According to the bible... Oh I just need help!!!?

Question

I am no longer with my ex. He makes me angry for the things he has done to me and the way he hurt me.

As a Christian I am feeling uneasy about the whole situation.

I really don't want anything to do with him but he keeps bothering me by calling and coming over. Everything results into a fight.

I just want to live peacefully and like a Christian.

When I am around I feel so sinful because I am showing my anger and wasting a lot of energy fighting and arguing.

We have kids and I am very focused on raising them and making sure they have a place in heaven is well.

I now understand why God said, do not be unequally yoked.
(I have learned my lesson.)

Now how to I handle the father/ex?

How can I be the main influence in my kids life and raise them up in the Lord. But also let they're father be a father as God intendy him to be?

What I want to do is move away from him and raise my kids in Christ.

For some reason, I feel the devil is using him to get to me. He has little interest in obeying the laws of God.

Does the bible say that for his name sake it's okay to abandon someone who may cause a person to sin or go to hell.

I am really concerned about my soul and my kids as well when it comes to this issue.

Please help. The father is not making anything easy.

We were never married. He is not a good father. He doesn't do his fatherly duty as God intended him to do.

He doesn't work, teach his kids(he as others that aren't mine.), he doesn't provide the things they need. I do everything.

Now what?

I'm a Christian so any Christians please answer.

I believe in bigger things than this World. So I am more concerned with the afterlife and judgement. Not one's earthly opinions. to Monica.

Also to Monica.
His CHEATING CAUSED THE SPLIT.
And I LOVE EVERYBODY. He just causes me to act out of character.
OR SHALL I SAY HE ALLOWS ME TO.

I have tried everything to keep peace. But I dont want someone taking advantage of me and treating me bad just I want to keep the peace.

I mean it is really hard. My first mistake was having sex and having kids out of wedlock. But it happend and when I tried to correct myself by staying celebate he cheated on me because I didn't want to live in sin.

Now he wont leave me alone.

God help me!

Answer 1

the anger you are feeling is not helping you or your kids.
the fact that he was abusive is a bad sign, and it usually gets worse,
the fact that he is a deadbeat dad, shows his disrespect for you and his kids.
you need to do whatever is necessary for you and your kids.

but I will be praying for you.

Answer 2

If you and he were never married, he doesn't provide for the kids in any way, and he doesn't work, it is quite likely that you could just pack your kids up and move away, and he would be powerless to do anything. I don't recommend keeping the children from their father entirely, but it might be a good idea as long as the feelings of hurt and anger are still dominating the relationship.

Of course, from a legal standpoint, if he got a lawyer and demanded partial custody, you could demand child support payments, which would require him to work, which might help him to become more mature and responsible, which might make it so you don't feel a need to keep your children away from him anymore.

I've been in a situation similar to yours. The ex was just trying to use the children to get to me, I believe. I just made it clear that he could visit with them any time he wanted, but the visits had to be in a public place, or had to be supervised by a person that he and I agreed was responsible and respectable. Then when he came to visit the kids, I just opened a book and sat and ignored him. After a few visits, he pretty much stopped visiting entirely, which I'm not sure is best for the kids. . . but maybe it is.

Answer 3

To answer your comments point by point, as best I can and in a loving Christian way:
If you don't want him to keep coming over and getting into a fight (and making you feel guilty, etc.), and there is no reason he has to be allowed to come over, such as that he has shared custody of the kids, then perhaps you should consider getting a restraining order against him. You can ask for an arrangement, in the restraining order, which might allow him to see the kids for brief supervised visits at a neutral location, if you think that is a good idea.
Showing anger and responding to provocation with anger or firmness is not necessarily sinful. There is such a thing as righteous anger, and even if your anger doesn't fall into that category, it need not be a sin if it was not your idea to seek the argument. Look at Romans 12:18 -- Paul seems to be saying that it is not always possible to live at peace with everyone. Sometimes people won't let you.
I understand your children need a father, but the father may not be ready or willing to do what they need. If raising them in Christ is your goal, and he is not a Christian (he doesn't sound like it), letting him have frequent access to them might not be a good idea.
It might be a good idea to ask the Lord to fulfill those promises He has given us in many different places in the Bible, that He will be a father to the fatherless. He will certainly answer your prayers, especially if you leave it up to Him as to how he is going to do it. Some possibilities -- the Lord might bring your ex-boyfriend to Christ, He might send you a different man to marry you and be a father to your children, He might send other help for you and them that doesn't involve a man.
I've had experience with trying to help a Christian friend in a similar situation. We have also recently experienced some answers to prayer when I needed the help of a man, but have no father (deceased) nor husband (never married), and my mother, with whom I live, has neither of those either. We prayed, reminding the Lord that He promises to be a husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless. Psalm 146:9 is one of many places.

Answer 4

According to Jesus, adultery is the sole justifiable reason to dissolve a marriage. Has your husband done that? If so, you have a moral reason to leave him.

Personally, in keeping Jesus' command, I feel I would have to remain single if I got divorced from my husband for any other reason. But I do understand all of your concerns. And yet, you're probably not going to be able to remove him from the influence of your children. And if you divorce, and your husband doesn't have Christian morals, your children are liable to be exposed to many situations through him which are contrary to your faith. But if you have to separate from him to keep your sanity and avoid sinning in anger, then you have to do what you have to do.

If you can't get your husband to see a counselor, either alone, or with you as a family, then at least make sure the kids can talk to a counselor. And you, too, if you feel you would benefit.

