or at the very least, stop eating red meat. My only problem with this is that my fiance doesn't want anything to do with my decision. Which is fine, it's his choice. The thing is, he doesn't even want to support me, and always wants me to make him meat "on the side" if I'm making a veggie-friendly meal. Or, if I'm making chicken, he complains and says he wants "real meat, not filler". Currently, we're both living with our parents, but we're planning to move out over the summer and I'm worried that our mealtime differences will become a bigger issue once we're living together.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you resolve this problem?

Answer 1

You are correct when you predict it may become a bigger issue. I was a vegetarian when I met my husband, then due to the pressure of him wanting meat, I became a poultry eater the first 7 years we were married, and now recently have converted back to being vegetarian.

When you make a decision that eating animals is not something you want to do, its often based on a set of ethics or concerns that you have which will probably not disappear anytime soon. If anything, your thoughts about eating meat will only get stronger as the problems with big agri-business and the global food supply become more apparent. If your fiance is not supportive at this juncture, it may be because he doesnt respect your philosophy or share your ethics. The fact that he makes snide comments about your choice, like, "real meat, not filler" indicates disdain for your choice - he is behaving as if he believes his desire for red meat outweighs your ethical/moral/health choice to eliminate red meat from your life. If he acts this way about your food choices, he may act this way about other important choices you want to make concerning finances, child-rearing, religion, etc.

I was lucky that my husband respected my principles and didn't force me to buy meat or prepare meat. He waits until we go to a restaurant or a friend's house to eat it. But eating with his family is a nightmare and I still have to deal with stupid comments and questions after 10 years. And as my distaste for the modern meat production increases, I regularly wish that he would switch to vegetarianism too so we can be on the same team.

Basically, in order to resolve the problem, your fiance either has to undergo a big change in attitude prompted by his own desire to be a supportive partner, or you have to learn to live with his unsupportive attitude.

Answer 2

What a difficult situation.

Becoming a vegetarian is WAY easier if you can find someone who wants to make the change with you - anyone, a friend, coworker, or partner if you are lucky enough. While I feel like your fiance should cook his own meat and quit whining, that's probably not going to happen any time soon. Being a vegetarian is a large part of who you are, and he definitely needs to understand that, because if he can't accept THAT, which doesn't even necessarily HAVE to affect him, what else will he have trouble understanding? It just seems like something you need to talk out BEFORE you move in together. Otherwise, just cook a couple killer vegetarian meals and try to win him over. :) Good luck.

Answer 3

I have been a "Veggie" for years, married to a man that is not(since 1972). This summer I have become a Raw Vegan. My apporach is I make my meals(lots different veggie dishes) & always make him a Animal based Protein dish too. It's no different than if I ate meat also, except maybe 1 portion instead of 2.
Usually I make up extra so he always has meat on hand. Such as a whole Meatloaf, or several Pork Chops. Now I have to say he is very suportive & does he eat good variety of foods.

Answer 4

Give a little-Take a little! If you are planning on doing most of the cooking then I would let him know that he will just have to eat what you our preparing or to just fix something himself.(it's not that difficult) I'm sure there will be times where you fix him something that includes meat, but then there will also be times where you are just really tired & don't feel like doing much cooking so it will probably be something that you perfer to eat. Tell your fiance that your our his girl not his chef. Who knows he may be surprised just how much he likes the meals that pertains to no type of meat. Besides it probably wont hurt to get him to eat more of his veggies. Oh by the way! I grew up in the south & yes we ate a lot of meat. I was like you & didnt care too much about it but would eat it since that is what was always prepared. I later met My husband & he was a vegetarian. He makes the best meals out of fresh veggies, noodles & tofu & with whatever type of seasoning he wants to add & now that is mostly what I perfer. I do make chicken & he will sometimes grill out steaks for us to enjoy when we have the desire for that. We have both opened up to just fit each others needs & it's worked out for us really well. It's really not that difficult & he just needs to get over it!

Answer 5

My husband and I have lived together for about 7 years now, I've been vegetarian my whole life and he is the furthest thing from it lol, but you know we make it work, I still cook him meat, even if I don't eat it, I think it's really a give and take You two should sit down and talk it out. I would hope that he would be mature enough not to let food stand in the way of a relationship. It really have to be a joint effort.... I'm sure you two can make it work!

