Christians! Am I still a Virgin?

Question

Okay, so I still consider myself a virgin, I wanted to stay one until marrige but my fiance and I are having some problems actually keeping that promise!
I want to know your honest opinion.
I know some people think it's dumb and I should just give up this 'virgin' title that think I hold.
Okay, we have done pretty much everything but intercourse, you know, oral sex.. even gotten very close to intercouse, we have had some very brief 'penetration' episodes but nothing happened..we were just getting too close and it should NOT have happened.
Well, I am not 'broken' yet if that counts. The only two times "it's" ever been in there it hurt really bad and nothing else happend. So I haven't had the whole sex experience.
Would you still say I'm a virgin? I don't think I am! What should I do? I claim to be such a good Christian and now I am a hypocrite! How can I be forgiven and become a virgin again!?
Any advice to STOP being so sexually attracted to each other???

Answer 1

Being forgiven is very simple. Repent of your sin and trust in Jesus Christ. Repent means to not only ask for forgiveness, but to turn away from it. But, any sex inside of marriage is fine. Maybe you can see where I am going with this. The best thing is that you two are engaged-I don't have to go over dating with you. But, since you are engaged, you may think "Well, we're for sure getting married, so we can just do it anyway". Sorry, but you may as well wait, especially since you can probably start counting your days.

Sex is great to anticipate, but not if you are premaritally doing it. You guys sound like you are sexually made for each other, and that's a great part of marriage. However, you shouldn't be experiencing these things outside of marriage. I know when you're engaged, there's a bit of a grey area since you're bound to be married. However, close never counts (trust me).

And that leads me to answering your question. Remember what I just said (close never counts). Well close to 'not penetrating' is not the same thing as 'not penetrating'. The fact is that if you were "in there", you've had some sort of sex. That means you are not a virgin. I wouldn't see it now as "you've failed at staying a virgin until marriage". You can still abstain until your wedding. That means oral sex, too, because oral sex is sexual.

As to advice to not being so sexually attracted...see, that's not the issue. Again, it sounds like you guys are made for each other. The issue is holding in that attraction physically until you're married. In fact, you don't want that attraction to die out. That's why sex only when you're married and with that one person is so great-you should never lose that attraction, or longing for each other.

Being a Christian means there are stumbles. God knows that. It's up to you to repent of your sins after they happen. But now that you know it is, and you probably knew it before, you need to stop. If you were to die with that sin, or any sin, on your conscience, God will send you to Hell. That's the way it is-God has no room for sinners in Heaven. Yes, we've all sinned (at least lied and lusted) and we all need to repent in order to receive grace on Judgment Day. Humans are not to judge you and call you a hypocrite. Humans should (and more specifically, people close to you) help you out of the sinful lifestyle and back on a path of living rightly. Marriage isn't far-hold on until then!

Answer 2

Technically yes. However, being a virgin in christianity is being clean from any sort of sex.

I can tell you this though. Even though you have gone some of the way, you may still want to wait until you are married to do the rest because it is still very different. Totally different emotions going on there.

I was an "everything but" girl for the longest time. Finally, after 3 and a half years with my boyfriend, I just sort of did it. I'm not a christian either.I just sort of wanted to wait until I was married. I feel like I am married anyhow, so I just said screw it. (sort of literally I guess)

Anyhow, thats not anything someone can answer for you. You have to go with what you feel is right. Once you lose it, it doesn't come back which can be very devestating to you if you break up with the guy.

Reading back on your edit, you really aren't a virgin if you did some penetration. Still, it's different when you actually 'break"

If you needed to post this question, I have a feeling that you have some guilt. If so, then it's best to wait or you may have a lot of regret. There are pros and cons to both abstaining and not abstaining. Again, you are the only person who can make that decision for yourself.

Answer 3

Once it's been in there, you are no longer a virgin in the physical sense of the word, whether you are broken or not, even if it hurts, It does hurts every woman the first time, You can't go back to being a virgin, but you can keep yourself chaste before the Lord and refuse to let him enter you unless he marries you.

