Should this be classified as abuse?

Question

I have a friend that has a father that is very strict on her because she is the oldest child. She has two younger siblings that both have ADD. They are expected to do virtually nothing except keep up their grades. My friend, on the other hand has to keep up her grades, behave decently, do housework, keep up her job, and be respectful to her parents. The dad does nothing whatsoever around the house and plays solitaire and smokes all day. The dad tells her that she has no reason to be depressed and all she thinks about is herself. The dad constantly makes threats to all of the kids and thinks that he is the perfect parent and nobody should tell him what to do. The mom can not do anything about it because her culture does not allow her to stand up against him or divorce him. The school counselor told her that unless the dad hits her, he cannot be charged for being abusive and there is nothing anybody can do at this point until he hits one of them. Can anybody help me out? Much thanks!

My friend said that she has already talked to the counselor and the dad cannot be charged for emotional abuse because there is no evidence.

Answer 1

Well it is emotional and mental abuse, which is sometimes worse than physical abuse, it is stored in your memory forever. But unfortunately the counselor is right. EXAMPLE; My ex husband and his now wife acted the same way to my 2 girls, i reported them to child supportive services, only to be told there was nothing they could do. I even called the police, again there was nothing they can do. Tell your friend to hang in there, and continue to be the great support system as you have for her.

Answer 2

Just my opinion...But parents always seem to be the bad guy when they lay down rules. Some teenagers believe they should have more freedoms than they do and they tend to think the parent or parents are being unfair. Unless there is constant verbal abuse, physical abuse, and or Physiological abuse then really nothing is done..But there is always the other side of things. The dad may also feel justified in being a little more strict on the older child for protection reasons or maybe the child has done something to loose the dad's trust...no one would really know unless they were there to witness the actions that take place.

Answer 3

If she's the oldest then she is expected to up hold certain responsibilities. I was expected to do all those things when I live at home. I had a part time job, chores, and my parents sat around. My father did laundry and cleaned the house when I wasn't there.

As far as threats, what kind of threats? My mom threatened to spank us if we acted out of line. I'm not saying it's right, but some parents believe in physically disciplining a child and unless you've had children of your own, it's a little hard to understand.

If she's depressed, then she needs to speak to a professional doctor. Not the school counselor. She may be having other problems like a chemical imbalance that can be fixed with medication. But in my opinion this does not sound like abuse, not verbal or otherwise.

Answer 4

Emotional abuse is really hard to prove and thats why so many officials dont help. Its not like physical abuse where there is evidence that something is happening. It doesnt make less than an abuse,its just harder to prove that its happening. It would be basically her word against her dads and the courts tend to believe the adults more asmost kids break down in court and admit lying to get revenge. Her mom inability to help doesnt help her much. Without any physical eidence or witnesses to this verbal abuse, theres not much you can do legally, unfortunately. This may come down to actua physical abuse before anything happens but the courts can only act upon real hard evidence. Sorry, good luck

Answer 5

First off the counselor is right, sadly but true.

Ok, what does ADD have to do with anything. I have ADD, and I still had to do everything and still do. ADD just means you have to find other ways of teaching yourself. Don't let ADD get mixed up with laziness. Sounds like the dad expects more of her cause she is the oldest and the younger kids have a learning disability. And it seems like a control issue, cause he does not want her like them or something. Or he think she is his Golden ticket, and the others are to stupid, so is pushing her. But by doing that is stressing her out. And my cause her a break down.

Just tell her to to be strong. Maybe see a shrink, maybe a group one. but I doubt he will go for that.

Answer 6

It is true that without him actually physically abusing the children there is nothing an outsider can do. The best thing that you can do is to be there for your friend. And to help her by being someone she can vent to when things get rough at home. It is too bad but truely peoples hands are tied. But, let her know that once she becomes an adult then she can live her own life with out the verbal abuse from her father.

Answer 7

It doesn't really sound as though the dad is abusive from what I've read. Now if the nature of the threat involves physically harming his family to the point of fatality then that's different. Fathers tend to be the disciplinarian of the family and try to control their children's behavior. More is expected out of your friend because she doesn't have a mental impairment as her siblings. If the father was blacking his children's eyes or leaving bruises on them then that's abuse.

Answer 8

making her responsible for things around the house is not abuse.

Her siblings are also expected to behave & be respectful, but with their disability, it is hard...I'm sure they have responsibilities around the house too, such as keep their room clean.

She doesn't like having responsibilities, but that is a part of life, especially being the oldest. I seriously doubt the father "sits around and plays solitare & smokes all day"...she is exaggerating because she is upset.

Answer 9

Regardless what violet and maybe others think,shes still a child,home work ,yes,Help with houseworkk and chores,yes,part time jobto help buy her clothes and help with her school supplies,yah that would help,but it sounds like he's gone beyond that,and thats wrong,even if some morons don't think so,he'll goto far one of these day ,then nail him,just keep on being there and being her good and maybe best friend,she needs and i'm sure appreciates you!!!

Answer 10

To be blunt, inspite of your efforts (that are no longer lacking of path) to describe the activities in question, you will could be purely slightly greater particular. in spite of the incontrovertible fact that what the aunt has supposedly completed is maybe a bad ingredient in terms of sturdy Christian habit, it does lack a undeniable gravitas. in spite of the incontrovertible fact that it would desire to be glaring, did the aunt know of your buddy's agnostic nature? Did the aunt tension the exorcist out of nowhere, with out provocation? in short, what you have defined is that of an exceedingly strict aunt. Forcing somebody to beg to apply the bathing room is the closest grounds for claiming abuse, which in case you have been to take to the criminal device, would preside in prefer of the aunt as long as no actual harm got here from no longer utilising the bathing room. this project isn't something wanting an occasion for undesirable "parenting" skills from the aunt. At suitable, your buddy would prefer to be clinically determined with some form of psychological incapacity including bipolar affliction. in short, for the main area, no longer something has been completed via the aunt which could be deemed as abusive (legally it relatively is). Sorry approximately soliciting for extra information, it is going to likely be difficult, yet there are no longer any basic solutions for sophisticated issues.