am i wrong to feel "short changed" on my wedding or am i being selfish please give honest and mature answers

Question

My fiance and i have been engaged for 2 yrs.Do to "money problems"(his) we had to wait to get married.Now things are better and we are planning he said he whats to keep it as cheap as possible so he does not go back in debt(total for wedding and honeymoon no more than 4-5k)Now this makes sence but after telling me this he goes out and buys a drum set for 1k.Now hes looking at golf clubs for $800 for himself and a $500 guitar for his 8yr old child.now i know he has had to be tight with money for awhile and wants to spend some on himself. but this seems like overboard to me after telling me we have to be cheap with the wedding.i will add i plan on paying for half the wedding/honeymoon its not just him paying.This is his 2nd marrige and my 1st so maybe its a bigger deal to me than him.

Answer 1

I feel for you, I dont think you are being selfish at all, BUT I think you really need to sit down and talk to him about this. Dont do the "girl" thing that we all do and just stew about it without talking to him. Money is a serious issue in marriage, if you dont feel like you can sit down with him maturely and voice your concerns now, you wont be able to do it later. The money talks will give you a good idea of how things will go, dont keep quiet because you fear you will rock the boat, but dont go in on the offensive, thats just going to make him shut down and what you want to establish is a good line of communication. Ask him on night when you are alone if you can sit down at the kitchen table with eachother, no TV, no food, nothing to distract you and tell him how you feel.
It will be a bigger deal to you than him, he has 2 strikes against him going into this #1 he is a man and by definition not going to be into the "wedding thing" and 2# he has done this before. But you havent and he needs to understand that this is your one and only wedding and that every girl dreams of this day and your feelings about his limitations on you vs the spending that he is doing now.

Talk maturely and honestly, and best of luck.

Answer 2

personally I dont think thats too little to spend on the wedding. thats plenty. as for his spending...the things he is buying are material things....things that last more then 1 day. the wedding is a one day thing...its the marriage that lasts a lifetime. maybe he feels blowing 10K or more on a wedding is a waste because at the end of the day...that money is gone. you still have the marriage and the memories, but you'll have those things with a 3-4K wedding as well. I can definitely see his point. and this is his 2nd wedding remember. he already did the wedding thing so its probably not a big deal to his as hes learned its the marriage that needs to work...not the wedding itself. if you have these different views on money then you really need to work them out before you even start to plan or this can turn into a bigger problem then you think.

Answer 3

Absolutely agree with you...it's not quite fair since this is your first (and hopefully only) wedding. Women, in general fantasize about nice, big, beautiful weddings. It's more for them than the hubbys. He's already had one once, so he's being insensitive to something that was likely a childhood dream of yours. Especially when he's making room in the budget for things that are only for him. However, I had the same situation (not my hubby's first wife). I sacrificed a lot when it came to planning the wedding. It was only 30 guests, very small and only slightly formal. It cost us 6,000 for everything (including the honeymoon) and it was beautful. It was personal, intimate and I couldn't have dreamt of anything more perfect. So, it could go either way. I felt like I was sacrificing, and we had an even better time than I imagined! Let him know how you feel, you don't want to regret your wedding choices later. Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't think you're being selfish and I do think you're being 'short changed'.

It seems to me he's not in a financial position to be paying for a wedding AND buying costly toys. I'd be concerned about this because he appears to be breaching an agreement you had. It doesn't matter that it's his second marriage and your first, I think you at least can see you have a priority (and that is to get married) and all other luxury items that are not urgent should be set aside.

You both waited 2 years to become debt free so you could get married and now he's spending money on items you had not agreed to spend it on.

I'd be upset.

Answer 5

I think you are both being selfish, really. A wedding should NEVER put you in debt, its the worst way to start a marriage, but a man who is getting married, has kids, and has former debt problems should not be buying "toys" for himself. Have a small wedding, in a park or in a backyard, have a simple reception, and use whatever money you save towards a house or for a nice honeymoon. I may be a good idea to get5 some pre-marital counseling, preferably from a pastor or other religious counsil, and work out your money priorities before you start making plans.

Answer 6

Listen carefully. Do Not Marry This Man. He is not in love with you He is never gonna spend money on you but he will spend what he wants on his own pleasure Take the hint You are coming in last if you are even on the list. You will always come in last and always be shortchanged. Read over what you posted and think what would you say if someone else had posted it. Yep and you should too Run now while you still have a chance What do you think is gonna change when you get married? If there is any change at all it will be for the worse not the better. I am so sorry but you will be the one who is sorry if you go ahead with this "cheap" wedding because that is exactly how he holds you and your feelings, cheaply. Don't settle for that.

Answer 7

I can see how it would make sense for him to not want to spend a lot of money on the wedding/honeymoon. Cause some couples go way overboard spending as much money on a wedding as they could on a house. But if he really is concerned about money he shouldn't be spending so much on luxuries. I mean who spends 500.00$ on golf clubs for an eight year old that is totally insane. I would probably tell him to tone it down on the spending.

Answer 8

You two have to plan together. Of course you will feel differently as it's your first wedding! However, you must also understand that he still needs his guy "stuff", and also be able to buy things for his child. You shouldn't feel you have "control" over what he's spending money on now, the two of you aren't married, and you're not his mom!
You should know by now what you are getting into! Just plan a simple wedding on the budget the two of you have made.

Answer 9

Well it seems like he isn't really into getting married too soon. Seems he rather go out and have fun, especially when each of you will pay for half of the wedding. Well talk to him again and let him know how you feel and if he gets mad or starts telling you something you don't want to hear. You need to think really hard is it worth it to marry him.

Answer 10

this is your wedding day. you cant have this ever again unless you get divorced and remarried. he's been spending his money carelessly then you know what do what makes you happy.. have the wedding when you want. i dunno maybe you'd consider a really big wedding and no honey moon .. or a reall nice honeymoon and a cheaper kind of wedding. whats more important to you. as for him, tell him no golf clubs. return the drums. and possibly wait for the guitar. he really needs to learn priortites. take the 4-5k from him and you pay the rest if thats possible.