ONLY answer if you or someone you know suffers from depression?

Question

How can you cope with depression when the person you live with doesn't understand or even care to understand serious depression is? I live with my mother and she always tells me to "Just get over it" like its something I can switch on and off whenever I please. Seriously, why would anyone choose to feel that way? Its hard enough to live with her in general. But living with depression and her is almost impossible. I would think that my mom would love me enough to atleast act like she cared. But she's never given me any words of encouragement, all she ever does is put me down and makes me feel like its my fault I feel this way.
Moving out right now is not an option. I'll be moving in a year because I'm getting married. I'm only staying to save up for my wedding. Please don't tell me to just move out. I just want to know how I can deal with this situation. Any advice?

How can I motivate myself to do anything when I don't care anymore? Both my best friend and boyfriend (who also suffers from depression. And runs in his family) have told me its like I've lost the will to live

Just an FYI, my boyfriend has gotten help and I've noticed a huge difference in him since the start of our relationship. He and his family both try to help me as best they can since a lot of them do understand how it feels.

I sound like I'm under 20 because I said "I would think that my mom would love me enough to atleast act like she cared." right? Well if it is let me explain. My bf's mom, who is also my mom's friend, suffers from sever depression too. She's been acting a certain way, and whenever I mention it to my mom she tells me "Well maybe its part of her depression. She can't help it." Which shows me that she does know depression isn't something you can just stop. In my case she may just want to deny it and think I'm being lazy

Answer 1

Depression is a serious illness which should never go untreated, you didn't say in your explanation but if you havn't seen a doctor i would recommend going asap.

Your mother obviously does not understand depression and what it can do to a person, so in her case she trys to brush it aside instead of dealing with it, when people have to deal with something they do not understand they will often shy away from it rather than deal with it the way they should. I would recommend looking up some articles about depression on www.WebMD.com printing them off and asking her to please read them, she may appreciate your willingness to help her understand your condition better. You can also try setting up an appointment with your doctor to talk to her, the more she understands the situation the better she will be able to interact with you.

As for finding your motivation you need to look for goals, you have already said you are saving up for your wedding. use this to your advantage it will be a turning point in your life keep working towards it and dont give up.

Answer 2

Moving out is always an option. But that will be a lot easier to comprehend when the depression is under control. Part of this is your own prioritizing. Ultimately you would rather have a big wedding than a place of your own away from mom. A wedding with just your closest friends in the church yard or at the court house, where you let your friends take you out to dinner in lieu of reception or presents would get you just as married. The important thing is the life you make with the person you love. Oops. Enough of that. Pursue your dream. I just have this thing about modern weddings.

You don't say what treatment your getting. If it's not working you need to keep working on it. Depression is treatable. The simplest, cheapest thing is to just get outside and walk and walk and walk. This is not a substitute for medication and therapy, but its something to do while you wait for appointments and wait for new medications to kick in. And it will help whatever treatment you get.

Finally, as much as it would be nice for your mother to understand, the most important thing is that YOU understand. That you understand that your problem is depression is a great accomplishment. Yeah you! Moreover, you are not in a position to persuade your mother right now. Ultimately a health care professional may be best suited for this task. Finally, to some extent your mother is (please don't hate me) right. But you know this. It's not that you disagree with your mother, its just that you feel like she is minimizing the level of difficulty involved. Regardless of what is causing this, or how hard it is to overcome, the ultimate solution for the minute you are living through right now is to just shoulder through.

But right now it is nighttime and you need to go to bed. Me too!

Tomorrow, resolve not to have the same old conversations with your mom. Even if it means talking about nothing but the weather. And pursue treatment options with a vengeance. As though your life depends on them, because it very well may.

Answer 3

The conditions between yourself and your mother are very complex in deed. You must understand somethings about people, yourself, and society in order to get through this.

First, your mother simply can not understand depression. There is some barrier in her mind which she either will not change, can not change, or simply doesn't care enough to change. Your mother may have an "old timers" stubborn view on the issue, she may not be able to fully comprehend what depression is, or perhaps she just doesn't care to understand. Regardless, it is important that you understand her instead and I will tell you why later.

Second, you must fully understand your depression. Know which type of depression you have, the symptoms, and the treatments available. This is important so that you can recognize the symptoms that you are showing and combat this issue. Remember, depression is a problem which not only affects the individual but the entire social group as well.

Third, you must be able to recognize how your depression affects others. Each person will respond differently and for your health you must be able to realize how each person is going to respond to your symptoms. Friends, family, pets, and everyone you meet will have some sort of bias or believe about depression and that will make them react differently.

So here is the conclusion:

It sounds like your mother is in denial about your pression. She either doesn't believe in depression, doesn't want to believe you have it, doesn't believe in treatment, or something. Regardless, she is denying it.