Answer 6

I think that you are doing the responsible thing according to your beliefs. If you have decided to eat meat (under your already stated conditions) and still want to do more... there is a few other things you could do to stay clear of factory farming produced meat: 1) Buy vegan beauty products, because a lot of products use tallow, tallow fatty alcohol and stearic acid and those are animal derived. Many other animal products are also used in the production of cosmetics and soaps. 2) Buy vegan butter like Earth Balance to reduce animal products consumption even further. 3) Stop buying leather. 4) Change beef and chicken stock/broth for vegeterian alternatives (like Better than Bouillon Vegetarian) Doing other things (like these) helps you contribute to minimizing the consumption of meat and animal products. I hope your fiance would understand that you could still enjoy cooking and food just as much as when you are a meat eater. I love books like The Conscious Cook by Tal Rannen - they present great "foodie-quality" alternatives. In the beginning my husband showed some resistance to becoming a strict vegetarian, but after we watched a few video and documentaries on factory farming, he changed his mind pretty quickly. You're doing fine, and stop being so hard on yourself. The right decisions will come to you if you continue to act responsibly and in good faith. Much success!

Answer 7

first off- if he wants meat on the side the man needs to cook for himself- you're his fiance- not his short order cook.
this is a decision you need to make for yourself- i've given up red meat but still eat fish and chicken- my boyfriend didn't understand it at first, but now eats the same way~
how you eat is your choice and as long as you're being healthy he shouldn't care- that fact that he's not okay with it- especially because he thinks your diet will affect him shows that he doesn't understand what it means to be in a mature, supportive relationship-
just like any decision- and you'll both face bigger ones than just what you eat and don't eat- if he can't support you on this what else won't he support you on? and if he thinks you still need to cook for him things that you don't want to you might want to have a conversation on how you're two individuals who love an dsupport each other, not demand from and serve each other. cooking for him is fine if you want to, but you don't owe him a meal of his choice at the end of the day- adults learn to feed themselves...
don't force him to give up meat and don't let him tell you what you can and can not eat and what you will and will not make-

(and since you're not married yet- think long and hard if the differences run deeper than just your meal plans- often fights like this are about the big differences that we have that we only let ourselves duke out over the litte stuff... ie this could be sympomatic of other issues, especially since he's trying to control such a small aspect of your life~ what else does he say you can and can not do?)

Answer 8

I've been through this before. When I moved in w/ my bf, we were both meat-eaters. I converted to vegetarianism and he was okay with it. Actually, he was really supportive come to think of it. He would help me prepare meals and go to the health food stores to find different things to eat.
Okay. Sorry. I know that's not your case. BUT, he still ate meat and dinner time was a hassle at best. He would eat veggie meals with me every once in a while, but he HAD to have meat. After some time, I got tired of cooking two separate meals for us. I asked him to share in the cooking duties (just so he could see what I had to go through!) and he was stubborn about it. I eventually stopped cooking his meat for him and basically told him that if he wanted to eat it, he'd have to cook it. That may sound mean, but it sort of worked for us. We could share the responsibility of making sides - like rice, salads, potatoes or whathaveyou - and we both made our own main dishes.
I wish you much luck!

Answer 9

Sorry, honey, but I don't see this relaltionship working out. I don't know how people from meat-veg relationships last. I have to have the utmost respect for the person I've dedicated my life to being with and if he can know all he knows about meat and still consume it it would be very hard to respect him. I'm sure most meat-eaters in meat-veg relationships are respectful but it doesn't sound like your guy is being very supportive if he can't even skip meat once in a while. I just see this ending badly, but then again people of different religions marry all the time and somehow they do it although I never, ever could. Good luck.

Answer 10

Compromise.. give a little and ask him to give a little

Your give: You probably won't be able to avoid cooking meat for him. But you can do meals that only involve separate entrees, and eat all the same sides. If you put a little extra effort by making him his 'meat on the side" Your lives will go alot more smoothly.

His Give: Eating Chicken and Fish sometimes (like any normal carnivore does on occasion)


Here's some easy meals you can do for you and him, with little extra effort to please both.

Hamburgers. Cook him 1 (or 2 if he eats alot) normal patties, and cook yourself a soy burger! You can eat all the same sides, and it's not alot of extra work for you.

Same goes for hot dogs

Spaghetti. Make him some meatballs, seperate from the main pot of sauce. He can eat his spaghetti and meatballs, and you can eat spaghetti with meatless sauce. You can both eat garlic bread, salad (give him real bacon bits or chopped ham in a little bowl that he can add to HIS salad, if he has to have meat on his salad).

cook him his steak and potatoes. Fix veggies and salad to round out the meal. For you, fix some veggie chicken nuggets to eat instead of the steak. You can eat the same potatoes, salad, veggies, whatever.

Get the idea? Unfortunately, you'll have to make some kind of compromise to keep the peace and keep this difference from harming your relationship. Show him you're willing to cater to him, and gently ask that, in response, he try to be supportive, understanding, and make some concessions and try meatless entrees on occasion (Like cheese lasagna, etc).

Pizza night? Make the Dominoes people work. It's what they're there for! DOn't worry about inconveniencing them. Order a pizza with half chese/veggies and half pepperoni/sausage or whatever meat he likes!! When my family of 4 ordered 2 large pizzas, I always had to have my plain chese half with Dad's half pepperoni, cuz mom and bro both liked pineapple and veggies.