What does this dream mean?

Question

I dated a guy for 7 years. The last 3 he was horrible to me. He hit me and cheated on me and for some reason I have been dreaming about him lately. A LOT. The dream always has the same premise. He thinks we are still dating or wants me back and I spend the time running from him or screaming at him that we are over and he needs to get away from me.

I do dread seeing him, only because when i do it makes me angry at him and myself for becoming the kind of girl who was trapped in an abusive relationship. I had always said I would never be "that girl" and I was. I do not want to get back together with him, nor do I have any feelings towards him other than disgust. I have not been able to forgive him, but I don't and won't bad mouth him to those who know him, or may know him.

Answer 1

In my favorite method of dream interpretation, you are all the people and symbols in your dreams. So, it's really not about him at all, but about you.

How are you abusing yourself? In what ways do you fear that you are in or trying to avoid a situation where your ideas and boundaries are not being respected? Are you not respecting your own boundaries or are you putting yourself at risk in some way?

Aside from the dream, I think it would be helpful if you forgave yourself and forgave him (by that I don't mean that you have to be okay with what he did, but you understand that he can't undo it or ever make it up to you, and release him from the debt of wanting him to make it up to you or pay for it in some way. Forgiveness is ultimately letting yourself have peace and freedom from what happened. As long as you hold on to your anger, you still make a place in your life for him. He's not worth it. Hate is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. For your own sake, I hope you can forgive and move on.)

Sometimes we can take over for the person who abused us and we can continue the abuse without them. I hope you're not doing that. Living your best life and being good to yourself and those you love is the best revenge.

As for your dream, look for ways that you are not honoring your own "no." Not allowing yourself to set boundaries, or saying yes when you really don't want to do something or you're not respecting yourself in some way. That's what's causing the dream.

Answer 2

People in our dreams are never the person itself, they are metaphors of our own ideas.

In other words, the guy in the dream was a metaphor for your relationship with him. Although its been three years, you still haven't gotten over the physical and mostly emotional scars that he left on you. Those scars take form in the dream as him, and the person who you are now is 'you', which is why you spend the rest of the time running from him or screaming at him.

In other words, you are trying to convince yourself that you are no longer that kind of person. Unfortunately, long-term abuse is not something that simply goes away just because the abuser does. Especially with your statement that you never thought you could be that kind of person, it sounds like you are still not facing up to the fact that you ARE that kind of person, and not only are but CAN BE that kind of person again.

Think of it like an alcoholic who gives up booze. Even if they have been sober for a year, 3 years, 5 years, that doesn't mean that they can start drinking again. In other words, just because you got out of that abusive relationship doesn't mean that you can't get caught up in another one.

That part of you won't go away just because you want it to. You have to figure out why/how you got into that relationship in the first place. Healthy people, people with a strong valid sense of self, don't stay in destructive relationships.

Also, guys don't just 'suddenly' go bad. Abusers have a period of developing abusive attitudes (mostly in childhood) before they actually abuse, so even if he was 'nice' in the beginning part of the relationship, its still possible that the abuse was there all along but you didn't see it. If this is true, then you need to find out why you didn't see it, which is where counseling can be very helpful. Even if its only once or twice a month, talking about your experiences with an objective third person can give you insights that you may not have right now.

You can free yourself from attracting abusive people, but you can't do that by trying to ignore or run away from it. I am pretty sure the abusive elements go deeper than just this guy, so running away from him doesn't really solve the problem. Running away, without finding out what the problem is, often leads to a repeat of it. Until you get at the core of whatever it is that lead up to you choosing him, you are still vulnerable. The good news is: you don't have to be.

Answer 3

To dream that you feel fear from any cause, denotes that your future engagements will not prpve so successful as was expected.
For a young woman, this dream forebodes disappointments and unfortunate love.
If you are running from something/someone in your dream, you will be threatened with losses, and you will despair of adjusting matters agreeably.

Answer 4

Sounds like you have unresolved issues with him. Your sub-conscience wants the chance to get it off your chest. I would recommend writing him a letter, letting him know how you feel and what he put you through. Don't give it to him that's not the part that's important. Just say what you have to say, then burn it. You should feel better.

Answer 5

You are so over with him. That is a good thing. You are fearing he will come back, and couldn't help it to think about your bad experienced with him. Try to not think about him any more. Maybe it will work out that you won't have this nightmare any more.

Answer 6

you are not over him.even though he was abusive,there were good times. in your subconcious you are telling him to go away but it is actualy you trying to convence your self that you dont want him.its your inner voice giving you advice to let him go .the running and screaming is the voice of self protection.you know the you are in a dangerous situation when he is near.
let him go for your own safty.
good luck

Answer 7

You are afraid of committing to someone else because of how things went with him. You are feeling lonely right now and are vulnerable to getting in a relationship that will not satisfy you and could hurt you.

Answer 8

This dream probably is telling you that your not so quite over him yet. You probably loved the other 4 years and you cannot let those years go.

Answer 9

Argument

To dream that you are arguing, suggests that you are trying to resolve some internal conflict or some unsettled issue in your waking life. Consider the symbolism of whom you are arguing with and what you are arguing about. How does he or she reflect some person or soma aspect of yourself in your waking life?

Answer 10

It sounds like maybe you are afraid of him trying to contact you. Obviously, you don't seem too keen on that idea in your dream. Maybe your anxieties about him are coming through in your dream.