my thirteen year old son says he doesn't believe in god?

Question

he has "faith in doing right and all that but, god, jesus and how we all came to be doesnt fly to him...he is a very moral boy very caring and resectful... he believes in the "big Bang" theory.. is there any information on both sides I could show him and we could discuss so he can make an informed choice to what he believes?

Answer 1

Holy Moly.

First of all, why is this posted in the Religion & Spirituality section? If you wanted a scientific answer, you should have posted in the science section. Since you posted it here, you really have to ask yourself what kind of answer you really expected to get. Did you want someone of your own faith to give you spiritual guidance and how to convince your son he's wrong?

Secondly, there is no correlation between morality and belief in God. Yes that's nice that your religion has the 10 Commandments, but the morality came first and is, for the most part, universal amung human cultures and belief systems. Christian, atheist, isolated tribes all pretty much have the same moral compass.

Third, if your son knows about the big bang and has said he doesn't believe in God, it sounds like he already has made his choice. What you seem to want to do (based on the above) is convince him to rethink his choice.

I bring these things up for a few reasons. As a parent, especially of a teen, of a child who is caring, respectful and good, you really have to be careful of your own biases and determine what you really want to accomplish, not just in this discussion but in the overall upbringing of your child. That you would seek out advice like you did shows your good intentions. I am sure you will be able to take the answers you receive here and use your own good judgement to determine the best course of action.

Be thankful you did not respond like the mother in this video:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3GtxWafdE7c
Be equally thankful your son did not respond in the same manner.

Now then, one thing I'm sure you've thought of is that this might be teenage angst or otherwise an act of rebellion or a way of finding himself, etc. This is definitely a valid point. When I was 13 I certainly had doubt, but I didn't become an atheist until 17 or 18. Then again, this was before the Internet was around and I went to Catholic school and was an altar boy, so the thought probably didn't even occur to me at 13. So it is also quite possible your son has made an informed choice.

What I would do is this.

1. Start off by telling him what would have happened if you had said the same thing to your parents when you were 13. I imagine it wouldn't have been pretty. Show him the video posted above and tell him you're thankful you don't have that kind of relationship.

2. Ask him to write a paper, maybe about two pages long, on why he doesn't believe in God. It's summer right? He's off school, he's got the time. Tell him that if his paper convinces you that he's put genuine thought into it, that you promise never to badger him about it after you discuss it with him after he's finished and you've had a chance to think about it yourself. Tell him he should have at least 3 good, distinct, reasons for it and have him back up his points.

3. Post his paper here.... No, better yet, pick a small number of us here you think have our heads screwed on straight (there are lots of nut cases here) and send the paper to us. You can email me through my profile (click on my name.) We can help you determine some next steps for the two of you whether it is some suggested readings, some ideas, some criticism, you get the idea.

Whatever you decide on, just remember there is an art to being critical without being judgemental. Be engaging rather than preachy, etc, etc.

Hope this helps and best of luck! :)

Answer 2

If it is a matter of creationism vs evolution, there is a fair bit of information on the Internet about it that you could look at (maybe there is some aimed at teenagers if you search for it). Maybe the logic of science is the issue here, or maybe there is more to it. If you have provided him with a good background in your faith (sounds like it if he has such good values), maybe the religion is something he can come back to as/when he is ready. I have often wondered about whether religious commitment requires willingness to be true (and there would be a lot of people who go to Mass on Sunday but do not manage to live out a good concept of faith with good moral values for the rest of the week). Maybe he will still attend some services if that is what you do as a family, or has religion at school. Maybe you can look at other religions together and learn about them too, if he is interested in people and cultures. Thirteen is still young too, and maybe some of this will take time for him to come to understand and work through himself, as he gets older. Good luck.

Answer 3

Buy him these books (and all of them, if you leave one out, we might have problems).

The God delusion
The Case for Faith
The Case for Christianity
Letters to a Christian

Those are necessary, I would also recommend, as allegorical books about religion(or books where religion is not the main premise, but it is a heavy concept):

The Life of Pi, by Yann Martel
The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho
Human, All too Human, by Friedrich Nietzsche
The Bible
Anything by Ayn Rand, she's brilliant.

Edit:

Here's some creationism vs. evolution stuff:
http://www.answersingenesis.org/
http://talkorigins.org/

Answer 4

Give him credit for using his own mind. How do you know he hasn't made an "informed" decision??? Is it because he does not believe as you do, perhaps??? He is a good kid. Leave him alone. Then he won't be screwed up like those other kids who are brainwashed by the church or their parents into believing just because he is scared of burning in hell forever, and ever!!! Let him talk if he wants to, but don't critisize him.

Answer 5

Why? He has made a wise decision. To trust logic as logic can never lead you down the wrong road. I am not saying there is no God, but I think you did your job if he has morals. That is why religion exists and is important. Do you believe the 20 billion people that aren't Christians won't make it to Heaven when half the Christians are doing totally wrong? I think that God cares mostly about morals and intentions, not actions and whether you attended church this week.

Answer 6

It sounds like he has made an informed choice based on logic and evidence. The idea that you have to follow a religion to be a moral and ethical person is absurd. I would argue that it is easier, and better, to live a moral life if one is an aetheist.

Answer 7

First of all, I commend you for allowing him to make his own decision about this rather than forcing him to believe one thing or another.

It seems to me, though, that he may have already made an informed decision. Personally, I think this is one of those "self-discovery" type things, and I don't think you really need to HELP him make an informed choice. You do however, need to stand by his decision, even if you disagree with it.

Answer 8

You should let him make his own decisions as he is at the age where he is starting to think for himself. The more you push your religious beliefs on him the more he will push them away.

How do you know he hasn't already made an informed choice? If I were you I would back off and let him do his own research and only help him if he asks you to.

Answer 9

If he's thirteen years old, he's probably been educated on the theories of the beginning of the universe and evolution. And if you're concerned about him not believing in god, then I'm assuming that he's already been "educated" on the christian creation story as well. The truth is, he's probably already MADE an informed decision.

If you're concerned that he doesn't really know what he believes, ask him to explain why he's chosen to believe this way. Let him tell you.

Answer 10

This is very common now of days because school are starting to teach facts not faith so this is noting to be mad about you should just accept him for how he is and you might want to study such subjects as the big bang and evolution to be more familiar with the subject and hey you just might stop believing in god yourself.