What can I do to help her?

Question

My daughter (5 years old) has just revealed to me that when she goes to have summer visitation with her father, that her step-grandfather is making her do alot of sexual stuff to him...i will spare you the details, but trust me, some of the things she has told me are things that grown married couples have not done. I took her to see a therapist and she has another appointment tomorrow, the therapist is reporting it to the proper people. I just don't know how to deal with what she is telling me! She asked me today will her doctor help her "get it out of her eyes when she goes to bed at night", meaning i suppose that she can't stop thinking about it when she goes to bed. She tells me something new about it everyday so far and I just don't know how to keep from killing this guy! I am so sick over it that I can't hardley even kiss my husband because all i can think about is what has happend to my child. HELP!!!! Any advice is welcome!

Answer 1

As someone who is closely related to a person who was molested as a child, this story just breaks my heart into a million pieces. I am so sorry your daughter has gone through so much pain and suffering. And I know how helpless, angry and guilty you must feel right now because that is how I continue to feel to this day.

My best advice to you is to pose this question to your daughter's therapist. He will know more about her than any of us could possibly imagine, and will be able to tell you exactly how you can help her through this. In the meantime, it sounds as if she is taking comfort in confiding in you. Just be there for her and assure her that she is safe now.

Answer 2

First, you need to get all visitations stopped, period. Your daughter's father is not protecting her and has most likely excused it away. The grandfather most likely has many other victims. Second, you need to press all the charges you can as soon as the therapist and the authorities get all the information they can. Please, keep in continual contact with the therapist and when things have calmed down a little bit ask her for guidance in helping your daughter sleep again. (It takes a long, long time.) Also ask if there is anything that your daughter can take for anxiety and to temporarily help her sleep (normally I abhor anyone who would medicate a child that young for such an adult issue but this is not a good situation and your daughter will begin showing all the irritating signs of sleep deprivation unless she gets a little initial help). For yourself, get thee to a councelor on your own. You need to start getting the anger out, it will eat at you and ruin all your good relationships if you let it go for too long. If you can get a weight bag hung in your garage do it and punch the crap out of it, go work out at a gym, put your daughter in a wagon and go for a long, long, long walk, do anything that will absolutely wipe you out so you can get sleep. The court battle ahead of you is probably going to be fierce.
Kids are resilient, your daughter will get through this. My son was also abused from four and a half until five by his ex-stepfather and that family, but today, a year after I put my foot down and got my son help, he is doing a ton better. Can I take away what happened? Heck no, I have no right, that is his past that he will purge in his own time. BUT I make sure he goes to counseling regularly, I let him know how loved he is, I surround him with people who care and who make sure he knows he's safe, and he is thriving. My court battle is still going but it'll end sooner than later, don't give up and be strong. You are your daughter's best advocate. You are doing the right thing. I wish you luck.

Answer 3

Teach her to sing hymns or soothing songs to help get rid of the images as she goes to sleep. Let her talk her heart out to you. Try not to react, just listen and tell her that what happened was wrong and that you will do your best to make sure it never happens again. Luckily, at 5 your daughter has a very good chance of growing up healthy and strong. Keep loving her and helping her to have a normal life and she will be ok.

Answer 4

She needs a therapist, so does your family - you need to cope and be supportive of her.
Have you notified the authorities in your ex's area? Do it now, and report it to children's services in the area as well. After therapy, you need to make sure that Bast**d never hurts her or another kid again.
After all is reported, call your ex or have your husb do it. He needs to know what is happening too, before he gets investigated by children's services.
We had an abuse incident in our family, and I had insomnia and no sex drive for a while then, too. Don't worry, it will come back - get your therapist to tell him it's temporary, and normal.

Answer 5

Wow I really feel for your family right now. You are doing the right thing by taking her to a therapist.That will probably have to continue for a long time. continue to let her know that you and her father love her and that she didn't do anything wrong at all!! Also you want her to not think that all men are bad people. So just everyday let her know that you love her and her dad loves her and that she did a very brave and right thing by telling you. She has a long road ahead of her but it sounds like you are doing the right things. God bless

Answer 6

I think that your daughter needs to meet another little girl who has went through the same thing. She needs to know that she is not alone. She may feel really isolated right now, especially after such a horrible ordeal. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 7

I am sorry! I can't even imagine what you are going through. I think sending your little girl to a therapist is a smart idea.

Answer 8

old memories cannot be erased, but they can be pushed aside with new ones...

change the subject whenever she brings it up, spend time with her doing exciting things she will remember...simply do anything to make her smile and remember the fun she is having and not something that is haunting her...

Answer 9

Do everything in your power to see that bastard rot in prison.