You need to understand this and accept it. All thought you may not know the reason for her denial it is best to just accept her position on the issue even if it is wrong! This is because it is right for her for right now. Her reactions are a result of her acting in the best way she knows how.

Realize that the only thing in your life which you control is YOU. So try to change your lifestyle a little bit when around your mother. This is hard to do since I don't know you but I will give you an example. (Say your mother gets upset when you sleep all day. Try to set the alarm clock and plan a small activity this way your mother knows you did something.) The trick is to recognize when your mother gets upset, what upset her, and how to avoid it again.

Lastly, continue to accentuate the positive. Focus on your wedding, make plans, get your fiance involved in your life as well as your mothers.

Answer 4

I've had cyclical depression over the years and I know exactly how you feel. I've noticed something different - whenever I start sliding into a depressive phase, my thyroid is also crashing and I'm just wondering if the two things are related. This Friday, I will run this by the doctor. -
However, I usually get a prescription for anti-depressants for about 3-6 months and that seems to yank me out for quite a long while. I also found that exercising helps me a lot too. Your mom must understand that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain just like diabetes....why don't you check out this great website and see if you can find something there that could help you cope (I know there is a section on self-care), Good luck

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/DS00175

Answer 5

It's hard for people who've never been depressed to understand that it's more than just "being down in the dumps" or having the blues. An episode of major depressive disorder lasts on average of 9 months with no treatment before it goes away on its on. Chronic depression lasts longer but isn't quite as severe. If you're not already seeing a Dr. you probably should. Meds in combination with therapy can help. A family counselor could meet with you and your mom to help her understand that it's not something you just "get over". There are probably clinics in your city that offer services on a sliding scale if you don't have insurance.

Cognitive behavior therapy is a way of shifting your thinking to help you get motivated and control your depression. I recommend this book called "Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns (I think). Look it up on half.com or go to 1/2 price books, used copies should be under $5.

Answer 6

I completely understand. I suffer from depression, so does my boyfriend, and pretty much my whole family. Have you and your mom been to a counselor together? The counselor might be able to help show your mom how serious depression can be. Many people don't understand depression, but its very hard when someone close to you seems like they don't care. If talking doesn't solve the situation, then do your best to get out and do things to make you happy. Find a passion in something and pursure it or learn something new. This can bring great joy and help pass the time until you move out. I know how hard depression can be. It seems like you can't do anything, no matter how hard you try to motivate yourself. The best thing you can do is get out and to force yourslef to interact with others and to not withdraw. I hope this helps, good luck =)

Answer 7

If you look around at psychological websites, or ask your shrink, you should be able to find pamphlets for family members dealing with a loved one who is depressed. If you give some to her, maybe she can learn more about what it really means to be depressed. I don't know your situation, but unfortunately some people don't believe in psychology at all, in which case I don't know of anything you can do to change her mind.

Another thing you could consider is family counseling, if only a couple sessions with your psychologist. That could also help her understand where you are coming from.

If all else fails, maybe you can spend more time with your fiancee, or crash at a friend's house every now and then. I know you can't move, but as a last resort you could try to limit the amount of time you are at home.

Answer 8

OK, I have depression issues as well as most of my family. The ticket is to choose your company wisely. For real, misery loves company and depressed people feed off of one another. The first step is to seek counseling, then find a few friends who are "cheerful" or to start off with, just not negative. It sounds as though you are under 20, and not to sound "old' but it could very well be hormones. Also, if your boyfriend is trying to get over his depression, if you leave yours unattended, it may bring him down. Talk to a counselor, stay away from negative people, and start having fun planning your future. By the way, mothers tend to get better when we turn 25- I don't know why! lol

Answer 9

I suffered from depression. I say that in the past tense because I'm on medication, and it works. Parents make mistakes. There's no handbook on how to be a parent! Your mother loves you in her own way, and eventually will ask you to forgive her for all the mistakes she made. In the meantime, you must get to a doctor today! (or ASAP!) Tell the doctor everything. That way he(or she) will know which medication is best for you. In a couple of weeks your mornings will be bright and sunny and happy, as they should be. I hope your boyfriend is getting the help he needs too. Chronic depression is very common in this world today, but your mother, unfortunately is ignorant to it only because she hasn't read the facts. Just try your best lo live with her in peace.

Answer 10

I think your mum needs education, is there any family support programmes in your area. Are you under a clinicaian that may spend time with your mum helping her to understand that you cant turn depression on and off like a tap. it can also be a generational thing. My mum is the same with my sister. She always says things like in her day we just had to cope and get on with things. You werent allowed to sit and cry. In fact she has made the statement that in her day there was no such thing as depression and that people of today just made it up so they do have to deal with real issues. Now she has slowly changed her way of thinking just by sitting down with a health professional who told her all about depression.