Added: I just read your additional detail. Since you were never married, a lot of what I said above doesn't apply. But some of it still does. Unless you can prove he's abusive or an unfit father, he's probably going to be able to get custodial rights to the children. The best thing you can do is to make sure the kids get whatever counseling they need, and that you provide the best Christian example you can. If your household is loving and warm and peaceful because of the influence of Christ, and his household is as his character seems to indicate, that will speak for itself to your children. Given the circumstances as I now understand them, I pray that God will send you and your children a true, Godly man of integrity someday, so your children will see what a good husband and father looks like. Don't settle for less!

Blessings.

Answer 5

You absolutely must forgive him (Matthew 6) but I'm not really sure what to do about your kids. You kind of made your own bed on that one and you'll have to lay in it. Pray for them and have other people you know pray for them too. Set a good godly example, and maybe they'll be drawn to Christ from that. Worldly lifestyles lead to disaster, and not just in hell, but here too. I hope you have people praying for you too. That's a tough spot to be in. Like you said, no easy answers. It might be possible to keep the father away from you on a regular basis, at least when the kids aren't around, through legal action, like a restraining order. I'm not sure though and as for the calling, I have no idea. You should probably seek professional Christian counseling too. That's why it's there.

Answer 6

There are three sides to the story in this case. Your side, His side, and the truth. Just because he doesn't follow your gods rules doesn't mean he is a bad person. There is no hell. That was made up to make people complacent(fearfull and non resistant) to what the governments want. Everyone goes to heaven so to speak. Life is a learning ground. Getting advice from people about this is really not a constructive way. Maybe you should see a counselor to be the mediator in the situation. Don't use your pastor, use a professional counselor. they can help put things in proper perspective for the both of you. In the meantime, stop arguing with him. An arguement takes two, just like making kids. If you control yourself then you render him powerless to get you all upset. Seek professional help. If you can't stop argueing then use a pen and paper. Each of you write down things instead of argueing and yelling at each other. That doesn't do anyone any good. I wish you the best. I have no religion but I am by far a evolved person because of my mistakes in life. I am wise because I learn from lifes experiences. Learn and stop repeating the past. This will bring a brighter future. Bless you both and your children. Don't ruin you childrens lives because the two of you can't grow up. This is what happened to me. Neither of my parents have earned my respect because they still act like children and they are nearing 50years old. This is sad and un necessary. I hope this speaks to you.

Answer 7

It sounds like some extra counseling for yourself wouldn't hurt. What his issues are, are not yours. And you can't own other people's issues. Because as you know, having your own is enough of a burden . :)

Raise your kids the way your heart tells your to. Just because your ex doesn't follow the same paths as you do. It is ok. Honestly it is. What you teach your children about God and Jesus is stronger than what your husband will ever teach those children. Your ex does his best with what he can for the kids and you do the best you can.
As soon as you understand that you can't change people to do as you please. It will be more likely that you will be able to be strong and when he trys to hurt you and argue with you ...you will be like a duck and all the hurtful words will roll off your back.
Do your kids a HUGH favor and don't argue and fight in front of them. That will scar them for many many years into adulthood -depending on how severe the disagreements are. When he starts to argue in front of the kids don't say nothing. Let him make himself look 'stupid'. You be the strong one and start standing up for yourself!!

Answer 8

I am of faith but not ignorant of life itself. From all I read in your question you are caught between your religious conviction and the realities of a marriage that did not work out for one reason or another. Because you have kids, you can not "keep" the father away from his children, UNLESS he is a person who is failing to support them. If he continually bothers you and does not "understand" what a divorce IS, you can tell him that you are getting tired of his interference in your life and that LEGALLY there are limitations that CAN BE set to keep him away under an order of visitation rights and a restaining order to keep him away from you the rest of the time. I "used" to be a christian and had a wife who was consistently unfaithful and used to be like the devil always REMINDING me that I HAD TO stayed married to her and FORGIVE her shortcomings. After seven years, whether Christianity found it acceptable or not I SAW that the judgment of others mattered little for it was not THEM putting up with this woman. I "was." So I got divorced. Some people don't change and christian doctrine oddly enough was created by people who do not marry. Catholic priests. So whatever is written is not based on EXPERIENCE, and is why I changed my faith. Hope this helps........

Answer 9

Jews have lived in Israel for one thousand's of years. it relatively is backed up via technological expertise (archaeological documents) no longer purely the bible. there have been one hundred's of thousands of jews that lived interior the section, even while it replaced into stated as Palestine did you recognize that when Jews all started leaving europe in the time of the 1940's and 1950's that the Palestinians welcomed them? It replaced right into a extensive inflow of capital into the section and company thrived. it replaced into no longer until different mid jap countries grew to become in contact that they went to conflict with the Jews and the Palestinians have been given squeezed while they misplaced the conflict..

Answer 10

It is always good to stand by your faith/beliefs but unfortunately we live in the now, and not in the possible future of "heaven", and reality is a part of this earth plane. Humans have always had challenges in life and you are no exception. Errors in judgment are placed on your shoulders in order for you to learn and advance.

Although you had plans to be with your husband for life things do have the tendency to change people. If you cannot be with your husband without fighting it is time to move onward and upward. You could seek open minded professional help (definitely not the church) in order to save the relationship. If this is not successful it is time to divorce and try to regain an enjoyable life. If not you will go to heaven because you will have a Hell on earth.

You took the step to have children and now they are your major responsibility. They know you have disagreements with your husband and it will work on their minds if it continues.

Answer 11

You don't say exactly what it was that tore the both of you apart. Being a man, I can tell you, that it sounds like he is cruel to you&the kids. Consuling might help,but only if both want it to get it fixed. Don't hesitate to seek refuge at a safe house if you feel in the least way threatened by his actions. Your kids need you alive and safe. For the kids sake, if all else fails, don't put him totaly out of the kids lives, just a safe distance. Good luck !