Is he a christian? The Bible speaks against being unequally yoked together with unbelievers. I would be more concerned about what you are joining the Lord to. as the Lord lives inside of you. You shouldn't marry someone without knowing first what lives inside them. Since your body is God's †emple and does not belong to yourself, but to God..

And you shouldn't be experimenting with someone you don't know if you'll marry or not. It's hard to stop once you start, so avoid doing anything that will be a temptation to you to go any further. When it comes right down to it, I would rather risk offending my boyfriend than offend the Lord. The Lord has to be first. Just ask Him to forgive you and then don't make any provisions for your flesh to do it again. Pray about it, and ask the Lord to help you, He will.

Answer 4

Well, this is a real gray area and you're going to hear many conflicting opinions. My personal opinion is that losing your virginity doesn't equal coitus or the breaking of the hymen. This is why.

The hymen shouldn't serve as an indicator of virginity because:
1.) Many women are born without one.
2.) Many other women will break theirs playing sports, horseback riding, masturbating or using a tampon.
So how do the women who don't have one when they have sex for the first time measure their virginity?

Also, I think that oral sex and other acts should be taken into consideration. For example, when gay women have sex it's usually oral or digital stimulation. If there is no penetration does that mean that they can't lose their virginity to each other? I think that that belittles gay sex. So non-coital sex should be considered when it comes to deteremining whether or not one is a virgin.

All in all, I think that virginity is whatever you feel it is. For some people that's coitus, for others it is any sort of sex act. You need to think for yourself.

Answer 5

Elesia has the best answer so far.. Please keep in mind that what you have done all counts. I am sorry but it does and to have sex with someone does not mean going in. Look at the Great Shaka of the Zulu tribe
Shaka was probably the first son of the chieftain Senzangakhona and Nandi, a daughter of Bhebhe, the past chief of the Elangeni tribe, born near present-day Melmoth, KwaZulu-Natal Province. He was conceived out of wedlock somewhere between 1781 and 1787...

But he was born through what is called the Zulu Method. Which is No 'penetration'

But sex is sex regardless of How you do it.


blessed be

Answer 6

very brief penetration.... i am a christian and that means that you are not a virgin. you don't want to stop the sexual attraction because you are human being and that is not neccessary or possible. just don't let yourself get in that position. hang out in public or with friends where it is pretty much impossible to get intimate like that. even though your not a virgin whether you want to believe it or not. if your ideals are set to be a virgin before marraige then you can still take pride in abstinence now, but you will never be a virgin again. that's the great thing about god. it does matter but it is still forgiven if you just admit that you screwed up.

Answer 7

There is no way you can stop being sexually attracted to each other as it is natural (biological). But if you don't want sexual encounters, both of you have to decide it and stick to that. If you think you are being hypocrite,you have to decide to stop it or you will keep feeling what you feel now. What's the use of all that talks when you really have done almost everything? Just think about that. I think,even if it is once,virginity is no more there.

Answer 8

You don't have to be so hard on yourself. We have all been down that road. Nobody is perfect. Don't worry about what other people think. Just be honest with yourself. Remember, we have a forgiving God. Pray about what you have done and ask God to help you control those urges, not to take them away. You will need them later. It's good to be attracted to your fiance. Try to spend some time in public and not so much time in private. Pray together. Read a book together. Visit you city's attractions. Just remember that He knew you before you were born. He loves you and has already forgiven you. True Christianity is about love not judgment.

Answer 9

Uh, yeah, you HAVE had the whole sex experience. It can hurt the first several times you have sex or even hundreds of times later.

You cannot become a virgin again, but seriously, you are in a committed relationship, which is the equivalent of marriage in my book. Just ask forgiveness and God will forgive. That's his thing.

Sex is normal and natural. Don't get hung up about it. If you want to wait, then just set some boundaries and don't cross them again until your wedding night. If it isn't that important to you, then just work it out with yourself and God.

Answer 10

Honey you are only human and I am sorry but you are no longer a virgin but that is OK you must repent and God will forgive you it is very hard to remain a virgin but if you have waited this long than then it cant hurt you to wait until you say I do. Whenever it gets to the point were you two cant control yourselves than you need to keep you distance for a while. But I cant tell you what to do so just use your own judgment. God bless!